Hi, I m just in need of some moral support, as I am not in a situation to get it elsewhere. My mental health isn t good and I am feeling completely depressed and very irritable, I m also being anti social. I am visiting family right now. For 9 years my father has been remarried and has another child, and has raised 4 other step children. I ve had to watch my mother struggle to raise me on her own with no financial support from him, and he s had little part of my life apart from random visits, I ve suffered childhood anxiety that carried on into adulthood because of my absent father. Now at 20 I still feel obliged to travel 2 hours by plane + 2 hours by car to get here to see them and act like family and keep a connection, I don t want to have this responsibility. I am struggling to maintain my composure this time around as I have gone through illness and injury last year, and had a very hard year overall and am just starting to get back into a good frame of mind to continue my studies in 2 weeks time. I am feeling extremely trapped in this environment, witnessing my step siblings hugging my father and watching him behave fatherly towards them, fathering his 4 year old daughter, and dealing with his wife who is a demanding and silently judgemental woman is hard on its own. She has been the brick wall between myself and my father, and continues to disallow any quality time for us. I want to go home, but will need to be here for another week, taking time from my own life and giving it to people who are undeserving and will put me back in the back seat once I leave, and I ll hardly enter their thoughts. After a very hard year, I don t have enough of myself to give to these people, and I just don t feel like I can continue to act friendly and polite to them with so much pain and hurtful history in the back of my mind, It just feels very unfair, and I m feeling very hurt. I can t afford to be slipping back into a depression because I need to be mentally strong to handle a full time work load. Is it wrong of me to be keeping so distanced in how I interact while I am here? And how should I go about keeping my mental health good and not becoming more and more depressed? Thank you for your time.
Asked On : Sat, 14 Jul 2012