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Question: am lost... I feel like I made a mistake and don't know what to do. She was 23 and I was 26. After marriage , She didn't want to kiss in the beginning, more than pecks that is. She also didn't want sex after marriage too. I kissed her lightly, and just felt horny all the time.. The first time we had sex after she came Saudi, but she had to be pushed to even do that. I ask her if she's horny and she says no, she's never horny. She doesn't want my tongue in her mouth, she freaks out if her hand accidentally touches my penis, and she always wants the light off when having sex, oh and the blankets up over us. So no intimate kissing anywhere, anytime, no oral sex on me, not much seeing her nude, never sex anywhere except in the bed, no shower or fun places. Basically, we just have sex for parents happiness.But not at all satisfied.am saying its same to sex with dead body and wife doesn’t make any difference.
That's it, no making out ever, not one time, no her touching my penis, not once ever, no her jumping on me and wanting sex from me or wanting me sexually or even wanting me to sexually please her. Maybe that's enough for some people... I don't know if I'm wrong. It's not that she's self-conscious thoug. She is so hot that she keeps a photo of herself on her cell phone and in the photo slot in her wallet. Not me and her, but just a photo of her. I have told her of my unhappiness about these things many times and she says that she doesn't like it and I'm being selfish and always thinking of myself and not her feelings.
It's not bad, pretty good, but something is missing. I don't feel connected to her. I want to kiss her without sex. I want her to touch me sexually. I feel like I need her to behave like she wants me. She is good about giving me sex at least because she knows it is a "duty" of some kind for a wife. She s closing her eyes and am doing intercourse is bullshit and rubbish.That's how she explains it. She thinks it's important for us do have sex. But the problem is that I think it's important to be more intimate like kissing, touching, foreplay... I just feel like she is doing the absolute bare minimum and I feel like I shouldn't have to live my life this way. I have one life. Our sex life is scheduled.. She is very clear that she loves me and want to be with me forever, but she just doesn't care about these things. Problem is that I do, very much. I am not happy most of the time. I am depressed inside and it's starting to show more and more. I am also fantasizing and dreaming and the intimacy I had in the past. I don't know what to do. I would feel terrible leaving her. She depends on me and loves me and is happy, but I'm not. She would be very hurt if I told her it had to end and it is sooo hard to do that. I wish we could fix it, but she says "this is who she is" and she does a alot for me. She feels like she does a lot by letting me see her naked a little in the low lit room and things like that. But it's not a lot to me. I wouldn't be posting this if It wasn't serious. I have seriously been unhappy in this relationship since we got married and I realized nothing was changing and getting better. I thought it would get better after we got married and started having sex, but it's not. It may seem like I'm lucky to have what I have. I am lucky in ways, but I just can't stop wanting intimacy other than just intercourse. I don't know if I'm weird that I need more that just intercourse, but I just can't get over it and I keep trying week after week. I am lost ???
That's it, no making out ever, not one time, no her touching my penis, not once ever, no her jumping on me and wanting sex from me or wanting me sexually or even wanting me to sexually please her. Maybe that's enough for some people... I don't know if I'm wrong. It's not that she's self-conscious thoug. She is so hot that she keeps a photo of herself on her cell phone and in the photo slot in her wallet. Not me and her, but just a photo of her. I have told her of my unhappiness about these things many times and she says that she doesn't like it and I'm being selfish and always thinking of myself and not her feelings.
It's not bad, pretty good, but something is missing. I don't feel connected to her. I want to kiss her without sex. I want her to touch me sexually. I feel like I need her to behave like she wants me. She is good about giving me sex at least because she knows it is a "duty" of some kind for a wife. She s closing her eyes and am doing intercourse is bullshit and rubbish.That's how she explains it. She thinks it's important for us do have sex. But the problem is that I think it's important to be more intimate like kissing, touching, foreplay... I just feel like she is doing the absolute bare minimum and I feel like I shouldn't have to live my life this way. I have one life. Our sex life is scheduled.. She is very clear that she loves me and want to be with me forever, but she just doesn't care about these things. Problem is that I do, very much. I am not happy most of the time. I am depressed inside and it's starting to show more and more. I am also fantasizing and dreaming and the intimacy I had in the past. I don't know what to do. I would feel terrible leaving her. She depends on me and loves me and is happy, but I'm not. She would be very hurt if I told her it had to end and it is sooo hard to do that. I wish we could fix it, but she says "this is who she is" and she does a alot for me. She feels like she does a lot by letting me see her naked a little in the low lit room and things like that. But it's not a lot to me. I wouldn't be posting this if It wasn't serious. I have seriously been unhappy in this relationship since we got married and I realized nothing was changing and getting better. I thought it would get better after we got married and started having sex, but it's not. It may seem like I'm lucky to have what I have. I am lucky in ways, but I just can't stop wanting intimacy other than just intercourse. I don't know if I'm weird that I need more that just intercourse, but I just can't get over it and I keep trying week after week. I am lost ???
