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Suggest Ways To Deal With A Reluctant Partner
Question: Hello Sir,
My name is XXXX. I am working professional and happily married for last six year. We have blessed with baby girl last year. My main intent to ask for your help is to understand my mental well being. There are some concerns in my day today life which is really pinning me up:
- My wife attitude towards my parents.
- Her over protectiveness towards baby
- Dearness towards in laws and ignorance towards my family members.
For happy married life, I am keep on ignoring he behavior towards my family so as I my parents, brother and sister too. As being living in XXXXXXX we doesn't have any frequent visit to my native. But she is too reluctant to visit once in a year too. If she agrees to visit than she always impost lots condition like:
- She wants to stay at her parent house at most and just want to be stay with in laws only for a day or so.
There is no specific reason for her reluctance. I tried asking to her several times but she always has constraints about my parent like they are orthodox and not allowing her to roam freely kind of. But I never saw any kind of constraints as they are more liberal apart from claim.
I do have two sister-in-law both settled in US after their marriage. They are having carefree life over there. My wife has close bonding with them and frequent connection with them (No connection with my family member. I am not forcing her too for that). She wants me to connect with them as per their ease (I don't have any issue with that).
After birth of Baby her attitude got changed drastically. She refused to engage in marital relations and not letting me sharing room with baby and her. She is to adamant to let bay to connect with her cousin. Even though if they visit to meet her, she has pre occupied biased behavior with them.
Not sure how to handle that situation. As she don't want to be any social gathering too. She just want to be her parent house that's it. Even not letting the baby to get mingle with anyone.
I tried to check her view but she always complain about the my family members. I also approached my in-laws for their help but they are also taking her favor and keep on encouraging her.
If I keep on ignore that situation, She remains happy and but I may loose my blood relations. I am bit worried about my baby too. As she is also learning same behavior which is not good for her.
My family are so cordial and supportive on that. They always support me to be with her and keep on encouraging me to let things on time. My in-laws always exaggerate the situation and keep on blaming me and my family in open forum.
Required your support on that, as things are really on very wrong node. I am clueless and helpless. I don't want to loose any one because every one is so important for me.
My name is XXXX. I am working professional and happily married for last six year. We have blessed with baby girl last year. My main intent to ask for your help is to understand my mental well being. There are some concerns in my day today life which is really pinning me up:
- My wife attitude towards my parents.
- Her over protectiveness towards baby
- Dearness towards in laws and ignorance towards my family members.
For happy married life, I am keep on ignoring he behavior towards my family so as I my parents, brother and sister too. As being living in XXXXXXX we doesn't have any frequent visit to my native. But she is too reluctant to visit once in a year too. If she agrees to visit than she always impost lots condition like:
- She wants to stay at her parent house at most and just want to be stay with in laws only for a day or so.
There is no specific reason for her reluctance. I tried asking to her several times but she always has constraints about my parent like they are orthodox and not allowing her to roam freely kind of. But I never saw any kind of constraints as they are more liberal apart from claim.
I do have two sister-in-law both settled in US after their marriage. They are having carefree life over there. My wife has close bonding with them and frequent connection with them (No connection with my family member. I am not forcing her too for that). She wants me to connect with them as per their ease (I don't have any issue with that).
After birth of Baby her attitude got changed drastically. She refused to engage in marital relations and not letting me sharing room with baby and her. She is to adamant to let bay to connect with her cousin. Even though if they visit to meet her, she has pre occupied biased behavior with them.
Not sure how to handle that situation. As she don't want to be any social gathering too. She just want to be her parent house that's it. Even not letting the baby to get mingle with anyone.
I tried to check her view but she always complain about the my family members. I also approached my in-laws for their help but they are also taking her favor and keep on encouraging her.
If I keep on ignore that situation, She remains happy and but I may loose my blood relations. I am bit worried about my baby too. As she is also learning same behavior which is not good for her.
My family are so cordial and supportive on that. They always support me to be with her and keep on encouraging me to let things on time. My in-laws always exaggerate the situation and keep on blaming me and my family in open forum.
Required your support on that, as things are really on very wrong node. I am clueless and helpless. I don't want to loose any one because every one is so important for me.
Brief Answer:
I think there is need for counselling
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
From the available description it appears that there are some issues which need to be addressed with counselling. I do not think this can be done without speaking to the person who is responsible/centre of all issues. In other words there is need to discuss these issues while both of you are present together.
The most important thing here is to see a marital psychologist in your city. I am sure that there are many in XXXXXXX I am not supposed to name any but I think you can contact DR G XXXXXXX XXXXXXX who is expert in this field and have psychologist in his hospital who deal with these issues.
Before this can be done I am writing down few of the strategies which might help you.
1. Reciprocate in equal manner. Relationship are healthy only when there is contribution from both sides. If you do not get reciprocated limit your reciprocation to her demands.
2. Discuss these things in detail. Often I see the most common problem is inadequate communication. I am hopeful that with proper communication you can go in depth to understand her insecurities and by addressing them you can get the desired behaviour from her side.
3. Third and most importantly reinforce positive behaviour. Whenever she shows desired behaviour reinforce by gifts, verbal encouragement and other things. Whenever she shows negative behavior ignore it completely. Prefer to not to say anything.
I hope this helps you.
If you have more questions feel free to write back to me.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for my future patients.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.
I think there is need for counselling
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
From the available description it appears that there are some issues which need to be addressed with counselling. I do not think this can be done without speaking to the person who is responsible/centre of all issues. In other words there is need to discuss these issues while both of you are present together.
The most important thing here is to see a marital psychologist in your city. I am sure that there are many in XXXXXXX I am not supposed to name any but I think you can contact DR G XXXXXXX XXXXXXX who is expert in this field and have psychologist in his hospital who deal with these issues.
Before this can be done I am writing down few of the strategies which might help you.
1. Reciprocate in equal manner. Relationship are healthy only when there is contribution from both sides. If you do not get reciprocated limit your reciprocation to her demands.
2. Discuss these things in detail. Often I see the most common problem is inadequate communication. I am hopeful that with proper communication you can go in depth to understand her insecurities and by addressing them you can get the desired behaviour from her side.
3. Third and most importantly reinforce positive behaviour. Whenever she shows desired behaviour reinforce by gifts, verbal encouragement and other things. Whenever she shows negative behavior ignore it completely. Prefer to not to say anything.
I hope this helps you.
If you have more questions feel free to write back to me.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for my future patients.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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