Question: Hello doctor, I am a man, the classmate I refer to in this question is woman.

54 years ago in the 8th grade a classmate and I fell in love. By the time we started 10th grade, we were planning college and marriage. Then my parents moved me 300 miles away. We wrote letters back and forth for awhile, but after a couple of months, I didn't get anymore letters from her. I did call her about 30 years ago, and she said that she was now married, and that after I had left, she had fallen in with a bad crowd, gotten pregnant, had to quit school, and married the child's father. They were divorced 8-10 years later. At the time I called her, she was 10 years into her second marriage, so I never tried to contact her again until recently after learning that her husband of 37 years had died. I got a response from one of her sons that she had said that she didn't really remember any of the identifying comments that I had sent about us, and that I must have been just a puppy love. She has MS, though I don't know how bad it's advanced, other than that she can no longer drive.

So, my question is assuming she believes she's telling the truth, and not spinning some story for some personal reason, what could have happened to her that she would suppress almost all memory of me? Could the trauma of our separation have been so great for her that her only way to cope was to just forget me? The time I called, she seemed to remember, but was a bit distant with me, which I figured was the discomfort of talking to me as she was now happily married. I should mention that we were sexual partners during much of our relationship. She was very much loved by the other kids our age at school, and the ones I've spoken to about her have verified that I haven't somehow made up this relationship. We were very open about being together.

I'm not trying to force myself on her. It just feels like something very wrong has happened to her, and I'd like to know what that was. Other than something about our relationship that she feels she has to hide, or some trauma or illness that has selectively degraded or blocked most of her memory about "us", I can't come up with anything. Your response, whatever it is, is unlikely to make any difference to anyone but me at this point, as I don't want to add to the bad that has happened to her in her life.

Hello doctor, I am a man, the classmate I refer to in this question is woman.

54 years ago in the 8th grade a classmate and I fell in love. By the time we started 10th grade, we were planning college and marriage. Then my parents moved me 300 miles away. We wrote letters back and forth for awhile, but after a couple of months, I didn't get anymore letters from her. I did call her about 30 years ago, and she said that she was now married, and that after I had left, she had fallen in with a bad crowd, gotten pregnant, had to quit school, and married the child's father. They were divorced 8-10 years later. At the time I called her, she was 10 years into her second marriage, so I never tried to contact her again until recently after learning that her husband of 37 years had died. I got a response from one of her sons that she had said that she didn't really remember any of the identifying comments that I had sent about us, and that I must have been just a puppy love. She has MS, though I don't know how bad it's advanced, other than that she can no longer drive.

So, my question is assuming she believes she's telling the truth, and not spinning some story for some personal reason, what could have happened to her that she would suppress almost all memory of me? Could the trauma of our separation have been so great for her that her only way to cope was to just forget me? The time I called, she seemed to remember, but was a bit distant with me, which I figured was the discomfort of talking to me as she was now happily married. I should mention that we were sexual partners during much of our relationship. She was very much loved by the other kids our age at school, and the ones I've spoken to about her have verified that I haven't somehow made up this relationship. We were very open about being together.

I'm not trying to force myself on her. It just feels like something very wrong has happened to her, and I'd like to know what that was. Other than something about our relationship that she feels she has to hide, or some trauma or illness that has selectively degraded or blocked most of her memory about "us", I can't come up with anything. Your response, whatever it is, is unlikely to make any difference to anyone but me at this point, as I don't want to add to the bad that has happened to her in her life.

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking for. So, let's try this:

It has been almost 2 months since her husband died. And supposedly she's still grieving deeply for him. That's a long time for someone to still be this traumatized over a loss of a loved one. If she went through this when I was taken away at age 15, then that may explain what happened to her memory about me, i.e. that those memories hurt her too much, so she just walled them off.

I just remembered that when I spoke to her 30 years ago, she still seemed to remember me. At least she said something like "After you left, I started running with a bad crowd, got pregnant, and had to quit school." But, she was a bit detached, almost like this was stuff she didn't remember well or that she didn't remember me very well. I put that up to discomfort about talking to an old lover while she was married to someone who treated her really well. Now this is based on a 30 year old memory, but it's all I have and it's a pretty clear memory.

