Question: My wife has anger control issues and in last 6 months gets physically violent, throwing things hitting others or hurting self, threatning to commit suicide. She promises not to repeat but now repeats the same almost once or twice a month. If she is told a different view point not agreeable, it results in such behaviour and blames others for instigating. What should we do?

1. Have you noticed the same all through your married life or has it just been a few days or months that she is behaving this way? Yes, it has been present all through married life but earlier it was once in few months or a year, there were some incidents early during our marriage where she was not treated well by my parents when I was not present. However, from past 10 years we have been staying as nuclear family - myself, my wife and daughter. However, any incident which she does not like - she always links it to again to that incident 10 years back. I have been supportive towards her during that incident and from there on and stood by her. I feel that it was an arguement between my wife and my parents - I dont know who was correct or wrong, but whatever my parents behaved was not right. However, when I see from their perspective, they were going through hell and hence had asked not to make a scene at home in my absence and leave. She considers that - she was thrown out of home which is sheer exaggeration and she likes to play victim to that incident, even now after 10 years - anytime when she is confronted with something which she has done is not appropriate, she always links back to such incidents in the past. My parents dont stay with us anytime after our marriage after that incident. However, when there is any fight between us - she always blames them, or me but never accepts her unreasonable behavior. 2. Does she herself want to change her behaviour? Yes, she wants to change. Repents what she does - however, overall she likes all attention, likes to be praised, but the moment she is told something which she does not like - she cannot accept any feedback about herself. She keeps accusing me and imagines lot of things that how she has been a victim all through. She has made sacrifices in life in her career for our family I have been very successful, I love her very much and convey all the things to her. However, if our 10 years of married life has been great 95%, she does not remember or cherish those moments - she likes to play victim and always feels that 5% negative or bad memories are all that she keeps remembering and blames me day in and out for everything bad that she feels is happening to her. I have been trying to make her happy by all means - in the last 1 year she has been making more statements - "its MY Life, MY time, I will do what I want" and its not "we, our family". The main problem is - just to keep her happy - both me and my daughter accept and apologize not to flare up things. However, she accuses or imagines and blames us for so many things. She is very violent, hits us if she doesnt agree to what I am saying, sometimes when I have not been well - she has not spared me, threatned to kill herself with knife. Rolls on the floor and there is froth in her mouth when she is angry. All this happens in front of my daughter and she keeps running between both of us trying to help. She will shout and bang doors, throw anything which is on her hands. However, if I try to protect myself and pin her down, she cries please call police = this man will kill me!!! The violence has increased considerably - we cannot have any discussion where there are points of debate. It's her way or "I will leave your house, I will end relationship, I will kill myself or I will hurt myself". From there on we accept and it ends. All the above behavior is only with me/daughter and at home. Outside she is a very nice person, cool with friends, only enjoys shopping, earlier she was conservative, now she suddenly wants to wear short skirts, sometimes when I object that a dress in not appropriate - there is a huge scene. Just to keep her happy, I hesitantly have agreed to her late night parties with her friends, every week there is some party, summary - she needs constant fun, enjoyment and do whatever she wants. Anytime I ask her for her time with family - she thinks that i control her life, treat her like maid!!! She is on Whatsapp for hours together being housewife - but thinks that I should cut down my phone time. She feels I am jealous of her...I have done everything I could to keep her happy. Summary - if anything is objected or told to her - dont spend so much time on whatsapp, dont wear these kind of dress - may not be safe, she reacts violently point blank, or starts crying, or I cannot take it anymore, I will kill myself 3. Are her reactions same with other members also or is it only with you that she behaves this way? It's only with me and on some odd occasions with my daughter, rarely with her parents. She is very nice when you communicate good, nice things about her. The moment you convey anything which she cannot accept - there cannot be a mature discussion without fight, violence etc, However she expects all of us to sit and hear her story of how she has been a victim at home, office when she worked or anywhere she did not get attention, credit.