I can understand your pain. Depression is not simply a state of ‘mood’. It becomes a part of life of the depressed person. The continuous mental pain seriously influences the quality of life and you may feel that life is really not worth living. But depression is an illness and it is treatable. It is prudent to make the best of your existence in this lifetime itself; there are no second chances. You need to get back to your treating professional and have yourself assessed in depth. Maybe this is a hormonal influence, possibly there is some life event that is irking you or something in your environment that is not to your liking. There is always hope and scope for betterment. Medication and psychotherapeutic techniques can help you perceive the beauty of life; to ensure that it becomes socially, emotionally and economically more meaningful. Do not refrain from seeking help. A good psychiatrist and therapist can help you through the process with different psychotherapy modalities. Please feel free to reach out anytime for further help.