Every one at school that I've spoken to, even down two grades, remembered how close we were. So, it's just very odd that she doesn't remember.

If you want to know some things about our relationship. We were planning on college and marriage before I left. During our relationship, we were petting sexually very heavily on the back seat of the school bus every day on the way home. The other kids sat up front to give us space. I was supposed to meet her at a friend's house once whose parents were going to be away for the night. Unfortunately, I fell asleep and didn't go. She called me over one afternoon and said her parents were gone and I should come over. When I got there, she was naked and took me to her room and lay down on the bed. Then she panicked and told me she thought her parents were going to come home early and made me leave. So, I guess she lost her nerve for some reason. We did have a very brief intercourse on night. We had planned on going to a place away from the others at the 8th grade graduation, but I chickened out. Her mom finally accepted our relationship in the last year, and in the summer took us to plays, concerts, and ballets. Once on the way home, I had to change a flat tire in the rain. I had been putting my hand under her clothes but I didn't have clean hands. She told me she could always wash her under clothes without her mom seeing them, so it was OK. We were separated in the one class we shared because we wouldn't keep our hands off of each other.

So, as you can see, this was a very close relationship, not just the usual kids puppy love thing. If this isn't want you wanted to know, please be a bit more specific. I haven't actually seen her in 52 years, so I don't know much about her current medical condition except that I was told she had MS and could no longer drive. Her kids insisted she was still lucid and were very protective of her regarding me, because she said she didn't remember me and didn't want to hear from me again.

I'm not sure I understand what you're asking for. So, let's try this:

It has been almost 2 months since her husband died. And supposedly she's still grieving deeply for him. That's a long time for someone to still be this traumatized over a loss of a loved one. If she went through this when I was taken away at age 15, then that may explain what happened to her memory about me, i.e. that those memories hurt her too much, so she just walled them off.

I just remembered that when I spoke to her 30 years ago, she still seemed to remember me. At least she said something like "After you left, I started running with a bad crowd, got pregnant, and had to quit school." But, she was a bit detached, almost like this was stuff she didn't remember well or that she didn't remember me very well. I put that up to discomfort about talking to an old lover while she was married to someone who treated her really well. Now this is based on a 30 year old memory, but it's all I have and it's a pretty clear memory.

Every one at school that I've spoken to, even down two grades, remembered how close we were. So, it's just very odd that she doesn't remember.

If you want to know some things about our relationship. We were planning on college and marriage before I left. During our relationship, we were petting sexually very heavily on the back seat of the school bus every day on the way home. The other kids sat up front to give us space. I was supposed to meet her at a friend's house once whose parents were going to be away for the night. Unfortunately, I fell asleep and didn't go. She called me over one afternoon and said her parents were gone and I should come over. When I got there, she was naked and took me to her room and lay down on the bed. Then she panicked and told me she thought her parents were going to come home early and made me leave. So, I guess she lost her nerve for some reason. We did have a very brief intercourse on night. We had planned on going to a place away from the others at the 8th grade graduation, but I chickened out. Her mom finally accepted our relationship in the last year, and in the summer took us to plays, concerts, and ballets. Once on the way home, I had to change a flat tire in the rain. I had been putting my hand under her clothes but I didn't have clean hands. She told me she could always wash her under clothes without her mom seeing them, so it was OK. We were separated in the one class we shared because we wouldn't keep our hands off of each other.

So, as you can see, this was a very close relationship, not just the usual kids puppy love thing. If this isn't want you wanted to know, please be a bit more specific. I haven't actually seen her in 52 years, so I don't know much about her current medical condition except that I was told she had MS and could no longer drive. Her kids insisted she was still lucid and were very protective of her regarding me, because she said she didn't remember me and didn't want to hear from me again.

One more thing that's probably important for you to know. She became the director of human resources at a mid-sized corporation after she met the husband that died. For a girl who had had to quit school and get a GED, that's quite an accomplishment. I think she's functionally normal, she has just forgotten about me in particular.

One more thing that's probably important for you to know. She became the director of human resources at a mid-sized corporation after she met the husband that died. For a girl who had had to quit school and get a GED, that's quite an accomplishment. I think she's functionally normal, she has just forgotten about me in particular.