Hello. If you are looking for a diagnosis online, you may not get one anywhere. Mental health issues are not diagnosed without clinically evaluating the person. I am not sure if you have consulted a Psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are specifically trained for identifying and diagnosing mental health conditions. Other doctors may not have received the specific training. Having no recall of the events after you go crazy sounds like there is a possibility of seizure manifesting as a behavioral problem. It could also be an episode of psychosis. You have also mentioned that not doing it makes you feel you are laughing at yourself. This may mean you are doing it to avoid the feeling. This can be an obsessive compulsive type disorder, which is primarily an anxiety disorder. These are the few possibilities that I can think of from your description. Please consult a Psychiatrist for a roper diagnosis and treatment advice. Hope this helps. Take care. Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD