Thanks for your query with HealthCareMagic.
Based on your description, it appears that you are struggling a lot with your problems and perhaps it's a chronic problem which has become worse over last few months. While on one hand you are ashamed of seeking help face to face, you are trying to get self-help through any other means available.
Let's talk about what you might be suffering from first. On the face of it, you are suffering from excessive, unreasonable worry which is difficult to get rid of despite your best attempts and taking a lot of your time along with affecting your sleep pattern. While on one hand you realize it to be bad for you, on the other hand you try to pacify yourself by finding out some plausible logic for your worries. For example, if you worry about your finances, you can justify it by saying that anyone would have the same worry having been put into my situation. But what is problematic here is the excessiveness of your worry. In a way, worry seems to have become a daily habit for you. In other words, it can be said that you 'worry about worry'. During this entire process, you might have stopped focussing on solving your problems which can further complicate the problem. Eventually, this seems to have progressed into a state of despair, helplessness, worthlessness and death wishes which could be manifestations of clinical depression
. So, you may be suffering from 'generalized anxiety
disorder' and 'depressive disorder'.
Now comes the issue of tackling the problem. The first step would be to recognize the nature of the problem and need for help seeking ASAP. Given that you seems to be internet friendly person, you can search about the above-mentioned diagnosis and see if it fits
into your description of problems. There are plenty of self-help books available for self-help which should provide you with simple tips to manage the problem. This should also motivate you to seek help from local psychiatrist
and if needed, a good clinical psychologist
The good news is that your problem will respond very well to treatment despite the perceived enormity of the situation. So, don't feel discouraged and start taking the first step in right direction now.