Welcome to health care magic!
I have gone through your question, from it few things are apparent- you have hopelessness and now started having worthlessness too. You think that your symptoms resemble
borderline personality disorder (but you have not mentioned any other symptom resembling borderline personality).
However, what ever be your diagnosis, (as these symptoms can be present in several psychiatric disorders), one thing is certain that you do need help.
Had I been at your place, I would first visit a
psychiatrist and discuss my problem in detail, let her make a correct diagnosis. After that the doctor may prescribe you some medication along with counseling sessions.
I can assure you that you should not worry anymore as you have taken a right step in discussing your problem. Accepting ones problem is the first important step in treatment.
Hope the answer helps you.
feel free to ask more questions.
Dr. Manisha Gopal.