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I Am Facing Problem While Dealing With My Wife (46yrs)

Posted on Wed, 24 Jul 2019

Question: I am facing problem while dealing with my wife (46yrs) on day to day basis. We both stay at our home. We have maid too for household works. Some times she behaves and behaves well but other time mostly doubting me and commenting me. She is educated and a home maker. we have two kids and both are almost settled. Though I stay home after office ( at Sr.Management post) hours, helps in all household works, cook food and spend time with her, even though she always doubts me. We don't have any social life. In social life she doubts if any attraction may happen to me with opposite partner. While in ladies group if she interact then after reaching home start analyzing their conservation and target me as if I have affairs with them.

She is beautiful, do take care of family very well. But over possessive and torturing me with words as if I have affairs, she thinks as all my words ( any word) hurts her, all my deeds not acceptable for her. She responds to all her doubts either in midnight by waking me up or when I am at office by messages.

Any negative happens means she analyse as someone planned and something is done by from somewhere. She even not allow me to look at/talk to any ladies. ( even not allow me to sit with my daughter, smile or chat).

She has grownup in middle class environment where she found lot of suppression and also found polygamy in her relatives.

I have given full freedom to her and she has her own group of friends on line.

I am working in an organisation and we are all staying at a company gated community/township.

Please help me how to deal and any medicine or any thing I need to do....

Answered by Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi (3 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Please provide me more details.

Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for using ask a doctor service

I can understand your concern. Her ideas are fixed on one thing only. These are thoughts related to fidelity. Since she is functioning normally in almost all other domains of life, like taking care of children, talking with others and also in managing home, but at the same time she shows weird behaviour when it comes to you. This could be due to some psychotic issue and should be evaluated in detail.

This might be part of some personality issue or due to delusion of infidelity. Though I am not saying she has this problem, but on the basis of history you provided it seems that she has delusional beliefs about fidelity of you and this is resulting in over possessiveness, overanalysing the behaviour etc.

She should be shown to a psychiatrist and detailed evaluation should be done.

Does she show any behaviour like doubting that others are talking about her?

Or ideas that people are against her and are conspiring against her?

Any complaints about hearing voices which other can't hear?

Any other thing you want to mention?

Please provide details in follow up.

Thanks

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Yogesh D

Follow up: Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi (17 hours later)

Over possessive is clear and know to us and I had already mentioned.

Does she show any behavior like doubting that others are talking about her? NO

Or ideas that people are against her and are conspiring against her? YES

Any complaints about hearing voices which other can't hear? NO

Any other thing you want to mention? I HAVE SHOWN HER 24 YEARS BACK TO PSYCHIATRIST DURING OUR EARLY MARRIAGE DAYS, HE GAVE SOME MEDICINE. LATER ALSO SHE THOUGH CONTROLLED BUT EVERY SO OFTEN DOUBTS AS ABOVE.

JUST NOW I WANT TO GIVE SOME MEDICINE IF POSSIBLE BY WHICH SHE MAY BECOME NORMAL AGAIN.

AFTER FIGHTING WITH WORDS AND BLAMING HUSBAND, ALL BECAUSE OF HER HUSBAND SHE IS FACING PROBLEMS ( NO SUCH PROBLEM THOUGH) SHE IS REPENTING MARRIAGE ETC., LATER NEXT DAY SHE BEHAVES NORMAL..

THIS TYPE OF UP AND DOWN NATURE IS VERY IRRITATING AND WHAT TO TALK TO HER AND WHAT NOT TO TALK TO HER IS BIG ISSUE FOR ME.

MOST OF HER RELATIVES ARE JEALOUS OF HER DUE TO HER HAPPY/PROSPEROUS/WELL BRINGING UP OF CHILDREN ETC., ALL FRIENDS AND RELATIVES WON'T GIVE TIME TO HER AND THEIR WORDS IF ANY SHE ANALYSE AND THINK AS THEY ARE TALKING AGAINST HER.

DURING CONSERVATION SHE NEVER OPPOSE ANY WORD, SHE ENJOYS THAT TIME. LATER SHE STARTS ANALYZING AND THEN START COMMENTING ME AS I HAVE DONE ALL MISCHIEF ETC.,

FINALLY I WANT TO GET SOLUTION THATS WHY I HIRED YOUR SERVICES.

Answered by Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi (23 hours later)

Brief Answer:
This could be ideas of jealousy.

Detailed Answer:
Hello again,

I am sorry for replying late as I was travelling.

She is not showing any other abnormal behaviour other than doubting on you. This could be ideas of jealousy. Such kind of symptoms are seen more in males but yes, females also sometimes suffer from such symptoms.

First thing in her management is to make her agree to visit a psychiatrist. If she gets agree to visit a psychiatrist then detailed evaluation can be done. This will rule out any personality issue and psychotic issue and will make in making diagnosis of delusion of jealousy or ideas of jealousy.

Such symptoms have little response to psychotherapy because most of patients drop out of therapy. Medicines like Olanzapine or Quetiapine or Risperidone etc can be used in her case. This will help in making her calm and she will come out of the abnormal ideas.

So right now first thing is to talk with her and check if she accepts that she has problem. If she understands that she is wrong then she can become agree to visit a psychiatrist.

Thanks.

Please don't hesitate to ask again for more doubts.

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vaishalee Punj