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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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Unable To Ejaculate, Feeling Frustrated. Stressed And Tired. How To Make Him Relax?

My boyfriend has been under a lot of stress , long work hours, tired etc. We have been together for about 6 months and 3 months ago is when the stress/ anxiety started due to a new work schedule. Previous to this change he was able to climax/ejaculate without problem, sometimes it would take a little while but he always could. In the last couple months maybe 3 times out of the last 10 times we have had sex he has ejaculated/climaxed, this seriously frustrates him, I am being understanding and told him that if he worries about it too much it may not happen. So 45 minutes of sex and we are both exhausted, and in pain so we just stop. This makes him want sex even less because he gets so frustrated. I am aware of Delayed Ejaculation , and I believe the amount of stress he has been under is causing this issue, but I don t know how to help relax him so that he can fully enjoy a sexual encounter.
Fri, 6 Jul 2012
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Psychiatrist,  's  Response
This is an annoying and upsetting problem for you both, I am sure. There is no doubt that if he is experiencing high stress levels at work, this can affect his ability to orgasm and ejaculate. My suggestion is that he use masturbation as a "rehearsal" for sex. If he can masturbate to orgasm/ejaculation successfully, then this may translate into better results as a couple in the bedroom. Also, he may be able to finish better with manual or oral sex techniques than with vaginal intercourse. The vagina is sometimes not tight enough and not guided enough a stimulation to allow for a good excitement phase that plateaus prior to orgasm/ejaculation. There is no use engaging in intercourse for 45 minutes if he doesn't feel aroused to a reasonable plateau at any point. It's better for him to pull out at some point and for you to try to finish him off with your hands, mouth, or even both and see if this works better for him. Communication during the act is crucial. You should ask him what he wants/needs from you and he should feel free and easy expressing this to you. This communication will also help him overcome this issue. It's great that you aren't pressuring him to perform, because that would certainly make it worse. Relaxing is more useful, for both of you. Best of luck and I hope things improve soon.
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Unable To Ejaculate, Feeling Frustrated. Stressed And Tired. How To Make Him Relax?

This is an annoying and upsetting problem for you both, I am sure. There is no doubt that if he is experiencing high stress levels at work, this can affect his ability to orgasm and ejaculate. My suggestion is that he use masturbation as a rehearsal for sex. If he can masturbate to orgasm/ejaculation successfully, then this may translate into better results as a couple in the bedroom. Also, he may be able to finish better with manual or oral sex techniques than with vaginal intercourse. The vagina is sometimes not tight enough and not guided enough a stimulation to allow for a good excitement phase that plateaus prior to orgasm/ejaculation. There is no use engaging in intercourse for 45 minutes if he doesn t feel aroused to a reasonable plateau at any point. It s better for him to pull out at some point and for you to try to finish him off with your hands, mouth, or even both and see if this works better for him. Communication during the act is crucial. You should ask him what he wants/needs from you and he should feel free and easy expressing this to you. This communication will also help him overcome this issue. It s great that you aren t pressuring him to perform, because that would certainly make it worse. Relaxing is more useful, for both of you. Best of luck and I hope things improve soon.