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Why would one take undue credit after helping out during certain crisis situations?

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Posted on Tue, 17 May 2016
Question: Yes, I rent space in a man's home with his son. I am a 47 year old woman that takes care of myself. I buy my own groceries, clothes, take care of my bills and my pet while paying for my personal space in the home. I had a financial set back and could not get transportation for work purposes and otherwise. My Landlord/friend purchased a vehicle for me to help me out during this crisis and I do make payments to him for the car. He claims that I do not take care of myself completely and that he takes care of me because he helped me out during this time in my life. For me, it felt wrong when he stated this, as it felt like I was placed in a controlled situation when it was said. Is he "taking care of me" just because he helped a friend and why does his comment feel so wrong?
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Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar (42 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
It is natural because we think differently

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.

I read your query and understand your concerns.

From the available description it appears that the "helper" is making undue comments of help which are out of the context/situation. Unfortunately few people on extending support to someone want to take all possible credit no matter what help they extend. Since you are taking care of all your bills and paying him back for car I feel his claim of supporting you is out of proportion and that is making you angry.

In other words the definition of support/help is different for everyone and the same is applicable for you and the person who helped you. This dissonance in thinking is the reason which makes unpleasant experiences.

I feel it will be appropriate to ignore such comments and make your efforts to manage your transport/finances and everything. This will put you on ease and probably you will not be bombarded with such comments in future.

I hope this helps you.
Thanks and regards.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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Follow up: Dr. Ashok Kumar (14 hours later)
could i receive a follow-up opinion from another female doctor on this topic. Thanks.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar (3 hours later)
Brief Answer:
I understand your preference for female doctor

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for reverting back to me.

The follow up is attended by same person who answers the first query. As this was answered by me (male doctor) it is difficult at my part to transfer the query to some other female doctor.

Unfortunately in your query you did not specify your preference for gender of answering doctor and I thought of answering your query as it was related to my specialty.

If you need to know more or have some other concerns you can post a follow up query back to me.

I will be glad to assist you further.
Thanks and regards.
Dr Ashok Kumar
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Sonia Raina
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Answered by
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Dr. Ashok Kumar

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2000

Answered : 3288 Questions

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Why would one take undue credit after helping out during certain crisis situations?

Brief Answer: It is natural because we think differently Detailed Answer: Hello, Thanks for using Healthcaremagic. I read your query and understand your concerns. From the available description it appears that the "helper" is making undue comments of help which are out of the context/situation. Unfortunately few people on extending support to someone want to take all possible credit no matter what help they extend. Since you are taking care of all your bills and paying him back for car I feel his claim of supporting you is out of proportion and that is making you angry. In other words the definition of support/help is different for everyone and the same is applicable for you and the person who helped you. This dissonance in thinking is the reason which makes unpleasant experiences. I feel it will be appropriate to ignore such comments and make your efforts to manage your transport/finances and everything. This will put you on ease and probably you will not be bombarded with such comments in future. I hope this helps you. Thanks and regards.