Question: I need an advocate please asap. To make a complaint about social services and to arrange a meeting between me and the gynaecologist: Feel at times if the gynaecologist lied to me, betrayed my trust, treated me like a kid, neglect me when I was down if she was laughing or a nervous laugh. I was also getting mixed messages if she has feelings for me which I didn't mind as I feel the same way. She said she wanted to adopt and look after me not because she is a doctor but because she is a nice person. 3 months later she said you know I want to look after you don't you. I said yes. She said but she can't. I have got a positive book to help me with my self esteem. She written it but not like addressed to me e.g. she put today I saw XXXXXXX in clinic and not saw you in clinic. In the book she put e.g. today she saw me in Clinic (June 2013) I am a lovely girl, I try hard all the time. I smile and that makes her smile, I am an important person and she likes me very much, she wants me to remember how important I am, they are always happy to see me at the hospital and they are never cross or angry with me. She then put a kiss and then Dr XXXXXXX and nurse XXXXXXX Then in September 2013 he put my hair looks ace and although I look very good and very smart I should not loose any more weight. She is not angry with me but I need to understand however much we like each other we are doctor patient not friends outside of clinic not allowed and get the sack. ( When I read this I agree and some people agree with me that it sounds like if she was allowed she would) ( I was also getting mixed messages about this as she said even if I left switched doctors you cant be friends though some professionals disagree and that you can and people have got married and had kids before etc) Then she put she wants me to use my elastic band when I am down and play happy music when I am down and dance. She did not put a kiss then and then I think a signature instead of her name. She stroked my head, (asked me if having a bad time at the moment) she tapped my shoulder (said I was extremely kind when got her Christmas gift and card not last Christmas the one before) she tapped and rubbed my knees legs and thighs. (she said I was a good girl) I DID NOT!!! mind her doing this to me, its just she touched me every time I saw her apart from September when she twanged the elastic band round my wrist. I thought I did something wrong. She called me pet names like em, honey, darling, sweetie. I do not know why but in my appointments there are one or two nurses there. The gynaecologist said oh no you bugger as I was turning down support in fears of getting attached and I have no idea how many people she has tried to contact. I think there was an advocate which they feel I do not need but she does, then I overheard the gynaecologist and the nurses talking something about social at risk, she is deeply concerned about me, ( I and some people agree deeply sounds more personal from the heart) something about budgeting, repeating things, doctor weekly, basic foods, daily support, childlike, difficult challenging etc. Then there was another social worker which I have issues with and the gynaecologist was going to give me a week to contact her and then shell get in touch with them to see if I did it or not and to tell them she thinks I need them.. (This was in September and a few months later the social did not hear from her about it) I asked the gynaecologist what she meant by me being a bugger, she said I am like a naughty kid, to which the nurse replied I am naughty. I do not know if this was a saying as I m 27 years of age. She pointed her hands towards me like a gun as if too shoot me. She said do not tell anybody but when she is down and dance she jumps on the bed (I do not know if this was a joke or not) She said she does not need to read my questions are like a book and asked if I read. (Hear different things about my questions if get done, if fair what would happen etc) She said it frustrates her I can not get much support as I am an adult. She said it bothers her that people can take advantage of me e.g. my memory and my money. She thinks I have got a severe learning difficulty. (not sure because of the memory and money part) The GP thinks I have autistic tendencies but hard to get a diagnosis as I am an adult. She said she can not get emotionally attached or involved with me and she cant be upset if anything happened to me so for example if her work colleague was on a blip machine and it went off she cant be upset as it would affect the treatment though she said I self harmed she would be upset. (I would have thought like some people if she would be upset at that surely shed be upset if I am on a blip machine) She said if I do or don't do something she would smack my bum. She was crying in front of me because e.g. I said I am a good for nothing nobody, I screw things up and I am scum of the earth. I do not know about emotion attachment or involvement but crying has got to be one of them!!!. So I asked her if she is not allowed then why did she cry, she said because she cares about me but not as a friend. (mixed messages) She said I am not allowed to get attached to her and she thinks I am as I have had not much love of people e.g. my family she is kind and she