Question: Dr Seikhoo bishnoi please. i am feeling anxious and very sad again. i might be able to find a job but might not as jobs are hard to get here and especially because I am in my sixties. I lie around alone almost evertday and all I do is think about XXXXXXX I saw the job developer today and have a fingerprint card but have to have a new one sent to me. Meanwhile I cry and feel sad about XXXXXXX I dont know why he thinks I would ever hurt him or stalk him..all I ever did was love him and now he is paranoid or afraid of me. forgetting him is proving to be impossible.

I feel so sad that I will never see XXXXXXX again. It makes me feel too sad to do anything. I'm not suicidal but I am struggling to feel like doing anything. XXXXXXX is going somewhere else on Friday nights and I don't want to go to the temple without him. We used to go to movies together but can't afford that anymore so I am not seeing him much anymore. I was too sad to enjoy XXXXX visit tonight. I've given up feeling happy anymore. Its just not possible. I don't understand how a man who was deeply in love with me could think I was stalking him. That means XXXXXXX doesn't and never will love me again. I just don't care about anything even though we got the ticket money back. I need more money than that to go to Israel but am so despondent I am finding it hard to even try anymore....I might be able to get a job but am so sad I am finding it hard to do anything even peer counseling...getting any other job is not possible here as there aren't many or any jobs I qualify for except peer counseling...

I do talk with XXXX and she is good to pray with too..we are trying to jump start our relationship..she has ptsd too and it gets hard sometimes but we are working at it. I wish that XXXXXXX was with me....he still believes that God will heal XXXXXXX and bring him back as does XXXX..today was a pretty good day.I woke up at 4AM and couldn't get back to sleep so I took my gaba pentin all at once which seems to help with sleep too...and another zanax...i don't have many zanax left...I wish that I didn't get so jittery around people.. XXXXXXX and I went to a movie too tonight and it was good. I will probably close out soon because I am so tired...thanks for always being there...I hope i have more better days soon....knowing that XXXXXXX is still very ill is sad but it helps me to think about life without him now..before I always had some hope that once the injunction was over he would want to talk with me but no he thinks I am a stalker... XXXXXXX said he thinks most people are stalkers which is why he plays music so loud and chases people out of his store....how is he supposed to make money like that? Two years ago I told him by email that blocking his store email was going to just destroy his business...now it is too late...in less than a year his store will close down..and there won't be any way of getting hold of him anymore...