HI,
I actually have been trying a lot lately to find a way to deal with what i think is depression... but boyt finding a way is even more depressing... First of all my problem is, i came to India and suffered a lot during my college days, trying to adjust and cope and deal withall sort of people.. But whatever i went through, i never let any1, expecially my parents know that i was suffering and had any problem.. even after getting a really good job and being at a very sucessfull position, i still am waiting for that reward from my parents, like just a little appreciation.. But its always been about my sister.. She is older to me, but graduated after me, for she chose the wrong subjects... She is still unemployed, and she is really over weight... As for me, i have tried to give my parents the least of trouble, always tried be th best daughter they could have, and i can handle everything on my own.. while ultimately made them give up on me, for they always keep telling me, am strong and can handle anything.. But come on, i had to do it, as no one else bothered... I know my parents love us both, but i started developping a kind of deep anger for years now against my family,and since i can't see them unhappy, i never talked about how i feel to them, and thats really eating me inside.. and lately after i told them i met a guy, they were xcited, and were all in a hurry to get my wedding shopping done, and when my Mom came down to India, to meet my boyfriend and his family, she couldn't stand it that my boyfriend and even his family love me a lot, and she'll hell bent on that those people are just showing off.... and she just is not bothered about them at all.. and she ultimately insulted my would be in laws with her attitudes etc, and me too.. And she the least bothered of what i feel... now am stuck in between two families- one who is waiting for me, and genuinely love me, and my own parents who is so much taking me for granted and are with the opinion that i will leave my BF, as she disapprove, for i always listened and did evrythg they told me..... i dnt feel like talking to my family whenver they call me, and i drown myself at work.. i hardly sleep, my eating habit is totally bizarre, i smtime don't eat for a whole 24hr.. I have no clue how i am supposed to deal with any of this.. my skin has gone from bad to worse, i smoke like a chimney now... My bf dn't want to talk abt it, for he felt insulted by my family, but he is still with me... my family dnt ask what will make me happy.. when i told them i got a marriage proposal, first thing they could ask me was:"what does ur sis feel abt it?". Like at that time i should care what she feel.... they have always been like ohhh poor lil thing, for my sis... and for me, its like she is very wise and capable and the boy of the family... But actually all this is really bothering me, and i have no clue what i am suppose to do.. do i go for therapy or take anti-depressant or what??


From what i have wrote above, which is actually barely half of what i am really going through, for i am not very good at expressing my feelings.. i have never been actually... And to top the whole thing, am barely 23yrs old, and i already feel like am 50, and i so do not have interest in physical intimacy, for quite some time now.. for i have so many other stuff chewing me inside.... so do u advise??