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Unsatisfied sex, mood swings. Suggest better sex life.

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Internal Medicine Specialist
Practicing since : 1998
Answered : 1579 Questions
hi doctor, i am married ,its been 6 year now, i am having 1 daughter, my husband is not satisfy with sex life, he asked for sucking penis, i feel disgusted taking in mouth,according to my religious belief its not appropriate,still in order to please him and XXXXXXX his sexual desire i do it by using condom,though i feel i am not doing right,still in order to please i am doing,some days i cant handle it,with kid being demanding and the same time husband too, inspite of diverting my kid attention in watching her cartoon ,sometime its situation ,its really frustrating telling ur husband, bcoz he is not so willing to understand, i also have mood swings,moreover today i just said no for sucking his cock ,he blowed on me , got angry, he said such abusive manner even prostitute also dont say this, by hearing this i asked what do u mean ?he said the way i have told him, i have insulted ,neglected him, i am unable to understand how i can insult him,he has to understand sometime i am not willing to take it.i dislike this act in sex, plz help me.i clarify my stand still he is not willing to understand.
Posted Tue, 17 Apr 2012 in Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Jasvinder Singh 57 minutes later

Thanks for posting your query. I can understand your concern. Some women find oral sex not to their liking and the male partners may not be able to understand it completely. The only way to get out of this situation is by talking to your husband freely when he is in a cheerful mood and explaining him politely about the discomfort you have when you indulge in oral sex. Explain him about your religious beliefs and your responsibility towards the child and house as well.

Another thing that can be tried is indulging in plenty of foreplay before intercourse which excites him more than oral sex. You can also watch some sexual act movies together and then indulge in different positions of intercourse. This will divert his attention from oral intercourse for some time.

Your lack in interest in sex is basically due to the hard work that is involved in rearing the child and taking care of the house. But it is important to rule out medical conditions like anemia, overactive pituitary gland causing hyperprolactinaemia or abnormalities in the production of luteinising hormone (LH). My sincere advice is to consult a gynecologist and get these possibilities ruled out.

Till then eat a healthy nutritious diet and take some iron supplements. Hope this answers your query. If you have additional questions or follow up queries then please do not hesitate in writing to us. I will be happy to answer your queries.

Wishing you good health.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Unsatisfied sex, mood swings. Suggest better sex life. 1 hour later
what emotions do male go through when a female deny oral sex? my husband reacted as being insulted and neglected,inspite of doing more foreplay .... his emotional outburst to this situation and finding fault in me,it makes me feel is it i am ok ,or abnormal reacting this way ,i have been watching ,developing seeing such stuff with him,but i feel less desire to watch porn stuff, i feel waste of ones life watching such stuff,their are better things in life ,worth enjoying and having fun,not merely sex sex life according to me is fine . how can i direct him to better goals in life?i have expalined him about this many times,he says i dont know how to satisfy husband,for him he says thats the most important thing , i am disliking it,and thats me, i change myself till the extend i can .is it the major issue in sex life ? i will consult the gynae too and get my hormones check too.thanks
Answered by Dr. Jasvinder Singh 15 hours later

Thanks for writing back to me. If a male partner is denied oral sex, then he often has emotions of rejection and insult. So your husband must be having these emotions which has compelled him to be bitter towards your emotions.

Watching porn stuff often excites the partners and hence it is not considered a waste. However to guide your partner to better goals of life, you can both have a XXXXXXX talk with each other or if need arises then you can consult a counselor or sex therapist as well. I am sure a counseling with a sex therapist will benefit both of you. Perhaps your husband is not realizing your emotions at the moment but oral sex is not a major issue in sex life. Most partners do not feel comfortable having oral sex. You should deal with this issue with patience and understanding and get an evaluation done both from a sex therapist.

Hope this answers your query. If you have additional questions or follow up queries then please do not hesitate in writing to us.I will be happy to answer your queries.

Wishing you good health.
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