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Having insecure feeling due to past relationship problem. What can be done?

Dec 2012
User rating for this question
Very Good
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2012
Answered : 1694 Questions
Hello Dr.

I happen to have a jealousy/insecurity problem due to my past relationship cheating on me.
My 5 year relationship is really being affected by it for if any women are around i always try finding ways to see if he or she are flirting and if i can find some signs of flirtation between the 2. Later when we get home we have a fight in which i started .. this jealousy is really damaging our relationship please help
Thank you doctor and look forward in hearing from you
Posted Sun, 20 Oct 2013 in Mental Health
Answered by Dr. Nsah Bernard 1 hour later
Brief Answer:
Jealousy is often natural

Detailed Answer:

Thanks for posting your query,
I am pleased to be able to assist you.

Jealousy is usually normal in a relationship but it can at times get out of control and cause serious problems between a couple and the truth is, it is a situation that should involve both couples before things can be normal.
I understand that since you decide to post to ask for support, it is because you wish to overcome this and it is a good step to start.
You should know that, you can overcome this and this will require a lot of commitment from your part.
Jealousy is a natural emotion but it can be painful and difficult to control, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to an existing connection.
A small amount of jealousy can be good. For example, if it’s mild and well-managed it can help a couple to appreciate each other and add to the passion of a relationship. However, extreme jealousy can destroy relationships and damage your health.
If you really think that your jealousy is interfering with your relationship, then it will be wise for you to get help from a therapist or counselor. Don't feel embarrassed about seeking help. It's healthy to deal with intense emotions.

What can help with overcoming jealousy?

There are some practical and positive things that you can do to overcome your jealousy. But if your jealousy is not improving or is out of control, ask your GP to refer you to a counsellor or therapist. The following advice should be considered:
- Talk to your partner about your feelings without blaming them. Let them know what makes you feel worried and jealous. Prepare what you want to say, and talk to your partner in a non-threatening, neutral atmosphere. “For example, arrange to XXXXXXX in a café or restaurant. You’ll be more likely to stay calm.
- Just because you feel there is a threat, it doesn’t mean that it's genuine. Try to view the situation objectively.
- Uncertainty is a part of relationships. You can't ultimately control someone’s feelings.

A counsellor can help you to resolve your feelings of jealousy. They will help you look at the cause of your jealousy and deal with it on a day-to-day basis.

Hope this helps you and wish you the best

Dr. Nsah
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
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