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Have anger management issues. How to help him?

What can I do to calm my boyfriend who has anger management issues? When driving, he screams at people who drive too slow, complains about the bad traffic, picks fights with waiters who try to overcharge him (causing me a lot of embarassment) and cusses all sorts of vulgarities. He says that when he gets angry it is mainly because of people who have bad ethics , otherwise he would have no reason to get so angry. My boyfriend is not a regular bully, he is a highly-educated professional who just has problems controlling his anger. However, he should take a good look at himself when he is angry. His face is beetroot red and his eyes dart around and he screams as loud as a volcano erupting. He won t let the matter rest until I talk him out slowly. When I am out with him, he gets jealous and glares menacingly at any men who looks my way for more than a second. I will tell him to stop but he continues. Only when I threaten to walk away will he stop his nonsense. But of course, a few days later, his bad attitude and anger management issues start again. I have known him for 5 months. He likes being by himself, doesn t have too many friends and spends most of his time working and working on his doctorate. He plays squash (which many think of as a violent game) and is an otherwise active and healthy 39 year old (I am 24). He has not been verbally abusive towards me, but I fear that it is a matter of when. Why is he like that? What can I do to help him and myself?
Asked On : Wed, 23 Jan 2013
Answers:  2 Views:  22
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Psychiatrist 's  Response
Hello and welcome to Healthcare Magic. Thanks for your query.

If your boyfriend's anger irritability and poor frustration tolerance has been of recent onset, then underlying psychological problems like stress, anxiety or depression have to be considered.

If they have been long-standing, without any other psychological problems, then they are more likely to be part of his personality.

If you feel that his anger problem is prominent and causing inter-personal or social difficulties, I would advise you to ask him to get professional help. There are various good psychological therapies and counselling techniques which can help with such problems. Also practicing relaxation techniques, learning stress-management and coping skills will also be beneficial.

Wish you all the best.

Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar
Consultant Psychiatrist
Answered: Thu, 24 Jan 2013
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Psychiatrist Dr. Gourav Monga's  Response

welcome to health care magic

I understand your concern for your boy friend.
There could be following possibilities in this case-
1) Anxiety disorder like OCD
2) Personality disorder like Antisocial/Paranoid
3) Any internal conflict which is coming out in form of aggression.

There could be other possibilities too but that can be told after detailed evaluation by a psychiatrist.
However, try to make him relax with relaxation exercises like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation technique, yoga etc. He may also need psychotherapy/ counselling sessions.

Good Luck
Answered: Thu, 24 Jan 2013
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