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Child Addicted To Internet, Just Speaks All Imaginary Things To Get Away From Hostel. How To Tackle This Problem ?
Hi doctor,
My name is AAAA writing from Dubai now. I have some doubts and clarifications regarding my daughter who is 17 year old and now studying in Kerala , India in 11 grade.. She is in Convent school hostel now and she is not interested in studies at all. I have two daughters and I brought them up alone as i am separated from my husband from 2001 to 2010.(He was in Muscat at that time and went with some lady means he has some other relations. Because of her behaviour ,I thought of briging him back as per his brothers' request if he can live as a family . But again he is leading the old life with many other relations.now he is not with us) She is very much addicted to mobile phones and internet even though i have restricted these 2 upto certain level. she used chat with unknown males in my absence and she is saying they are her friends. I tried my maximum to make her understand the meaning of friends and also the problems of such behaviour. Now whenever I spoke to her in the hostel over phone she is complainig that she cannot continue in the hostel and I know it is because of that strict not having access to internet and mobile. now the way she behaves is creating a lot of problems to me .she used to scribble something daily in her dairy and it is like she is living in fantasy world with her friend. She used to tell other children and warden that she used to go out with him etc which was not happened. the person she is talking about is not even seen her earlier. Earlier two years back i tried to consult a phycologists with her, she came one day and she didnt come for second time. I would be gateful if you can suggest some possible way how to take her to a normal life.
Many Thanks,
AAAAA
My name is AAAA writing from Dubai now. I have some doubts and clarifications regarding my daughter who is 17 year old and now studying in Kerala , India in 11 grade.. She is in Convent school hostel now and she is not interested in studies at all. I have two daughters and I brought them up alone as i am separated from my husband from 2001 to 2010.(He was in Muscat at that time and went with some lady means he has some other relations. Because of her behaviour ,I thought of briging him back as per his brothers' request if he can live as a family . But again he is leading the old life with many other relations.now he is not with us) She is very much addicted to mobile phones and internet even though i have restricted these 2 upto certain level. she used chat with unknown males in my absence and she is saying they are her friends. I tried my maximum to make her understand the meaning of friends and also the problems of such behaviour. Now whenever I spoke to her in the hostel over phone she is complainig that she cannot continue in the hostel and I know it is because of that strict not having access to internet and mobile. now the way she behaves is creating a lot of problems to me .she used to scribble something daily in her dairy and it is like she is living in fantasy world with her friend. She used to tell other children and warden that she used to go out with him etc which was not happened. the person she is talking about is not even seen her earlier. Earlier two years back i tried to consult a phycologists with her, she came one day and she didnt come for second time. I would be gateful if you can suggest some possible way how to take her to a normal life.
Many Thanks,
AAAAA
Sat, 24 Aug 2013
Hi,
Thanks for writing to us,
As you have explained, your daughter has had a difficult childhood being brought up by a single mother. She also might have witnessed her father's attitude towards the family or towards you who is her mother and as you say he was promiscuous. She has not had a father figure in her life and may have had improper parental supervision for many of these stated reasons. All this can have a negative impact on the development of a child's personality. A person can have deviant personality traits which make them more vulnerable to problems like addiction or excessive usage of things like the internet and mobile phones to an extent of neglect of routine activities, seeking fulfillment of emotional needs from strangers, especially of the opposite gender or confabulating or manipulating by making up stories in order to get what they want.
Firstly it would be advisable to get a detailed psychiatric evaluation at this point to rule out the possibility of any underlying mental illness. To make sure she does not truly believe the stories she has been telling people. You also need to make sure she is not having any genuine adjustment problems in the hostel. If this happens to be her way of manipulating you into getting her out of hostel then it would be advisable to keep her in the hostel till she gets used to it eventually. Get in touch with her hostel authorities and try to be aware of her behavior and also see if they can help you out by keeping her constantly engaged in some activities by making a schedule for her daily activities till late in the evening, by including sports, studies, projects, monitoring etc. This would help her a great deal.
Hope this helps,
Dr A Rao Kavoor
Thanks for writing to us,
As you have explained, your daughter has had a difficult childhood being brought up by a single mother. She also might have witnessed her father's attitude towards the family or towards you who is her mother and as you say he was promiscuous. She has not had a father figure in her life and may have had improper parental supervision for many of these stated reasons. All this can have a negative impact on the development of a child's personality. A person can have deviant personality traits which make them more vulnerable to problems like addiction or excessive usage of things like the internet and mobile phones to an extent of neglect of routine activities, seeking fulfillment of emotional needs from strangers, especially of the opposite gender or confabulating or manipulating by making up stories in order to get what they want.
Firstly it would be advisable to get a detailed psychiatric evaluation at this point to rule out the possibility of any underlying mental illness. To make sure she does not truly believe the stories she has been telling people. You also need to make sure she is not having any genuine adjustment problems in the hostel. If this happens to be her way of manipulating you into getting her out of hostel then it would be advisable to keep her in the hostel till she gets used to it eventually. Get in touch with her hostel authorities and try to be aware of her behavior and also see if they can help you out by keeping her constantly engaged in some activities by making a schedule for her daily activities till late in the evening, by including sports, studies, projects, monitoring etc. This would help her a great deal.
Hope this helps,
Dr A Rao Kavoor
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