could not give me the love or type of love I want. (Me and some other people agree that she did give me love and not make sense) The social worker said the gynaecologist is worried about me because I am on my own, got no support and she thinks I go to her or only her about my problems. ( I do not understand this as some other people) The GP, social worker and when I had NHS advocate said the gynaecologist does not want contact, gifts, relationship. (Me and some other people agree that this does not make sense as because the things she said and did to me) The GP said something like the gynaecologist I envisaged relationship with as she was kind though if drowned self it would destroy the gynaecologist (I WONT DO ANYTHIING TO MYSELF INTENTIONAL EVER!!!!) I asked GP what destroyed means. She said upset. I said as in sad or angry. She said sad. Some people say being destroyed means so upset you can not cope with everyday life. ( Me and some other people think that is a strong feeling to have over someone) I was getting mixed messages if the gynaecologist thinks I want an operation or not. I do want it doing but I hear different things about the operation and I have lack of knowledge about this. I have also had this cough for 2 years now and been feeling dizzy tired and faint a lot, but back then I was throwing up, loosing my voice and had chest infections. Something about me going round in circles. So if she thinks I don't want the operation got ideas put into my head what were the appointments about then. I am in a lot of pain physically and emotionally.( Cry everyday because of this) Social worker was saying I do not understand consent forms. (I don't but that was not the reason why didn't have the operation for this particular thing though I need to address others as well) I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and the gynaecologist said about depression. I normally would see the gynaecologist every 3 months but a lot of things have happened since then. I could not wait that long and I wanted to speak to the gynaecologist to ask her about how get questions done ( medical and personal she knows and said about etc) and I could not get through and I was worrying so I think I spoke to someone within the NHS (I would not have done if I spoken to the gynaecologist) I asked them how get questions done. I cannot remember what they said. They asked me what else happened in appointments. (I WOULD NOT!!! have told them if they didn't ask me) So I told them what I told you. They said it could be abuse, neglect, inappropriate behaviour to joking sarcasm, if she fancied me if I was in a relationship and if she was being motherly protective of me. Because of that and the overdose (accidental) they alerted the local authorities, which was the social worker I got issues with. They then mentioned about having a strategy and safeguarding meeting which me and the gynaecologist did not go too. They said the only way to stop this from happening is to retract my statement. (I DID NOT!!!! MAKE A STATEMENT!!!) and they went behind my back ad did it anyway even when said they would not do it. They asked me if I was lying, which I was not, they said touching is a serious allegation. (THIS WAS NOT AN ALLEGATION TO ME I DID NOT MIND SOME OF THE THINGS SHE SAID AND DID TO ME!!!) They said things I never said e.g. the gynaecologist smacked my bum. They told me the gynaecologist is upset. (I am not sure type of upset and why / who at) They said wouldn't you be upset if someone complained, reported, made allegations against you. (I DID NOT DO THIS THOUGH!!!!!) I said I was worried that she would hate me, think I am a good for nothing no one and wants me dead. (They said they did not know the answer to that: which fed my fear a bit) I was hearing different things if the safeguarding has been closed or not. I heard it has been closed because no further investigation is required at this time. I got told that I maybe discharged properly or from this persons care because I was getting attached to her. (Which I thought was weird and some other people as saw her before safeguarding and she knew then etc) The gynaecologist said not to do anything to myself or the weekend which I took literal. I felt neglect me when felt that low left me etc. (governs said to ring GP in appointment though she walked away not get involved and if lied whereabouts etc) I have had problems with the governs e.g. say if I don't get things go over self, if gynaecologist wanted to see me earlier and why which I don't know, about not complicate questions if been through before or not if do or not and things like that and I think the gynaecologist said about not repeat etc) The patient services I could hear them talk about me which they denied etc. The patient services told me to write the gynaecologist a card about friendships and future appointments. SO I did that as well as put how it affects my everyday living which she knows about nightmares have about her reject me etc. But also affects sleep, eat, clean, go out , cancel face book etc. I put some people pros or not agree with me that there is something between us whether it be as a mother, sister, friend or more. I also put about social twist things and I want an operation, about minute takers, I did not mean for any of