I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder borderline personality disorder major depression and severe anxiety disorder but I haven t been to the doctors in almost a year and it seems like I m spiraling down and can t bring myself to go to the doctors but my episodes I ve gotten worse and it s affecting my family I don t know what to do I can t seem to even leave my house without panic attacks but I fear of an accident happening or anything when I m taking my daughter to school and back home and taking her to work and I m constantly on edge and aggravated with people around me but there is times when I get hyper and I talk fast and people can t understand what I m trying to say I guess I skipped word they said but most people think I m on drugs and that makes me even more insecure makes me not even want to go out in public I just don t want to do something stupid cuz that s where I feel like it s headed like I m a blackout I already had small blackouts but I m afraid of having one big one my husband constantly begs me to get to a doctor because it is I guess I think that they re all all plotting not against me but they re all into it together of hiding something from me and that I hear them having conversations in the Next Room about hiding something from me and then later I find out it wasn t what I heard because I set up tape recorders and cameras and they all feel violated and they re all help