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Angry, frustrated, tired, loss of appetite, skinny, working long hours. Help.

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Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 1835 Questions
I work in a bar, around 35-50 hours a week, late nights, im always tired, I don't drink (mainly because I dont have time), I'm always angry or frustrated to the point where I'm about to crack or cry. Today is christmas, I saw my family for an hour before I was so frustrated I cried for ages and went home without saying goodbye.

I want to kill myself, honestly. I can't see the point in being alive. Someone who is never happy and cheerful is not someone people enjoy being around. I'm just here on this planet to work in that gross frikin bar serving those disgusting alcoholics and gamblers and have no life of my own. At least thats what it feels like. I cant get another job because nothing pays as well and its very flexible with uni.

At work I see people coming in for dinner with their boyfriends, family, parents, kids, friends etc for dinner, drinks, or just been at the beach, going away on holidays, basically just living a life - and i'm so jealous it makes me sooo sad I just want to cry every time I think about it. I used to live in the Whitsunday islands, had the best XXXXXXX loads of friends, and even though I had a full time job I was still always so happy. I used to get so much attention from boys, now I dont really get any attention - I'm assuming its because I'm so skinny, pale and barely have time to work on my appearance.

I need to work to pay my bills and basically just live because living is so damn expensive. Had to pay $1200 on my car service and $100 of that hard earned money was just friggin TAX! I'm about to lose my mind. I can feel it, I'm constantly anxious, angry, sad, tired, hungry - i'm down to only 44kg and i'm 23 5ft7.. I can't eat though. Just not hungry. I'll eat a little bit but I cant fit much in because I dont get a lot of time to eat so my body has just become used to not eating.

I will do 11 hour shifts at work and only get half an hour break, and it takes 15 min to drive somewhere to get something to eat. And when I'm doing stupid shifts like that I don't have time to grocery shop and get my own food to take.

I used to be bubbly, happy and beautiful. Now I'm quiet, withdrawn, way too skinny, and basically a shell of my former self. I feel like anyone I ask for help will just say "take some time off work". Thats great advice for the short term. But I do need to work and cant afford to just randomly take a week off, not that they'd even let me do that.

I'm just sick of crying all the time. I never talk to or see my friends anymore and I can tell theyre all getting annoyed at me. I am nothing but a hospitality slave to the bogan drunks. I'm starving. I'm crying. I want to die I can't do it anymore and I can't see a way out.. I miss my old life and can't figure out how people work full time and still have a great life.
Posted Sun, 15 Apr 2012 in Mental Health
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 3 hours later
Thanks for your query.

You have provided a good description of your current suffering. From your detail history, it is clear that you have following symptoms:
•     Anxiety, low mood, crying spells.
•     Loss of interest in previous pleasurable activities (anhedonia).
•     Tiredness.
•     Decrease appetite.
•     Loss of confidence.
•     Inability to enjoy.
•     Ideas of hopelessness.
•     Self harm ideas.

All these are symptoms of depression and need urgent attention.
Apart from that, concurrently you have financial stress which can exacerbate your depression. Depression is not always situational (because of stress). Many times it is biological due to biochemical changes in brain. Your depression appears to biological to me due to its severity.

Following measures will help you:
•     First remember your situation is transient and will solve in few weeks if you follow my advice.
•     Ask help from friends and family members, do not shy for that.
•     Make structured daily routine, so that you can save time for yourself, for friends and for important activities.
•     Eat adequate food, fruits and drink juice. Avoid alcohol use if any.
•     It is good that you work but do not take much stress at workplace.
•     Talk frequently with friends and family members.
•     Most important visit psychiatrist so that he can counsel you and prescribe medicine for depression. Now very good medicines available for depression. People's life changes within weeks of treatment.

I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. In case of any doubt, I will be available for follow ups.

Please accept my answer in case you have no follow up queries.

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