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Suggest Ways To Deal With A Broken Relationship

Posted on Thu, 28 Apr 2016

Question: So i have been a business owner and very successful most of my life. I got divorced back when I was forty (57 now) and married to the love of my life 7 years ago. For the past few years following the demise of my company, I have turned into an out of control, control freak. Being mean to her about 1-2 times a month, verbally, and mentally, especially on the bottle. We are now going through some tough times, and she is very scared to move forward with me on the word "I wont do this again". Understandably so, but i just realized that my whole problem has been dealing with the loss of control, and coming to understand that I don't have control of anything. In reasoning with this I have come to conclude that I am facing the proverbial "you want an answer to your problem, look in the mirror" situation. I am bound and determined to CHANGE my ways, for years I acted like this but did not know why, the booze would amplify it as well. My question to you is this, CAN SOMEONE CHANGE IN THIS CAPACITY?

Answered by Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi (32 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
Yes as you have insight so you can change even in this capacity.

Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for asking from HCM for your health related queries

You have turned out of control and are going through the rough times. You have awareness about the problem and have insight that the problem is aggravating because of the out of control thing. In such case with acceptance of problem it is not very difficult to make change in his/her life and in behaviour.

Just introspect yourself and find out the most problematic things that are leading to big problems. Once you separate these things then try to change the problematic areas one by one. Avoid alcohol is possible because alcohol results in impulsive behaviour. If you can describe the problem you are facing, the events that result in out of control things in follow up then that can be used in sorting out the problem?

What kind of symptoms you have at time of "out of control"?

Have you ever talked about your problem?

Thanks, please provide details in follow up. Take care

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi (21 hours later)

I guess I would have to say a nervous kind of explosive behavior. My wife is SO nice, and easy to get along with. I am at a loss as to why I lash out at her in this manner!? It is definitely spurred, and adversely affected by alcohol. I sometimes have found myself being a bit jealous of her attention towards my step daughter. I have always somewhat felt that I don't fit in, that I am just a figure head. That I come in second not matter what. There is a 17 year difference between my wife and my age.

Answered by Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi (7 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Behaviour therapy with anger management can help to control symptoms.

Detailed Answer:
Hello again and thanks for providing details

Sudden lashing out on her with feeling of guilt after that is occurring most likely due to impulsive behaviour. The impulsive behaviour can be controlled but will need a lot of patience. Anger management and behaviour therapy should help in controlling your impulsive behaviour.

Visit a psychologist for proper treatment with behaviour therapy and anger management. If symptoms persist then medicines can also help. Drugs like Sodium Valproate can help in controlling the symptoms. But the drugs will only be needed if you fail to get improvement with behaviour therapy and relaxation exercises.

Thanks, Still have doubts please ask again. Take care

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad