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Suggest Treatment For Relationship Issues Due To Drug Abuse And Excessive Alcohol Consumption
Question: My mother, is in her late 60's and recently my brother moved in with her, the problem is that ever since my father died she has seen my brother as a replacement husband, my dad has been dead for over 12 years , its getting gross how Mom is with him. Its we this and XXXXXXX told me we are going to do this and that. My brother has had drug problems and now has access to her money and is taking advantage of her. She thinks he is perfect, even when everything he fixes has to be fixed again. For example he fixed her toilet and two flushes later she was calling me. She has made some decisions recently that seem fucked and she is a heavy drinker, my husband thinks she needs a mental evaluation and I kind of agree but, she would hate me for it. Any thoughts?
Brief Answer:
Keep trying to make her figure out
Detailed Answer:
Dear Ms, I have gone through your question and I understand your concerns . but you need to put in mind that people generally tend to be used for the want of companionship or love or other emotion of the same category. It makes them feel better and emotionally satisfied.
Just bringing evidence to the table, or trying directly to convince her that she is being used , might cause you to be in a position where you are mis-understood.
You have to deeply understand why they want to be in that situation to be used, ( maybe she fears the idea of living alone ) and then either offer a better situation, show her that there are better options or make him somehow realize that she doesn't need his presence anymore.
I think that getting her mentally evaluated will cause negative results with you being inconsiderate and accusing her of mental illness, while he will be in a position that he is taking care of her. so I don't recommend that .i hope I answered your question.
Keep trying to make her figure out
Detailed Answer:
Dear Ms, I have gone through your question and I understand your concerns . but you need to put in mind that people generally tend to be used for the want of companionship or love or other emotion of the same category. It makes them feel better and emotionally satisfied.
Just bringing evidence to the table, or trying directly to convince her that she is being used , might cause you to be in a position where you are mis-understood.
You have to deeply understand why they want to be in that situation to be used, ( maybe she fears the idea of living alone ) and then either offer a better situation, show her that there are better options or make him somehow realize that she doesn't need his presence anymore.
I think that getting her mentally evaluated will cause negative results with you being inconsiderate and accusing her of mental illness, while he will be in a position that he is taking care of her. so I don't recommend that .i hope I answered your question.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Raju A.T
I understand your answer that she would misunderstand my intentions to help her, but I am worried.
Right now I want to ignore the whole thing but I am not sure its the right thing to do.
Let me give you am example.
Last fall Mom had my brother put a new roof on the lake cabin, he said he would haul the old roofing away. He half-assed the roof and all the old roofing is piled around the cabin. She told my sister and her husband that all the old roofing was cleaned up and gone.
We don't know if she was lying to them, or if XXXXXXX lied to her. Now she is having him do her roof in town. When he hasn't even finished cleaning up his last mess or really finishing the cabin roof.
I am not going to interfere or even mention the roof in town. That's what we do, ignore everything. If I bring it up it will be an argument and she knows how I feel about XXXXXXX he got arrested for meth at 19 and never got treatment. He promised Mommy he would never do it again and that was good enough for her.
But when he stabbed and beat on his girlfriend that was okay with Mom because his girlfriend made him mad.
When he dropped out of WSU that was a paid education for him, all the way my Dads best friend was paying for everything except housing, and my Mom bought him a trailer, so all he needed was a part time job, he threw it all away. And lied to my Mom the whole time, he still is lying to her and probably stealing from her.
And I don't care about his shit, I care about my Mom.
He tells her she is feeble and can't deal with things. He makes her feel old and paranoid.
She thinks everyone is trying to take advantage of her and the more time she spends with my brother the worse it gets.
I don't know what to do. I don't think she is happy living with XXXXXXX he is trashing her house, but she won't stand up for herself. I wonder where my Mom is.
It sucks more because I am the person legally assigned by the trust to look after her if she needs it.
I feel lost with the Mom thing, I am in charge of her health care, but she lies to me about everything.
