Thanks for posting your query here. Well, you don't really want to die; you are just feeling utterly disillusioned with life and possibly experiencing self-pity as well. You posted this query here, and it is an indication that although you feel you want to die, you would really love to live life, especially a life that is less complicated and more fun to live, like when you were a child. There are emotional causes that are responsible, but we need to explore the physical causes first. Are you sleeping regularly and on time? Eating your meals at regular intervals? How long has it been since you underwent the surgery you mentioned?
I agree that family is an important aspect of who we are and how we feel, but its not the ONLY aspect. A family is created when you are in it; and there is no need to restrict oneself to conventional definitions of family. Relationships fail and people move on; its better than making oneself miserable in a relationship that isn't making you happy.
Here's my advice, and I give it knowing that I have been where you are now: 1. You are strongest when you rely on yourself emotionally. Yes, it won't be easy at first, it will take you some time, but soon you will get the hang of it. Get in touch with who you used to be as a child; try to recapture the feeling of self-love you had as a child, when you did not judge yourself. 2. Use the past like a textbook of life events; you learn from it, but don't dwell on it. 3. Make sure you sleep regularly, 8 hours of sleep is a must; let your body get used to a regular sleep pattern. 4. Eat right. Have at least 6 meals a day; its easy for depression
to set in when blood sugars get low. So, have small frequent meals every 2-3 hours; it can be a slice of bread or a boiled egg, but eat something. 5. Get some exercise; our body produces endorphins (happy chemicals) when we exercise regularly. Start by taking a walk for 10-15 min and increase the duration to 30-45 min. Join a gym. 6. Interact socially. Keep a pet.
Life is beautiful; do write in whenever you need a reminder :-)