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How To Deal With An Abusive Parent?
Question: father emotionally abuses my mother, bro, sis. he sexually abused me @10, 40ys ago.He reigns $ & a control over them. They hate & yet defend him.Help me deal.
Defend your siblings and mother.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Should he be confronted like a family intervention with a therapist. Or should we focus on therapy for ourselves, especially me re:sexual abuse that he denies & my mom now says im a liar after not wanting to be involved when I first brought his action to light when i was 30yrs old; now im 50 & she accuses me of destroying the family, but i was not the one who told my siblings 20yrs ago. That had to be my mom or dad trying to discredit me before i might say something, which i never did. I feel if i cut my dad out 100% He'll make the price so high for my family to maintain contact that i will lose my sister & i think ive begun to lose my moms friendship, my brother & i are not close as he now acts like a clone of dad.
Or do I let the whole cat out of the bag and exposed his treatment of the whole family with photos of the dump he makes my mom live in as evidense of his controlling actions
Or do I let the whole cat out of the bag and exposed his treatment of the whole family with photos of the dump he makes my mom live in as evidense of his controlling actions
Brief Answer:
It is better to take the cat out
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand concerns expressed by you. I understand that you are in dilemma to get your family out of abusive relationship with your father at the same time fearing consequences that may backfire and may damage family health.
In my view first try to convince the family members one by one. First talk to a family member to whom you have best relationship(your sister) and suffer of abusive relationship. I am also fearing that your sister might have gone through same sexual abuse and once you talk to her with compassion she will feel empowered to reveal the dark side of her own father. After taking her in confidence talk to third person in family (your mother) telling her what you are feeling and what happen on that eventful day.
I know that it will be not a easy task since your mother calls you lier but point toward her own suffering, with details how your father abuses each of them.
I am sure that two people can convince your mother in better way and following her approval take necessary step of defending each other.
Once you have support of two people you will not feel alone and you can defend in better way. Not defending each other and keeping the things under cover are not going to help any of them.
In case this is not possible or you fail to do so, you can go out to take legal help. It will be difficult for you to prove sexual abuse after 40 years but with help of photos and other evidence, you can bring your family out of mess.
Hope I am able to answer your concerns.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for me, so that I get a good feedback.
Thanks and regards
Dr Ashok Kumar
It is better to take the cat out
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand concerns expressed by you. I understand that you are in dilemma to get your family out of abusive relationship with your father at the same time fearing consequences that may backfire and may damage family health.
In my view first try to convince the family members one by one. First talk to a family member to whom you have best relationship(your sister) and suffer of abusive relationship. I am also fearing that your sister might have gone through same sexual abuse and once you talk to her with compassion she will feel empowered to reveal the dark side of her own father. After taking her in confidence talk to third person in family (your mother) telling her what you are feeling and what happen on that eventful day.
I know that it will be not a easy task since your mother calls you lier but point toward her own suffering, with details how your father abuses each of them.
I am sure that two people can convince your mother in better way and following her approval take necessary step of defending each other.
Once you have support of two people you will not feel alone and you can defend in better way. Not defending each other and keeping the things under cover are not going to help any of them.
In case this is not possible or you fail to do so, you can go out to take legal help. It will be difficult for you to prove sexual abuse after 40 years but with help of photos and other evidence, you can bring your family out of mess.
Hope I am able to answer your concerns.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for me, so that I get a good feedback.
Thanks and regards
Dr Ashok Kumar
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
Answered by
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