She even has told me point blank, "I'll just lie to you and say I'm better" I don't think she meant to tell me she lied to me all the time,but I know she does. Why put me in charge of the Trust when you are afraid to tell the truth?
Why does she lie all the time, and feel so bad about herself. I know my brother is messing with her head.
My man (of over 20 years) and my sister and her husband are concerned about XXXXXXX living with Mom too.
He is a creepy little guy. I'm glad he is a felon and can't own guns legally.
Any ideas?
Right now I want to ignore the whole thing but I am not sure its the right thing to do.
Let me give you am example.
Last fall Mom had my brother put a new roof on the lake cabin, he said he would haul the old roofing away. He half-assed the roof and all the old roofing is piled around the cabin. She told my sister and her husband that all the old roofing was cleaned up and gone.
We don't know if she was lying to them, or if XXXXXXX lied to her. Now she is having him do her roof in town. When he hasn't even finished cleaning up his last mess or really finishing the cabin roof.
I am not going to interfere or even mention the roof in town. That's what we do, ignore everything. If I bring it up it will be an argument and she knows how I feel about XXXXXXX he got arrested for meth at 19 and never got treatment. He promised Mommy he would never do it again and that was good enough for her.
But when he stabbed and beat on his girlfriend that was okay with Mom because his girlfriend made him mad.
When he dropped out of WSU that was a paid education for him, all the way my Dads best friend was paying for everything except housing, and my Mom bought him a trailer, so all he needed was a part time job, he threw it all away. And lied to my Mom the whole time, he still is lying to her and probably stealing from her.
And I don't care about his shit, I care about my Mom.
He tells her she is feeble and can't deal with things. He makes her feel old and paranoid.
She thinks everyone is trying to take advantage of her and the more time she spends with my brother the worse it gets.
I don't know what to do. I don't think she is happy living with XXXXXXX he is trashing her house, but she won't stand up for herself. I wonder where my Mom is.
It sucks more because I am the person legally assigned by the trust to look after her if she needs it.
I feel lost with the Mom thing, I am in charge of her health care, but she lies to me about everything.
She even has told me point blank, "I'll just lie to you and say I'm better" I don't think she meant to tell me she lied to me all the time,but I know she does. Why put me in charge of the Trust when you are afraid to tell the truth?
Why does she lie all the time, and feel so bad about herself. I know my brother is messing with her head.
My man (of over 20 years) and my sister and her husband are concerned about XXXXXXX living with Mom too.
He is a creepy little guy. I'm glad he is a felon and can't own guns legally.
Any ideas?
Brief Answer:
Either fix him or stop him from being alone with your mother
Detailed Answer:
Dear Ms,
I understand your concerns but It seems that your brother's influence over your mother is huge. That in my opinion is because he spends much longer time with your mother than you do.. This gives him all the opportunity he needs to lie to her and even convince her with his lies.
There are two ways you could do this , either you try to fix your brother's behaviors by seeking an intervention with his drug usage if he still do drugs , ,getting him a job and monitoring his behaviours closely.
or you could try to stop his influence over your mothers and this will be achieved only if your and your sister make a time table so that she is never left alone with him and at all times she is accompanied with either of you. This way he will not get any opportunities to lie to her or to use her.
I hope I answered your question.
Either fix him or stop him from being alone with your mother
Detailed Answer:
Dear Ms,
I understand your concerns but It seems that your brother's influence over your mother is huge. That in my opinion is because he spends much longer time with your mother than you do.. This gives him all the opportunity he needs to lie to her and even convince her with his lies.
There are two ways you could do this , either you try to fix your brother's behaviors by seeking an intervention with his drug usage if he still do drugs , ,getting him a job and monitoring his behaviours closely.
or you could try to stop his influence over your mothers and this will be achieved only if your and your sister make a time table so that she is never left alone with him and at all times she is accompanied with either of you. This way he will not get any opportunities to lie to her or to use her.
I hope I answered your question.
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Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
Answered by
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