Hi i have been looking online for a solution or an answer to my questions i never really been gd at going to doctors so dont go there when im ill just stay at home. Well im 22 years old now i had a preaty horrible childhood until the age of 7 with an abusive father and i was fine then when i got to 13 years old everyone in my family would put me down say im gonna be just like him then i started acting out in school and got in trouble alot mixed in with worng crowd then got bullied at school and got abuse at home evverywhere i turned people would put me down and hey i dont mind thats its life but they put me down to the extent where when i was 15 i wanted to just die and did try to kill myself and ever since i was 15 right upto now i have times when i will be happy one minute and then all of a sudden will cry for no reason at all cause inside im hurting and then i try to lsten to music but that makes it worse sometimes the only think that takes my bad thoughts away is to close eyes lie down and for a second as stupid as it sounds i see myself saving someones life the hero honestly its affecting my life and my working life cause one second i up the next im down again i dont want to get up in the morning i just dont see the point i dont see my friends i have no social life and thats not cause i sit down all day its because i feel to low to go out sometime i ask myself do i really have a ppurpose to be here am i being punished for something i did i dont know maybe im being stupid with these feelings but i just want a bit of professional advice cause i just cant go on like this i thought it would go away as i got older but it just gets worse and harder every day thanks in advance sorry about my grammar i was never really big on english