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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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What Should I Write To Ex-husband Who Is Dying From Cancer ?

He is the father of my only child, now an adult, who just returned from a visit. His dad is moving from treatment to hospice with 2 months (or days or weeks) to live. He just got diagnosed with cancer 9 months ago and so far I have said nothing to my ex about it, but have been getting updates from my son and trying to be supportive to him about it. Now I feel I should say something to my ex - we have been divorced a long time but I have remained on decent terms with him and his current wife, though we don't communicate much now that my son is an adult and married. My son says his Dad is not doing email anymore and that phone calls are awkward, so I thought I might send a Thinking of You type of card. What should I say or not say? Do I say anything about our past and how good that was despite the marriage not working? I want to say SOMETHING, but I don't know what! I live thousands of miles away so can't really offer help. Also, should I go to his funeral? We were married over 10 years and I was and have remained on good terms with most of his family. Thanks for any advice.

Fri, 2 Sep 2011
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General & Family Physician,  's  Response
Hi,

Welcome to HCM.
How you communicate with your Ex-Husband is totally personal, and is guided by your years spent with him. Now that he is on his death bed and you feel like reaching out to him, you should certainly do that. This has more to do with you than him. This will give you a sense of having done something nice, and you will be at peace with your conscience. Attending the funeral if feasible, will again benefit you personally, thoug it may be of little use to person who has already said good bye to the world.
Whatever you feel like communicating you communicate, but be brief, for he won't be in a position to read a long passage or understand it.
Something like "I still love, wish you speedy recovery".
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What Should I Write To Ex-husband Who Is Dying From Cancer ?

Hi, Welcome to HCM. How you communicate with your Ex-Husband is totally personal, and is guided by your years spent with him. Now that he is on his death bed and you feel like reaching out to him, you should certainly do that. This has more to do with you than him. This will give you a sense of having done something nice, and you will be at peace with your conscience. Attending the funeral if feasible, will again benefit you personally, thoug it may be of little use to person who has already said good bye to the world. Whatever you feel like communicating you communicate, but be brief, for he won t be in a position to read a long passage or understand it. Something like I still love, wish you speedy recovery .