Brief Answer:
couple counseling is needed
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXX,
Thanks for writing to us. I can understand your concern.
From your history it seems that your problem is genuine and you are absolutely right on your part. In this case your wife's believes towards sex should be changed. Sex is not merely meeting of two bodies. It is more than that.
Her attitude towards sex depends on her brought up, culture, family values and religious norms. These all should be evaluated in detail to know her attitude towards sex. After that some intervention can be done.
You both love each other but ultimately both should respect each other's feelings but it does not mean that one should scarifies and suffers. Your demand is normal from social perspective. Just convince her to take her to some sexologist/psychiatrist to save your marriage life. Couple counseling is needed. Hope this will work.
You can take help of her friend or sister who is of her age and can understand your concern positively.
I am sorry but I also want to clarify one thing. If at all she cannot be convinced, better to separate rather than continuing relationship compulsorily without true feelings.
Let me know her family background and education.
Hope I have answered your query, I will be happy to help further.
Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.
couple counseling is needed
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXX,
Thanks for writing to us. I can understand your concern.
From your history it seems that your problem is genuine and you are absolutely right on your part. In this case your wife's believes towards sex should be changed. Sex is not merely meeting of two bodies. It is more than that.
Her attitude towards sex depends on her brought up, culture, family values and religious norms. These all should be evaluated in detail to know her attitude towards sex. After that some intervention can be done.
You both love each other but ultimately both should respect each other's feelings but it does not mean that one should scarifies and suffers. Your demand is normal from social perspective. Just convince her to take her to some sexologist/psychiatrist to save your marriage life. Couple counseling is needed. Hope this will work.
You can take help of her friend or sister who is of her age and can understand your concern positively.
I am sorry but I also want to clarify one thing. If at all she cannot be convinced, better to separate rather than continuing relationship compulsorily without true feelings.
Let me know her family background and education.
Hope I have answered your query, I will be happy to help further.
Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
we are married one year before
I noticed 20 days she s not happy in marriage lyf.
when I checked her XXXXXXX he loved one guy and hates me.
then I told to her parents and they warned her
she realized and promised me here after she wont contact
then I came abroad ,after 10 months I bring abroad
still she hate and then I found out she s n touch with same guy
she gave hard time during phone conversation of 10 months too
again their parents told they will die and now again she told she wont contact
I told to her cousins and my wife tols she s addict
now she s changing
if I told to my parents it will led to divorce
my love on her was true
still am waiting for her to love,care ,respect rather than sex
I noticed 20 days she s not happy in marriage lyf.
when I checked her XXXXXXX he loved one guy and hates me.
then I told to her parents and they warned her
she realized and promised me here after she wont contact
then I came abroad ,after 10 months I bring abroad
still she hate and then I found out she s n touch with same guy
she gave hard time during phone conversation of 10 months too
again their parents told they will die and now again she told she wont contact
I told to her cousins and my wife tols she s addict
now she s changing
if I told to my parents it will led to divorce
my love on her was true
still am waiting for her to love,care ,respect rather than sex
Brief Answer:
possibility of change in her is there
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thanks for more information. I appreciate your feelings.
You can give her second chance if you still love her. Your love may change her attitude and you can get response in form of love and care. At any stage if you feel that she is still cheating you, better to separate.
1 year marriage life (10 months away from each other) is not sufficient to understand each other and win heart of the person. Give time to yourself and her. There is possibility that she may change. Just keep precaution that she should not be pregnant in near future. It is difficult to separate after having child.
