Dear Sir/ Madam
If you are experiencing unwanted intrusive thought which are not pleasurable, distressing, repetitive, and difficult to control and in order to get some relief you have to do certain things. It is Obsessive compulsive disorder if you do not have other unusual experiences. If it is accompanied by persistent sadness with disturbed sleep and appetite, fatigues, pessimism etc than you are also having depression
Since you have suicidal thought, this is an urgent condition warrant immediate attention as it may lead to serious consequences.Since your condition is quite distressing and disabling, consult qualified psychiatrist
immediately. Your condition seems to require immediate medication treatment.
Get well soon.