Hi 2 years ago at age 53 I was thrown against a wall while elevated by the mans arms; following within one month I had a home invasion where I was tazed falling to the ground on top my front door laying on the floor. hands restrained behind me I was pulled on my left side on the ground over two door thresholds over cement repeated severe rough handling while my head was was pushed down on top a metal sewer cover over and over. Now I have permanent ringing in my left ear. Yes I was screaming for dear life. I was covered only by a small white robe. And a bunch or blood. At OHSU I was diagnosed before that with major TBI 2 herniated disk in neck intercranial carotid artery blockage due to blunt force from the man who threw me up against a wall. No alcohol or drugs or argument involved, I just did not want to sleep with the man. I have never been the same. I can not stand noise light social situations I wake up everyday almost unable to move due to pain. Now my feet toes and lower legs hurt and my toes become so swollen it hurts to walk. Never had I had any type of physical injury in my life. I was considerably active hiking biking swimming water skiing you name it I did it. I loved the release from stress and the natural euphoria that follows exercise. Now, I can barely walk more than an 1 hour unless I have been given a 5 mg vicodin and a bezo from a friend. The Doctors at OHSU pain clinic do not prescribe pain meds. So now I sip wine all day. I know this sounds crazy but its all true. I can not concentrate or finish reading one book. Barnes & Noble and the public library use to be my 2 favorite places besides a great hiking trail near water or playing tennis with my son. None I have done in two years. I am becoming more depressed and hopeless. I have had quick flashes of suicide although I do not believe in it. I wait until night to go outside when everyone is in bed or busy. I know I will never be normal ever again. I also know there are way worse diseases and terrible things that happen to people. I can not even talk about it anymore to anyone. Its as if my body immediately feels everything I was feeling then and I become emotionally upset inside. And then I look at the blank face of a Doctor who listens then, moves on to other subjects so I can get the hell out of his or her office. Yes I know your all overworked and underpaid and manipulated by whomever owns you, drug companies, the Gov t and of course that beautiful Insurance industry. Now I am on Medicare so of course, you all know where that is....bottom feeders. I don t know what to do anymore. I had to resign from a 23 year career as a Flight Attendant. My last trip I was body and boogie board surfing in Maui.....o well Thanks