Dear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. I appreciate your belief and faith. That is what every person should have. The problem is your understanding of faith and god. Who is god? Is he your friend or enemy? If he is your enemy why should you worship him? If he is your friend, why do you fear him? We fear enemies and demons. Friend is supposed to help you even if you make mistakes. If god cannot forgive you for your mistakes, how can you worship him? How god can be called god? Ask yourself these questions. You should get the answer for your queries. Still, if you want more clarifications and treatment, please post a direct question to me in this website. Make sure that you include every minute details possible. I shall prescribe some psychotherapy techniques which should help you cure your condition. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.