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Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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Should i consider settling down with a married man?

I am 32 years old lady having a girl child of 9 years. I m legally divorced 7 years ago. Since the last 10 months I am in love with a man 13 years older than me who is my colleague and whom I known since I joined the company.
I never thought to be re-settle with anybody due to my past bitterness of marriage I have suffered. But the truth is that I am in Love and now want to settle with him.
He is a nice person and kind to me & my child since beginning.
Three months ago suddenly he confessed in front of me that he is also facing the marriage trouble and now wants divorce from her current wife and want to re-settle with me. He has 2 children with him and his wife left him one year ago.
I supported him emotionally during his bad faces as a good friend always.
He also confessed in front of me that he was in a relationship with one of our colleague for the last 3 years and their relationship crossed all the boundaries including physical relationship. That woman still working with us and since the day I came to know this I just hate both of them. He always trying to convince me that he is out but because of that woman who is of same age group and having children also (2 children, one of 21 year old boy and other 15 year old girl) still in his life and working with us.
He told me that during his bad faces (marriage trouble) he was trapped by this woman. Though I have seen him always happy with her. He used to pick and drop her to office. They partied late, shopping, having lunch dinner together. He always supported her financially, socially. As she lived lonely he used sleep with her also. Though the fact was visible to each one in the office but nobody want to interfere in their life.
Now as the man has proposed me, I totally shocked and confuse. I lost all my trust on him suddenly. I was in shock since then I came to know the truth of him, he told to me that he was always in love with me but he was got trapped by this woman in between. The woman used him to fulfill her need. Now he wants to get rid of that woman and want my support in this.
My problem is that I m in dilemma that I am seeing him and her both in their comfort zone. As what they have done is totally hidden. But now if I settle with him everybody will curse me and will put the blame on me for his broken marriage as I was known to him and everybody as a single mother.

That lady always pretend to be an ideal married woman in front of everyone still though the truth is totally opposite.
My problem is that I m not able to understand that How can I be responsible of his broken marriage.
His family and his children won’t be accepting me ever.
As they also have an idea that due to what reason his marriage is in trouble.
I don’t want to became the reason of anyone’s sadness.
The woman is still there in his life and blackmailing him. What should I do plz help me. Shall I belief this man or not?????????????? Should I help him or not???
Can I think of this man as my partner of life?

Delhi (India)
Tue, 18 Mar 2014
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OBGYN 's  Response
Hi Rashi,     
Thank you for choosing Healthcaremagic. I have analyzed your query and I can understand your concerns. As the person is already with MULTIPLE SEXUAL PARTNERS you need to take a wise decision, you need COUNSELING for the same. I personally feel you should think a lot before you take any decision, sometimes it could again lead to separation, what I suggest you is also get in touch with some good MARRIAGE COUNCELLORS who couls help you further. Also if you are depressed kindly meet a PSYCHOLOGIST for any help..
Please ask if you have more questions. If you are satisfied, please make sure that your ACCEPT my answer so that I receive credit. Good luck!!

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