I have been in a serious relationship for 11 months with a 36 year old guy (I'm 30). We have never had very fun or passionate sex from the beginning. He hardly has a sex drive and is happy having sex about only four times per month or possibly less. Additionally, I have expressed my need for more and he always makes up excuses for the lack of it happening in our relationship. Often the excuses have to do with me at times going to bed in too many clothes, or that at times I am dry, or that he is always tired when we go to bed, etc... Furthermore, he has a hard time spontaneously getting an erection without physical stimulation to his penis (even when we are naked in shower together, or making out, etc) and often he has a difficult time keeping an erection during intercourse and requires jacking off intermittently in between. He blames me for causing his dysfunction to happen when I am on top, and says I am "bending it backward" when I try to sit up straight (perpendicular to him) during sex, and I can see that it is painful at times in this position. The shape of his penis is curved so I'm not sure if that has something to do with this problem? Anyway, I am very sexually frustrated and any time I attempt to talk to him he gets defensive, etc.
The last relationship I was in for three years was with a guy the same age (36) that was very energetic sexually and was always hard, horny, and we had amazing sex often. Can someone explain what may be the problem with him or if anyone has had a similar issue? I have asked that we go to a sex therapist a couple months ago and he led me to believe he was open to the idea, but now says he is not because he states we should be able to resolve any issues ourselves. Also once when I suggested trying viagra he flipped out and said he does not have erectile dysfunction..