Feel free to discuss further.
possibility of change in her is there
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thanks for more information. I appreciate your feelings.
You can give her second chance if you still love her. Your love may change her attitude and you can get response in form of love and care. At any stage if you feel that she is still cheating you, better to separate.
1 year marriage life (10 months away from each other) is not sufficient to understand each other and win heart of the person. Give time to yourself and her. There is possibility that she may change. Just keep precaution that she should not be pregnant in near future. It is difficult to separate after having child.
Feel free to discuss further.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Arnab Banerjee
Thx a lot for your words
even though she s not interested in sex ,we need a baby which lead both happy lyf
she closing her eyes am doing intercourse.
its very hard for me but i have no option.
she doesnt like to kiss in lips
she itself remove her clothes and close her eyes.
them i will do intercourse .he never change any position and doesn't show any feelings.
till now she never hugged /kissed me /touched me.
i need my wife to pregnant.That baby will lead our life
i always forgive my wife and that guy continuously cheating girls
even though she s not interested in sex ,we need a baby which lead both happy lyf
she closing her eyes am doing intercourse.
its very hard for me but i have no option.
she doesnt like to kiss in lips
she itself remove her clothes and close her eyes.
them i will do intercourse .he never change any position and doesn't show any feelings.
till now she never hugged /kissed me /touched me.
i need my wife to pregnant.That baby will lead our life
i always forgive my wife and that guy continuously cheating girls
Brief Answer:
I appreciate your compromise
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Yes you are right that child can change relationship of couple. But it is only possible when you can accept your wife as she is. If you can compromise your romantic, affectionate marital and sex life without any repent or guilt you can move forward. You can think over it for few days and then can move forward with firm decision.
If still any query there, I will be happy to answer if not, you can close the discussion and if feasible give your feedback and rating so I can improve my service.
In future if you wish you can contact me directly with following link:
http://bit.ly/drchintansolanki
by clicking on 'Ask me a question' on same page with three follow up questions.
All the best and take care.
I appreciate your compromise
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Yes you are right that child can change relationship of couple. But it is only possible when you can accept your wife as she is. If you can compromise your romantic, affectionate marital and sex life without any repent or guilt you can move forward. You can think over it for few days and then can move forward with firm decision.
If still any query there, I will be happy to answer if not, you can close the discussion and if feasible give your feedback and rating so I can improve my service.
In future if you wish you can contact me directly with following link:
http://bit.ly/drchintansolanki
by clicking on 'Ask me a question' on same page with three follow up questions.
All the best and take care.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
ou can compromise your romantic, affectionate marital and sex life without any repent or guilt you can move forward.
i didnt understand your point
i almost sacrificed everything for her.
my parents itself not speaking to me since i didnt any complaint abt her.
they understand some pblm going on.
i acnt intercourse like this.
both have to enjoyit right????
waht am doing is just like rape/prostitutuion .NOt look like husband /wife relationship
everyday am gifting her
sudden XXXXXXX
evn though everday am kissing her on forehjead and chick
she never feel anything
just like idol she s standing
The fertile window begins five days prior to ovulation, and ends the day after an egg is released. Supposing a perfectly regular 28-day menstrual cycle with ovulation at Day 14, this would mean that the fertile window lasts between Cycle Days 9-15.
as per above 01 may is ovaluation.
28-2 is best day for sex
but 28,29 goes vain in bleeding
Last time she had an period at March 31st.she taken bath on 10 th.
This time she had an period at April 22 nd.she will take bath on 30 th onwards
Am following last two months also.
As per above ,Cycle was 23 days. Bleeding period was 9-11 days,Lets say Average 10 days.(Last 3 mponths I followed)
Last time we had an sex after 10-20 (8 days) and no pregnancy.
When I checked in net,we had sex after ovalution and fertile period.
Her ovalution and fertile period was 7-10 april as per Application /net.she saying there is bleeding.
This time also I searched a lot in internet and installed android application too,
This shows 28-01 was ovalution and fertility period.
She was ready from 30 th onwards.
