Dear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. You definitely are suffering from schizophrenia with suicidal ideation, if the description given you is true. Your version is not acceptably because CBT is a proven way in the cure of so many mental problems. You seems to be taken things very lightly and did not pursue the treatment pattern. There are so many factors in the treatment. Determining the depth and breadth of the problem and proper diagnosis is the key. Then your psychiatrist, who know you better than anyone here, prescribes your medicines. If one medicine does not suit you, please make your psychiatrist aware and he shall prescribe another one. Self diagnosis and medication is dangerous. We, here cannot prescribe any medications just based on the information provided by your here. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.