Hi, I have been suffering from internal struggles for close to five years now. I haven t told my parents anything, so I am not sure if I am suffering from depression or anything else. Five years ago I was sexually harassed by my older brother, and I was so confused I kept it a secret and began to watch adult videos. Since then I had a harder time trusting in people, and I also had one friend at that time use me. Four years later I finally broke down from hiding my feelings and secrets from people, so I ended up telling my friend. She accepted me and I told my other friends, but later on she had problems too and took her anger out on me. She said things like she wanted me dead and cussed me 8ut a lot, so I cried and broke under the pressure. I ve had a hard time believing anything people say, even close friends, and I constantly feel I am a disgusting, horrible, and trashy scum of a person. I have felt that if I were to die no one would be sad and they d be happy, and after I lost a loved one I wished I could switch places with them. I have had suicidal thoughts and whemever I had a lot of anger built up I silenced it by hurting myself, for example digging my nails into my skin. Ontop of all this my mind is now kind of split in two and at some points I am a normal person but then I ll switch to being extremely mad, hateful, suicidal, and depressed. When I became ike this I usually have to hae a friend calm me down. Also, I feel tired all the time, and I never really slept right, I d stayup all night and sleep for maybe a couple hours the next night. My eating habits weren t good either, and sometimes I would throw all of my food away. I feel a lot of the times that I have no happy future and happiness isn t real. I hate myself, and can t trust people. Many nights I had to either shut down my mind or cry until I was tpo emotionally and physically tired. Also, my brother got a girlfriend, and I have thoughts a lot about how I hate that he is happy while I m suffering. I haven t told my parents yet because I don t want to hurt them but I m also scared. I have had dreams of them disowning me and hating me. I ve dealt with all of this since five years ago, and I am a teenager currently. Am I depressed? Do I need to seek help?