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Suggest ways to deal with problems among siblings

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Posted on Thu, 16 Oct 2014
Question: Hi, . I need your help as i am feeling stuck and really not able to know what to do further. As far as my life and problems are concerned, it is as follows. I was 11 year old when i lost my father. My Mom has brought me and my sibling (elder sister and an elder brother). we were financially very poor at that time. My relatives at the starting helped us but then they started showing the attitude. My mom had suffered alot and faced so many problems for us. When i turned to 14, i came to know the bitter truth about my sister. My sister who was 19 at that time, was having a affair with my cousion's husband. It was really difficult for me to accept. i thought alot but could nt able to say it to mamma as i dnt want her to suffer more. Me and my mom are very close to each other. She loves me the most. That person helped us financially but me and my mom were neveer able to accept him as a person and because of that we started having tensions at home. One day me and my mom discussed about it (When i was 22) and we decided that we will not accept him. There used to be so many problems between my sister and my Mamma. i feel really bad that i could not able to save my mom from the abd words taht my sister used to say in anger. My sisier is very short tempored and after that incident i could not able to have a friendly relation with her as i always keep o thinking that she is lying. 2 yeras before we came to know that my mom is suffering from cancer and i lost her last year which has shattered me completely. The clashes between my Mom and my sister din't stop and it continued till we lose her. But my sister is the one who stays with my Mom at home as me and my borther are working. That person helped us very much at that time.i am full of guilt that i was not able to do anything for my Mom and could nt give her a healthy and happy life. Today, the problem is my sister wants me and my brother to get married and she wants us to settle down to abroad with her. But me and my brother are not able to accept this relationship and not able to get what should we do. We know she is our sister and she wants good for us but her relationship with that person is intolerable for us. We tried to tell her but she never listens to aynything and says what we are doing is right. i dnt knw i feel like if i tried to accept this relationship then might be i will hurt my Mom very much. I have no confidence left in me. I am completely broken. i want my sister to live happily. But we dont knw how we (me and my borther) will be able to adjust with both of them in one house. I am relly not able to understand whether i should just break all my relation with my sister or i should just accept it and leave it all on destiny. Please help. i really dnt wanna my mother upset with me. I miss her alot and could nt accept till now that she is no more. i keep on crying as of helplessnes..i hope i am able to understand you my problem.Please help. please i feel like i have done injustice to my mom as i could nt able to take a stand for her and becoz of which she died. i have started hating everyone.
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Answered by Dr. Vishal Garala (1 hour later)
Brief Answer:
Interpersonal psychotherapy is necessary.

Detailed Answer:
Hi dear

I appreciate that in spite of such emotional distress you are giving such brief idea of emotional and relationship dispute.

I had gone through your query.

I'm glad you are mature enough that you are thinking and caring for your elder sister and brother.

I know that your sister's behavior is not socially acceptable and this distresses you. You should not feel guilty for her behavior as you are not responsible for what is happening.

She is independent and i think she knows what she is doing and she is also concerned about her future. i appreciate that you want a stable relationship between both of you but it is only happens if you accept what is present and care about future.

Though it is very difficult to accept it but are their any other way.
Yes there are,
But for which you need proper interpersonal relationship psychotherapy in which participation of both of you and your sister is must.

But she has a relationship since long and it is also difficult for her also.

to maintain as whole unit you have to compromised certain thing and behavior and do not think that much deeply about her.

Think as a whole unit and about your younger brother also.

sorry for mother's lost. but she was only person to handle this very well but you did not make proper communication in earlier time, if you did then may be today's condition might be different.

You have also require treatment of emotional stress and depressive symptoms .

Best way to consult psychiatrist or interpersonal relationship therapist for further assistance.

I just tell you that do not deeply involve in such relation that may affect your psychological health. your sister is also elder and mature to think all.

So please do consultation and hope you will get best solution about this dispute.
Do not think about your mother as you did earlier then it might be but not now.

Hope for the best.

I hope i have answered your query.
Still have a query then feel free to ask.

Thank you.







Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj
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Follow up: Dr. Vishal Garala (39 minutes later)
So, shall i accept it what is coming in my way as i do not see any other option. and if i cud hv stood for my mom then she would nt have gone..
doctor
Answered by Dr. Vishal Garala (54 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Hi find detail answer below.

Detailed Answer:
Hi
Good to see you again.

Is any other way ??

It has been long dear and you spent a lots of time behind all

Do not make excuse of your mother.
she is elder and if require she has a right to deal her life in her's own way.

You do not require to accept all but just think about what is more suitable for all in this situation.

So if you want seek opinion then consult psychiatrist face to face for better evaluation and better communication.

Thank you.

Always here to help you.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj
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Answered by
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Dr. Vishal Garala

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2009

Answered : 1714 Questions

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Suggest ways to deal with problems among siblings

Brief Answer: Interpersonal psychotherapy is necessary. Detailed Answer: Hi dear I appreciate that in spite of such emotional distress you are giving such brief idea of emotional and relationship dispute. I had gone through your query. I'm glad you are mature enough that you are thinking and caring for your elder sister and brother. I know that your sister's behavior is not socially acceptable and this distresses you. You should not feel guilty for her behavior as you are not responsible for what is happening. She is independent and i think she knows what she is doing and she is also concerned about her future. i appreciate that you want a stable relationship between both of you but it is only happens if you accept what is present and care about future. Though it is very difficult to accept it but are their any other way. Yes there are, But for which you need proper interpersonal relationship psychotherapy in which participation of both of you and your sister is must. But she has a relationship since long and it is also difficult for her also. to maintain as whole unit you have to compromised certain thing and behavior and do not think that much deeply about her. Think as a whole unit and about your younger brother also. sorry for mother's lost. but she was only person to handle this very well but you did not make proper communication in earlier time, if you did then may be today's condition might be different. You have also require treatment of emotional stress and depressive symptoms . Best way to consult psychiatrist or interpersonal relationship therapist for further assistance. I just tell you that do not deeply involve in such relation that may affect your psychological health. your sister is also elder and mature to think all. So please do consultation and hope you will get best solution about this dispute. Do not think about your mother as you did earlier then it might be but not now. Hope for the best. I hope i have answered your query. Still have a query then feel free to ask. Thank you.