Dear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. Basic things first. We all come across so many experiences about our life. Some less and some more traumatic. We experience in different ways according to circumstances and age and development. Trauma and emotions about bereavement of a loved one may not be the same for a 5 yr old, 10 yr old, 15, 25, 35, 45 etc etc. The difference in emotional attributes are called development. Secondly we gain positive lessons from these experiences. So far so good. The emotions run high when we are at the middle age. Because we think that we are matured. Actually we are not. We can t even understand ourselves. At your age, we start seeing things happened earlier critically. Unfortunately, we all see negative things and batter over them. Just go back. Count every positive things happened in your life from age 1. You will be amazed to see, those events shall be at least 100ws of pages. Instead of using these, we start lamenting handful of negative experiences. Funny, huh.. Take my word for it. You are 52. Enough is enough. Understand whatever happened was for your benefit. Everything benefited you positively. Live life today. Forget yesterday and tomorrow. Please post a direct question to me in this website. Make sure that you include every minute details possible. I shall prescribe some psychotherapy techniques which should help you cure your condition further. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.