Question: I've been with my fiancé for 5 1/2 years. He's never expressed a desire to get married however after feeling under pressure by friends family and even complete strangers he's decided to recently propose. I've always told him that if he doesn't want to get married that's ok however I would like to be with someone who can give me their commitment and is just as passionate about the relationship as I am. We've had many instances in the past were I've given him the benefit of the doubt and had confidence in him having friendships with sexy girls and ex lovers etc(however friendships only defned by being fb friends etc). On many occasions he said very hurtfull things to me like "you've never love me the way (girl) loved me" and" I slept with (girl) and she told me how big my d$&# was for 5 hours while we were getting it on" things like that. He's lied to me about women he's slept with on many occasions and when angry will add strippers and sexy girls to his fb page. I've expressed to him many times that its hard to forget the hurtfull things he says and would advice getting a fresh start,putting the past in the past and not doing that again however the hurtfull things he says and the constant following strippers makes me feel subjected to his expectation of women. I've told him how it makes me feel and hes expressed to me several times that hes a man and I expect to much from him. He said he should be able to look at women as much as hed like to an it doesn't matter what I think. We started working at a strip bar ironically to save up for a proposal(working there was his idea, saving up for a proposal was mine. So we bartend there together for 1 year have been engaged for 1 month. I found out before the engagement that he was searching up a stripper that we work with and he told me the boys at work suggested he look her up. I said"thats ok that they did but we did you feel you had to?" and replied" because the said her ass was mint". I told him this is not ok and asked him not to do it again and thought everything was ok, then we got engaged. I had just found out this week 1 month later, because I invaded his privacy and looked on his found after noticing abnormal distancing behaviour from him, that he has been looking up the same stripper numerous times and deleting and hiding it from me!!! I confronted him and he compared it to looking at porn and says it doesn't mean anything, He stares at her lots whil at work she shakes her ass thong and tits out in front of his face, he pretends not to look but everyone can tell he can't help it by his body language. I asked him if hes ever spoken with her before or if she spoken to him before ad even better how does he even know her name? He told me hes never spoken to her before and that she doesn't even notice him. Last night I found out that he lied about never speaking to her before, the girls at work told me (not knowing the private issues) that she has a thing for him and that she wont let anybody serve her but him and that she stands in front of his bar waiting for him everynight and they look at each other while shes dancing. I'm so upset I confronted him telling him if hes behaviour is so just then why is he lying and betraying my trust to hide it. I'm furious and told him I have to rethink the engagement and he said hes fine with it if we break up and that hes tired of putting up with my shit and that I'm psycho and crazy and only embarrassing myself if I tell anyone about what is happening. I'm I overacting by leaving him? They are both aware that they are attracted to each other and he was keeping it a secret. Also he admitted to looking at fb photos of her on a "LONELY NiGHT" when I was at work(he has a masturbation issue where he replaces our sex life with masturbation not caring whether or not I'm satisfied even thought I'm available for sex, he prefers to masturbate sometimes will go long periods not caring that I feel neglected.).

Your descriptions of his behaviors i feel are quite accurate and how most people describe him. On another note, we are both VERY physically attracted to one another but that isn't everything in a relationship. I'm also concerned that he may not change because we have "paused" twice already where I moved out both times, not because I wanted to leave him however wanted to maintain my life while being in a less hostile environment . We were both willing to resolve the issues but it seems to be the most important behaviourial issues get tucked under the rug. He often refers to his parents divorce and describes his mom as a whore because she cheated on his father with his father's best friends and many others. I've suggested that perhaps we could seek the advice of a professional because he seems to relate this to how/why he reacts certain ways to situations in our relationship. Ei: with the current situation he suggests that I move out and also says he'll boot me out like his father booted his mother out. I find this disturbing because i also come from a family of divorce and believe that its more incentive to learn from someone else's mistakes and work towards a meaningful long lasting relationship. Also these sexy women from fb, porn, work etc....I find it odd that he's displaying an affinity for these TYPES( women who don't respect themselves) when his family history is what it is. Are these two things and how he treats me in this relationship possibly related? Also if we decide to pause, how would you suggest respecting each others personal personal boundaries at work when asked about our SITUATION......