Hello and thanks for writing in. I understand that you are going through a very distressing time. From your description of your problem, it appears that you could be suffering from a severe depression. Since you are feeling suicidal, it is very important to seek urgent professional help. Please inform a close relative or friend about your problem and ask them to take you to a psychiatrist immediately. You can also called your local suicide helpline and ask for professional help and guidance. Depression is a treatable illness and with a combination of antidepressant medication and counselling, you should be able to come out of this phase soon. So, please don t hesitate to seek help immediately. Best wishes.