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Suggest ways to manage and moderate sexual urges and high libido

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Posted on Mon, 30 May 2016
Question: hi,

Am recently had love marriage and we did not had sex before. After marriage, my wife lost sex feelings. my wife vegina is also small and am not able to insert penis completely into it. I had a lot of sexual feelings but since she dont have sex feelings, I lost interest and now my penis is not rising. before marriage I used to do hand job daily. What is the issue and how to resolve this.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Chintan Solanki (1 hour later)
Brief Answer:
couple counseling is needed

Detailed Answer:
Hello,

Thanks for writing to us. I can understand your concern.

I get this type of question frequently from newly married couple. After marriage many couples, like you, suffer from difficulty in sex life. Sometime it will take 2-3 months to reach to normal sex life. Most of them do not have any physical problem. This happens due to fear or anxiety of either of the partner. Treatment is mostly couple counselling about sex.

In your case probably problem lies with your partner. She has lost sex feelings and we need to evaluate that aspect. Your problem of erection is secondary to this and there should not be any physical problem.

Masturbation does not affect sex life rather it helps sex. So no need to worry about your past habit of hand job.

To guide you further I need more information.

- Why your wife lost interest? Please ask her and let me know the details of her problem.

- What is duration of your marriage life and since when are you suffering from this problem? How was previous sex life?

- How did problem started? Any specific incidence was there?

- Do you pay more attention to erection while trying for intercourse or masturbation?

- Do you have any physical illness, specifically diabetes or high blood pressure?

- Is there any history of history of smoking or alcohol?

- Is there any difficulty in urinating?

- How is relationship with your partner? Any emotional or social problem is there?

- Is morning erection present?

- When did you do your last successful sex/masturbation?

I will be happy to help further after getting response.

Regards,

Dr.Chintan Solanki


Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Deepak
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Chintan Solanki (1 hour later)

Hi,

Thanks for responding so quickly. Answers for your questions are

* Not sure why she lost interest in sex. Previously we did not have sex but we have a kind of foreplay where she responded well. After somedays it is gone.

* Marriage happended a month back. From the first night am facing this problem. Now I feel like I lost interest. Even I try am not getting mood and penis is not rising. Even it raises and when joining, am loosing interest may be because of my wife uninterest. I dont know.

* I dont pay more attention to erection while masturbating and erection happens very quickly.

*I dont have any physical illness and very strong

* I do have smoking and boozing but not much. Its like once in a while.

* No difficulty in urinating.
*My relationship with my partner is great. We love each other very very much.
*No morning erection
* 2 days back i masturbated.

Not sure why am also loosing interest on sex. Eventhough I have lot of feelings my penis is not rising. Am not like this before.

Am more worried about this. Kindly answer.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Chintan Solanki (4 hours later)
Brief Answer:
your wife should be treated/counseled

Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXXXX

Thanks for information. You are getting erection quickly as well as you masturbate that means you are physically fine.

You are not aware that why your wife is not interested. And that aspect needs to be evaluated. Your lost interest only because she is not interested and that is the only reason for problem in erection.

Please discuss this issue with her gently.

- Does she have any pain while you enter penis?

- Is her hymen is intact?

- Is she scared about anything?

- Is there any gynaecological problem (menses irregularity, infection)?

Please revert back to me with answers.

If she is not able to talk with you please convince her for going to doctor for counseling.

All the best.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Deepak
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Answered by
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Dr. Chintan Solanki

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2007

Answered : 2406 Questions

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Suggest ways to manage and moderate sexual urges and high libido

Brief Answer: couple counseling is needed Detailed Answer: Hello, Thanks for writing to us. I can understand your concern. I get this type of question frequently from newly married couple. After marriage many couples, like you, suffer from difficulty in sex life. Sometime it will take 2-3 months to reach to normal sex life. Most of them do not have any physical problem. This happens due to fear or anxiety of either of the partner. Treatment is mostly couple counselling about sex. In your case probably problem lies with your partner. She has lost sex feelings and we need to evaluate that aspect. Your problem of erection is secondary to this and there should not be any physical problem. Masturbation does not affect sex life rather it helps sex. So no need to worry about your past habit of hand job. To guide you further I need more information. - Why your wife lost interest? Please ask her and let me know the details of her problem. - What is duration of your marriage life and since when are you suffering from this problem? How was previous sex life? - How did problem started? Any specific incidence was there? - Do you pay more attention to erection while trying for intercourse or masturbation? - Do you have any physical illness, specifically diabetes or high blood pressure? - Is there any history of history of smoking or alcohol? - Is there any difficulty in urinating? - How is relationship with your partner? Any emotional or social problem is there? - Is morning erection present? - When did you do your last successful sex/masturbation? I will be happy to help further after getting response. Regards, Dr.Chintan Solanki