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Suggest Ways To Deal With A Teenager With Rebellious And Negative Behaviour
Question: Sir,
My one & only son XXXX 15 year's old . Fom Morning Till night 2 am he is in
whatsapp/mobile/TV/internet/computer game/playing etc etc except college timimg.
No Study at Home not a minute , No Sweet/Love /talk with us. Only Friends & neighbours, our close relatives he speak .But we father/mother no talk at all because
his mind allways on XXXXXXX whatsapp . No Timely food, bath , brushing etc . we have to pressarise him for that .If we ask his reply he not get sleep but morning he wake up at 12 pm after my wife ask him for wake up him several time's .Morning class at 7 am he is not going at all because he sleeps at 2 am . we want he should talk with us,he should love us most.
. I am daily giving him kiss in his sleep only other wise he is not allowing me .since he is busy in XXXXXXX or computer game. .2 OR 3 days in month he goes to class that also after we presuurise him .we can't survive without him even for a minute.
we both love him too much. we give him whatever he ask us . How to sort out this. we cant beat him .since he is young & we are crossed 55 years age.not listning to us both.Only friends call he will run. if we call for shopping,temple relative he i s not coming. Please help us.He should study well & stand on his footh after our death if any.
My one & only son XXXX 15 year's old . Fom Morning Till night 2 am he is in
whatsapp/mobile/TV/internet/computer game/playing etc etc except college timimg.
No Study at Home not a minute , No Sweet/Love /talk with us. Only Friends & neighbours, our close relatives he speak .But we father/mother no talk at all because
his mind allways on XXXXXXX whatsapp . No Timely food, bath , brushing etc . we have to pressarise him for that .If we ask his reply he not get sleep but morning he wake up at 12 pm after my wife ask him for wake up him several time's .Morning class at 7 am he is not going at all because he sleeps at 2 am . we want he should talk with us,he should love us most.
. I am daily giving him kiss in his sleep only other wise he is not allowing me .since he is busy in XXXXXXX or computer game. .2 OR 3 days in month he goes to class that also after we presuurise him .we can't survive without him even for a minute.
we both love him too much. we give him whatever he ask us . How to sort out this. we cant beat him .since he is young & we are crossed 55 years age.not listning to us both.Only friends call he will run. if we call for shopping,temple relative he i s not coming. Please help us.He should study well & stand on his footh after our death if any.
Brief Answer:
Treat these problems as normal teenage problems.
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for choosing HCM for your health related queries
I have read your query and I can understand your problem. The behaviour he is showing is a common behaviour seen in teens of his age. He is your only child and this has probably resulted in indifferent attitude in him. He has started taking everything for granted.
A boy at his age has thinking that he knows anything, he can solve anything and he has become independent but in real they are not. They also have unconscious fear about their autonomy. To get desired behavior you have to take benefit of this thing. You have to show more assertiveness and harshness in your behavior.
- He is only 15 and at this stage personality of individual has not been formed. So he will take time to develop a good personality. Don't have excess expectations with him, like caring for you or going to temple with you. Such behavior is not acceptable in teens and currently he is in state of confusion. Don't expect him to behave like an adult instead expect his behavior as careless teen.
-Present you and your wife as a unit in front of him. Make him realize that you and your wife are one thing and both of you will decide about him. If you and your wife have some contradiction on something don't present it in front of him.
- Never fight with him over friends unless strongly indicated. Don't ask him or treat him with suspicion. Always welcome him with smile. Even him he comes late from friend’s house doesn’t treat him with suspiciousness.
- Never check his personal things like XXXXXXX laptop etc. These days a lot of teens spend time on Facebook or whatsapp. Instead give him choice that he should balance between studies and internet. Convey him the message that he should keep a balance between whatsapp and studies.
- Try to develop rapport with him. Keep an empathetic attitude towards him. If he is not going to temple or market with you people then you can take him to a movie or to a play store. Gift him small things regularly. Spend time with him and then try to talk with him regarding any problem. He will not talk for some time but with time he will start confiding in you.
- Don’t present yourself as weak in front of him. Be determined and if he is not doing accordingly then don't fear to become harsh and hard. Stick to your decision and don't change it at any cost. This will make him realize about your position. Don't argue with him on minor things and avoid fighting.
- Always welcome his friends with smile. Don't stop him doing anything or don't scold him in front of his friends. Don't yell at him.
Try to follow the things about parenting I have mentioned and you will see improvement. It will take some time but will definitely change his behavior. Keep one thing in mind that you parents are superior to him and even if you have become hard on anything it would be in good interest for him.
Hope this helps you; please ask again if you have more doubts in follow up question.
Treat these problems as normal teenage problems.
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for choosing HCM for your health related queries
I have read your query and I can understand your problem. The behaviour he is showing is a common behaviour seen in teens of his age. He is your only child and this has probably resulted in indifferent attitude in him. He has started taking everything for granted.
A boy at his age has thinking that he knows anything, he can solve anything and he has become independent but in real they are not. They also have unconscious fear about their autonomy. To get desired behavior you have to take benefit of this thing. You have to show more assertiveness and harshness in your behavior.
- He is only 15 and at this stage personality of individual has not been formed. So he will take time to develop a good personality. Don't have excess expectations with him, like caring for you or going to temple with you. Such behavior is not acceptable in teens and currently he is in state of confusion. Don't expect him to behave like an adult instead expect his behavior as careless teen.
-Present you and your wife as a unit in front of him. Make him realize that you and your wife are one thing and both of you will decide about him. If you and your wife have some contradiction on something don't present it in front of him.
- Never fight with him over friends unless strongly indicated. Don't ask him or treat him with suspicion. Always welcome him with smile. Even him he comes late from friend’s house doesn’t treat him with suspiciousness.
- Never check his personal things like XXXXXXX laptop etc. These days a lot of teens spend time on Facebook or whatsapp. Instead give him choice that he should balance between studies and internet. Convey him the message that he should keep a balance between whatsapp and studies.
- Try to develop rapport with him. Keep an empathetic attitude towards him. If he is not going to temple or market with you people then you can take him to a movie or to a play store. Gift him small things regularly. Spend time with him and then try to talk with him regarding any problem. He will not talk for some time but with time he will start confiding in you.
- Don’t present yourself as weak in front of him. Be determined and if he is not doing accordingly then don't fear to become harsh and hard. Stick to your decision and don't change it at any cost. This will make him realize about your position. Don't argue with him on minor things and avoid fighting.
- Always welcome his friends with smile. Don't stop him doing anything or don't scold him in front of his friends. Don't yell at him.
Try to follow the things about parenting I have mentioned and you will see improvement. It will take some time but will definitely change his behavior. Keep one thing in mind that you parents are superior to him and even if you have become hard on anything it would be in good interest for him.
Hope this helps you; please ask again if you have more doubts in follow up question.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
Answered by
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