Hi, I'm lost. I'm 47 years old and I can barely walk anymore. Up until 2015, I could still do cartwheels ( i was a gymnast for nearly 20 years) go grocery shopping, walk around stores,go to movies, etc. Now, one day of going to one appointment and going to a grocery store, within 2 hours, I'm shaking, dripping with sweat and if I don't sit asap, I feel like I'm going to collapse. I've been begging for help and nothing. I became a kidney patient in 2013, diagnosed with stage 1 kidney failure, acute loin pain hematuria, retroperitaneal fibrosis. My life was hell being married from 1989 to 2000 to an abusive man, I raised 3 kids pretty much alone, 2 of which have autism. I had to go back and live with my mother who hates me, made sure I knew she never wanted me, and me being me, I won't hit a parent back, even when she tried to push me down stairs, kicking me all over, stomping my head, face, lower back, as I lay on the floor choking on blood. I managed to call 911, the ambulance came and she told me that if I went to the hospital, I would be locked out and my kids would be with her. I denied treatment because I couldn't lose my babies. It doesn't matter, she locked me out in 2015 anyway and told my oldest 2 that I abandoned them, so, I lost them, everything I ever owned, so, it didn't matter anyway. I still have my youngest, most severely autistic son who was also beaten and shaken by his father at age 3. He has seizures, severe behavioral issues and now, he was placed at Eagleton school in 2013, and the school was raided in 2016 for abuse. My son was abused, his arm was broken and tied to his body with a belt for over a week, and it sounds like raped. He is why I'm trying to stay strong. Him and I met a wonderful man in 2015, which my mother couldn't run him off like everyone else in my life so that's what set her off. Without him, I would have been homeless. So, here I am, I've finally found love, someone who loves me and my boy. I waited my whole life for this and now, most days, the pain is so bad, I wish I wouldn't wake up. No, I'm not going to hurt myself, but I just cry all day, stuck in an apartment 99% of the time because the pain is so bad, I don't have it in me. I've been told that I have arthritis in both knees and my lower spine has 3 or 4 disks that are just collapsing. I'm tired. I'm tired of begging for help and then Mass health keeps denying meds. All I'm asking for is help. Just one Dr to care, to help, to give me some treatment, some comfort. I want to enjoy my boy and my fiance. I just want to be happy, but, I just feel like no one cares. I've made appointments and they're two and three months of waiting, only to get to the week of the appointment and the Dr cancels. Then, another 2-3 months pass. In the meantime, I just cry and wait. My primary care Dr tried, in Feb, he tried me on gabbapentin, then they added lyrica. Within 3 weeks, I woke up sick as hell, searing pain in my legs, I looked down and my legs had red hot, huge rolls down my thighs, I couldn't even make it to the bathroom. So, I'm still retaining over 80 lbs from that. No one has answers. I don't eat much so I'm even more lost. I'm just looking for a Dr that takes my insurance and who can help me, who will care, who won't treat me like I'm crazy. I'm tired of begging for help, especially from UMass Worcester. I don't have much money, I get 733 for ssi disability and I have to fight for that. I just want someone to care. All I have is my boy, my fiance, otherwise I'm alone in the world. And, after 44 years of a life of hell, I finally found love and I just want to be able to participate in life, finally. Is there any drs who care? I'm so tired.