Question: My son's wife has BPD is bi-polar and has PTSD , is pregnant with their second child and they are currently going through a custody battle for her two children ages 7 and five from her first marriage which they started before she became pregnant this time. She cannot currently take any medications because of her pregnancy. My son is working full time, going to school full time preparing to take the MCAT test for medical school. Her mood swings are devastating, destroying any kind of peace in their lives and she blames my son for any and all problems which arise. So far he has been steadfastly supporting her, encouraging her to visit with her therapist and has found a BPD specialist for her, however the situation is taking a major toll on his health, grades and determination to remain with her saying "Everyone has their limits." Currently she is refusing to go to her therapy appointments and is asking him to leave. Obviously this is their problem and decision but my problem is that he and I are very close, he calls me for comfort, not guidance, and I would like your opinion as to what I might say to him as it seems to me that he is coming to the end of his tolerance for her behavior and she has no regard for his support of her, or any other aspect of his life or future efforts in their behalf. They have had a very tumultuous four years of marriage, she has tried to commit suicide on three different occasions, and they were not aware of her diagnosis until her last hospitalization a year ago. She is definitely much more stable when she is on her meds and knowing that my son is trying to hold on till after this pregnancy (the baby is due mid August) but today is so devastated. Her ex has similar problems with his mental health, believe it or not, and my son feels obligated to take care of those two children for their own welfare. I feel he is trying to do the impossible and as a mother am in anguish and at a loss to what I might say to him. He has dropped out of school once before when she had to be hospitalized and cannot allow that to happen again if he is to complete his life long goals. Do you have any suggestions? I realize you are not a psychiatrist and this is not a medical question but may have had some experience with similar situations. XXXX

Thankyou so much for that answer. It is very helpful. I told my son what you said and he is open to that suggestion and was grateful for your input. I would like to think about a couple of other questions maybe before I close the discussion. Thankyou again, XXXX

Hello again Dr. XXXXXXX Quick question: how can my son keep the peace in his home in the interim, while looking for help for himself, when his wife is constantly arguing, belittling him and promoting ill feelings. I really don't think she can help herself and doesn't want to accept his overtures of compassion and understanding. She is not now willing to go to her therapy sessions and it seems as though there is not anything he can do to diffuse her anger. I fear she is becoming more suicidal by the day. Her baby is not due till the middle of August and that's a long time to go without her medications. I thought I was allowed another question so have been looking for your answer from last night. If that was too complex or not even answerable then I apologize. Thankyou for your consideration. XXXX