[Please tell me the date which is high chance of pregnancy
kindly advice
i didnt understand your point
i almost sacrificed everything for her.
my parents itself not speaking to me since i didnt any complaint abt her.
they understand some pblm going on.
i acnt intercourse like this.
both have to enjoyit right????
waht am doing is just like rape/prostitutuion .NOt look like husband /wife relationship
everyday am gifting her
sudden XXXXXXX
evn though everday am kissing her on forehjead and chick
she never feel anything
just like idol she s standing
The fertile window begins five days prior to ovulation, and ends the day after an egg is released. Supposing a perfectly regular 28-day menstrual cycle with ovulation at Day 14, this would mean that the fertile window lasts between Cycle Days 9-15.
as per above 01 may is ovaluation.
28-2 is best day for sex
but 28,29 goes vain in bleeding
Last time she had an period at March 31st.she taken bath on 10 th.
This time she had an period at April 22 nd.she will take bath on 30 th onwards
Am following last two months also.
As per above ,Cycle was 23 days. Bleeding period was 9-11 days,Lets say Average 10 days.(Last 3 mponths I followed)
Last time we had an sex after 10-20 (8 days) and no pregnancy.
When I checked in net,we had sex after ovalution and fertile period.
Her ovalution and fertile period was 7-10 april as per Application /net.she saying there is bleeding.
This time also I searched a lot in internet and installed android application too,
This shows 28-01 was ovalution and fertility period.
She was ready from 30 th onwards.
[Please tell me the date which is high chance of pregnancy
kindly advice
Brief Answer:
30th April to 3rd May- high chances of preganancy
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
I am really sorry for delayed response due to some unavoidable work.
I wanted to say that if you want to scarify wish of romantic married life and you can accept your wife whatever she is at present (not taking interest in sex as you want), you can move ahead in life with her and for having child.
Fertile period (window) is +/- 2 days of ovulation. In 28 days cycle the best fertile period is 12th to 16th day of menstruation.
In your wife case 23 days cycle and bleeding for 9 days is not normal. I recommend consulting gynecologist for check-up. With this cycle possibility of anemia (low haemoglobin) is there. So before conceiving she should take care of her nutrition. If gynecologist recommends that she is fit for pregnancy, then only go for it otherwise makes her healthy first with proper diet and supplements. Healthy mother produces healthy child.
In 23 days cycle her ovulation should be around 10 th day of menstruation. Her last menstrual period is on 22nd April. So you should have successful intercourse between 30th April to 3rd May to have chances of pregnancy.
I request you to go for check up of her first to prevent any complication.
You are welcome to clear your doubts.
30th April to 3rd May- high chances of preganancy
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
I am really sorry for delayed response due to some unavoidable work.
I wanted to say that if you want to scarify wish of romantic married life and you can accept your wife whatever she is at present (not taking interest in sex as you want), you can move ahead in life with her and for having child.
Fertile period (window) is +/- 2 days of ovulation. In 28 days cycle the best fertile period is 12th to 16th day of menstruation.
In your wife case 23 days cycle and bleeding for 9 days is not normal. I recommend consulting gynecologist for check-up. With this cycle possibility of anemia (low haemoglobin) is there. So before conceiving she should take care of her nutrition. If gynecologist recommends that she is fit for pregnancy, then only go for it otherwise makes her healthy first with proper diet and supplements. Healthy mother produces healthy child.
In 23 days cycle her ovulation should be around 10 th day of menstruation. Her last menstrual period is on 22nd April. So you should have successful intercourse between 30th April to 3rd May to have chances of pregnancy.
I request you to go for check up of her first to prevent any complication.
You are welcome to clear your doubts.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Thx for ur timely response
Brief Answer:
welcome and all the best
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
You are welcome and wish you good health and marital life.
If still any query there, I will be happy to answer if not, you can close the discussion and if feasible give your feedback and rating so I can improve my service.
In future if you wish you can contact me directly with following link:
http://bit.ly/drchintansolanki
by clicking on 'Ask me a question' on same page with three follow up questions.
All the best and take care.
welcome and all the best
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
You are welcome and wish you good health and marital life.
If still any query there, I will be happy to answer if not, you can close the discussion and if feasible give your feedback and rating so I can improve my service.
In future if you wish you can contact me directly with following link:
http://bit.ly/drchintansolanki
by clicking on 'Ask me a question' on same page with three follow up questions.
All the best and take care.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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