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Twelve year old developed sexual desires after breastfeeding. Should I consult a child psychiatrist?

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Practicing since : 1983
Answered : 1525 Questions
i am 25 yrs old married lady. i am second wife of my husband. he is real estate worker. my husband have a son from his first wife who is now 12 yr old and i have 4 month old baby. My husband always work outside so he comes home once a while and not stay with us all time. one day while i was feeding my baby then my step son came and starting staring at me. Then he asked me to feed him as i was his mom now and never feed him my milk. i didnt understand what to do so i breastfeeded him also. now i breastfed him daily along with my baby. I felt that since I was his mom now so it ok for me to feed him so I allowed him to suck me. Later his demands increased and I sometimes felt that he was getting sexual aroused by me. I asked about this i.e. whether feeding my step son was right or wrong in this site only for which a doctor explained me clearly about the consequence which I may face in future and prove trouble to me and my stepson later. You can see it in my previous question. But by then my step son was attached to my breast feeding that when I rejected to feed him then he started to cry and I couldn't control him. I then informed my husband about it for which he suggested me that it was ok to feed him and I could feed him along with my baby and stop feeding him by slowly decreasing the frequency and completely stopping it within two three months. After sometimes I came to an conclusion that I can't stop him from breast feeding immediately but slowly I need to stop him within two three months like weaning . Now till I wean him I don't want my step son to develop any sexual feeling towards me while breastfeeding. So pls do advice me as to how can I prevent him to develop from sexual feeling. Pls explain in detail and tell me what ask I should do i.e. what should be breastfeeding style etc etc in detail Awaiting your reply Thank you XXXXX
Posted Fri, 17 Jan 2014 in Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 3 hours later
Brief Answer: Sexual Dysfunction Detailed Answer: Hello XXXXXXX Thanks for choosing WWW.WWWW.WW for your health related query. Your step son is 12-13 years of age where he would have started to get massive surges of male sex hormone (Testosterone). This makes him attracted to females physically and desire to have sexual gratification. This is a normal physiological process . When you allowed him to breastfeed, he was aroused and must be sexually excited. if you check on him, he must be getting an erection as well. Now once this has been repeated on several occasions, he is emotionally blackmailing you. Male Children many times try to explore the bodies of their mothers but stop doing it if they are rebuked and firmly stopped. It is good that you have discussed this with your husband. I don't agree with the idea that it has to be weaned away. Children are weaned away from mother's milk to help them develop taste of other semi solid and solid food and to help them get enough calories from food because mother's milk is unable to meet the calorie requirement .so we try to fulfill the need of calories for proper physical growth. but here, the scenario is absolutely different. He is trying to fulfill his sexual needs by sucking your breasts or else blackmailing you . you should handle him with the same firmness and NOT ALLOW TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS/PRIVATE PARTS. You should be extremely careful in feeding your younger son to avoid being detected by the elder one. THIS DILEMMA OF ALLOWING/NOT ALLOWING CAN BE EXTREMELY XXXXXXX . so please stop breastfeeding him immediately and tell in clear terms that he is grown up not needing mother's milk, he can be dissuaded by hinting that his friends will be informed of his need for mama's milk. CHILDREN DON'T LIKE TO BE DERIDED BY THEIR FRIENDS so it may act as a strong deterrant Hope this will be helpful to you. Any more questions will be welcome DR SAATIISH JHUNTRRAA
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Twelve year old developed sexual desires after breastfeeding. Should I consult a child psychiatrist? 2 hours later
Thanks for the reply I know that I did a really mistake before by allowing him to suck my breast. It was my mistake before. Now when I reject feeding him now he cries a lot and cause lot of problems. Seeing this I got afraid so I informed it to my husband about ask this. He tried to convince him that milk was not for him and he is grown up now . But my stepson didn't listen to my husband also. Later my husband only asked me to feed him at night before sleeping and slowly stop feeding within two three months. So I'm feeding him now daily . I know I am doing it wrong but my stepson cries a lot if I reject him and also seeing him doing that my husband also forces me to feed him. So I am left with no other option but to feed him. Now I don't want him to develop sexual feeling towards me. I 'll stop breastfeeding him slowly with the help of my husband but for that I need one month atleast. Till then I don't want my step son to develop any sexual feeding towards me. So pls suggest me some ways by which I can breastfeed him but not allow him getting sexual excited. I even have tried giving him my milk from bottle but it didn't work. I have failed trying all things I know so I am asking you help. Pls suggest me. Suggest me in detail each and every steps ok pls. Waiting for your reply XXXXX
Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 12 hours later
Brief Answer: Sexual dysfunction. Detailed Answer: Hello Thanks for the query. There is no point in having guilt about what you did in the past. I think you should understand and follow the steps as below 1) First and foremost that your stepson has started enjoying sexual gratification by sucking your breast AND HE is not going to leave it easily 2) You even run the risk of a XXXXXXX attack by him , may be some time later, for having full sex 3) So the idea of slow weaning is like giving a green signal for what ever he wants 4) today he is blackmailing you by crying , tomorrow he may adopt some other means The Single and Only way to get out of the mess is an immediate, complete no to any physical contact , even if your husband says to continue because if something goes wrong, you alone might be held responsible. There has to be some deterrent for your son not no repeat his activities. It is not possible by any means that you let him suck your breast and he does not develop sexual feelings. I would say, if this happens, it is highly abnormal so what you are asking is just impossible. Is it possible for a normal man to have foreplay with a female and not develop sexual feelings? The answer is a NO. Please let me know if you need further help. Dr Saatiish Jhuntrraa
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Twelve year old developed sexual desires after breastfeeding. Should I consult a child psychiatrist? 11 hours later
But whenever I stop it refuse to feed him then he makes lots of non sense and I am not able to manage me properly.. Should I consult an child psychiatrist about this? My husband comes home only on Sunday and Saturday so on other days I only should manage him I really don't know what to do. I can't call my mom also as she is diabetic and not on good health. No other family member are free to help me. Sometimes I feel that it is good to feed my step son as he won't trouble me and ignore his sexual feeling. Should I take him to children psychiatrist ?
Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 45 minutes later
Brief Answer: Please learn to say "NO" Detailed Answer: Hello, Thanks for the query. You can take him to a child psychiatrist who may help you in assertiveness training . I don't think there is anything wrong with your step son .He is going through a normal psycho-sexual development phase.. You need to assert yourself with strong will. You must not ignore his sexual feelings . You may ignore them but he is never going to ignore his own sexual feelings. May be you may think of sending him to school hostel but I strongly feel ,you should learn to say ''NO". Hope you will find this helpful DR SAATIISH JHUNTRRAA
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