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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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How To Deal With External Love Relationship While Already In A Relationship?

My boyfriend s friend made a move on me. I told him I love my boyfriend and this wasn t right at all. He told me not to tell my boyfriend. Should I tell my boyfriend? I don t want my boyfriend mad at me for not telling him but I don t want to ruin his friendship either. My boyfriend doesn t trust many people and I feel if I don t tell him he will feel betrayed.
Mon, 5 Mar 2018
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General & Family Physician 's  Response
Hello,

Short answer: It depends.

Detailed answer: It is obvious that the situation is complicated and it is causing you a lot of stress.

To my opinion, your choice will depend on what the other guy will do in the future:
1) If he continues to make moves on you, and you don't want that, then you have to tell your boyfriend, in order to be fair with him
2) If he stops teasing you, than the situation is resolved.

Therefore, everything depends on what you really want: if you somehow like the other guy's attention on you then this complicates it all. If no, then the answer is clear and you will choose either option 1 or option 2, depending on what the friend of your boyfriend will do next.

We have been told to always be frank with our lovers, but sometimes telling the truth is not the best option. In this case, if the other guy stops then you don't have to share what happened with your boyfriend, in order for him to preserve his friendship with his friend. In this case you are not telling the truth, but you are neither lying.

On the other hand, the friend of your boyfriend is breaching friendship boundaries and he seems not to care too much about this. So, if he continues and you don't want it, then you have to tell the truth to your boyfriend because the other guy is not caring much about the friendship with your boyfriend (not being loyal to their friendship) and your boyfriend has the right to know what type of friend he has.

Hope I have answered your query. Let me know if I can assist you further.

Regards,
Dr. Ervin Toçi
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General & Family Physician Dr. Olgeta Xhufka 's  Response
Hello,

I think you should tell him. He deserves to know the truth about what he considers friend.

Hope I have answered your query. Let me know if I can assist you further.

Regards,
Dr. Olgeta Xhufka
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How To Deal With External Love Relationship While Already In A Relationship?

Hello, Short answer: It depends. Detailed answer: It is obvious that the situation is complicated and it is causing you a lot of stress. To my opinion, your choice will depend on what the other guy will do in the future: 1) If he continues to make moves on you, and you don t want that, then you have to tell your boyfriend, in order to be fair with him 2) If he stops teasing you, than the situation is resolved. Therefore, everything depends on what you really want: if you somehow like the other guy s attention on you then this complicates it all. If no, then the answer is clear and you will choose either option 1 or option 2, depending on what the friend of your boyfriend will do next. We have been told to always be frank with our lovers, but sometimes telling the truth is not the best option. In this case, if the other guy stops then you don t have to share what happened with your boyfriend, in order for him to preserve his friendship with his friend. In this case you are not telling the truth, but you are neither lying. On the other hand, the friend of your boyfriend is breaching friendship boundaries and he seems not to care too much about this. So, if he continues and you don t want it, then you have to tell the truth to your boyfriend because the other guy is not caring much about the friendship with your boyfriend (not being loyal to their friendship) and your boyfriend has the right to know what type of friend he has. Hope I have answered your query. Let me know if I can assist you further. Regards, Dr. Ervin Toçi