Hi, I am completely and utterly hopeless. I am convinced something is seriously wrong with my brain but no one will listen to/ believe me. I don’t know how to describe it. I have always been a quiet, more reserved person, but it’s not that I want to be. Everyday I walk through life feels fuzzy and that I’m spaced out. Every conversation I have or anything I try to learn goes right over my head. I am 18 years old and a senior in high school. It’s like I think differently and struggle with making day to day decisions. I do have a job as a waitress at a retirement home as lead server, but so often I want to cry because I NEVER have anything to say. My brain is so frickin empty. I have looked into it and I have a lot of symptoms of a benign brain tumor. But I can never explain to anyone or have a conversation because my brain doesn’t connect. This whole entire thing doesn’t make sense I know. I’ve become very suicidal since February it’s been up and down. My mom believes it’s hormones because I seem “fine” for two weeks and then depressed for two weeks but seriously there is something wrong and I am so frustrated. Everyone has memories or thoughts about me but it’s like all my thoughts are slurred and I can’t frickin think or process things. It blows my mind how people ALWAYS have something to say or know. I have nothing in my head and in school I’m always so lost and lost in conversation too. I go to a therapist and have been for months but it doesn’t really help because I still feel the same all the time. Confused and thoughtless. And I’m sure you’ll say “you can’t be thoughtless” well you don’t understand. I just had an appointment with a gynecologist last week because my mom believes it could be prementrual dysphoric disorder or something like that so now I’m on birth control and if that doesn’t help then I’ll be going on antidepressants soon but I know it’s not going to help. I literally get migraines every single day and my parents say it’s because I need more water or crap like that. I drink a LOT of water and I try to sleep well. My relationships are diminishing because suddenly I’m aware of how dumb I am and stop talking to people. Everyone thinks I’m a quiet genius or something but IM NOT. I can’t take care of myself and I forget everything immediately. I want an MRI or something but I know they’re so expensive