Hi, I went through your query and can understand what you must be going through. Depression is a very distressing disorder and the fact that you are contemplating ending your life indicates that it is severe enough. You should initiate treatment for depression without any delay. You can consult a psychiatrist for the same. Treatment with anti-depressant drugs like venlafaxine or escitalopram would be effective. You should also discuss your problems with your family members or someone close to you. It will make your feel better an relaxed. Exercising daily also helps in relaxing oneself. I do hope that I was able to help you with your query. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Dr. Sunil Gupta