I have a disease called depersonalization disorder. I ve been stuck in it for the past year. It means a loss of identity or personality. For me it was induced by reading philosophical books and putting them into practice for a long time, basically saying that You are not your social identity, you are not who you think you are, you are not your mind or your thoughts... Bottom line I need my old self back, the one that I stupidly let go by brainwashing myself and meditating a lot. I try to get my old thinking patterns back, but the new reality I m stuck in keeps crawling back hard and I can t get rid of it. A friend of mine saw a psychiatrist specialized in Depersonalization, he was prescribed a combination of SSRI + Antipsychosis, and is doing somewhat better. I am very scared that the use of strong medications can give me even LESS control over my brain, and I already have very little control. I am also scared of the side effects, especially from CIpralex, which I am considering taking. Do you have any experience with this disease? And what do you advise me, thank you.