this to happen, wont do anything to myself, shell make my life better. I also put a copy of the General Medical Council (GMC) rules in there and my contact details and some web addresses saying you van date patients, so therefore can be friends etc. I enclosed a Christmas card and flowers chocolates and wine as I got told they would be ok and they would not be a personal gift. So I handed them into reception. A few weeks later I got a phone call from the social manager saying her and the governs was coming to see me about the recent cards and gifts. I was scared about this as I complained about governs and I have never seen her before. They gave me a letter saying thanks for my generosity and hospital doctors are not allowed to receive personal gifts of this nature. (which I thought and others thought was weird because I got told this would be ok) They said it was different before for some reason. The GMC said I need a meeting between me and the gynaecologist to discuss roles e.g. I was friends with her, she may not feel comfy talking about work outside of work and to ring up to prescribe medications etc. ( and I stick up for her, sing her praises, defend her admire, look up to respect etc) So I thought ok I will try and get this meeting arranged. So I paid a counsellor for them to turn round and say they can not help me. They can help you come to terms with things but they can not help you get an operations and for me to see this gynaecologist personally etc. So I got a solicitor involved. I DO NOT WANT SUING OR COMPENSATION!!! I feel she lies to me, says do things and not, stands me up etc. Triage left a message for the gynaecologist to contact me don't want the secretary to (triage suggested the gynaecologist to phone me) she emailed the gynaecologist months ago and I have not heard from her. Hear different things if the chief executive can arrange meetings to resolve or not. The solicitor said things to me about the gynaecologist I never said, so if she would have sent it to them they would think I have been lying about her when have not. The solicitor phoned up the secretary I thought she was going to speak to the gynaecologist or get her information. She did not do that. She phoned the secretary and said I have issues concerns need a meeting, to which they replied to speak to the governs about it. She then spoken to the governs and told me to give her a ring. (Hear different things if I was anonymous or not and if she guessed who I was or not) Chief's office put me through to the medical director and I thought they were going to ring me back but it was not them it was the governs. (I was crying my eyes out as I did not have the strength and energy to deal with her and I was crying throughout the conversation with her as well) Before I tell you what the governs said, some people told me to take no notice of her and the gynaecologist must be attached to me etc. The governs said I may be discharged from her care as I was getting attached to her. I thought weird as I saw before though not seen in 5 months since. I did not say this but I did say I thought the gynaecologist was getting attached to me. The governs said this is not the case. Some doctors are firm and she is friendly and like that with everyone. She said if the gynaecologist knew who all this is affecting me she would be upset and if she knew how close and quickly attached I get to people she would have behaved differently. The same with the allegations which are over and done with now. (THEY ARE NOT ALLEGATIONS!!!!!!) She said the same thing. I asked her why the gynaecologist was crying about me then. The governs said because I was going in there talking about non gynaecological things she was upset by what she heard and wanted to help me out. I asked about the adopting thing. I can not remember what she said but, some people say can be literal or not and could be affectionate kind term or that she wanted me to get help from other services. (Me and other people disagree because if she meant by others she would not have said I want to adopt and look after you she would have said by others if she meant that) The governs said no matter how many times I ring its the same no meeting (I have not rang for ages) Even with the GMC and the solicitor etc on my side she was having none of it. The governs said the gynaecologist is my doctor. (I do not understand as not anymore) She said she was going to make a note of our conversation and she said to see a GP and / or clinical psychologist. ( I do not want e.g. if man, at hospital, attached etc) She said about seeing a different gynaecologist. The solicitor then changed her version of events. First she made it out like she not know about meeting till I told her the next she said the governs guesses who I was and said not prepared to see my professionally not sure personally a doctor patient thing and see someone else. Think known gynaecologist for 2 years though less as normally saw her few times a year. (Me and some other people agree that it must be more than a doctor patient thing because of what she said and did to me) I spoke to the GMC I was crying my eyes out. They understand I do not want to make a complaint as I have a bond and care for this person and I do not want her to get hurt (though all this is hurting me) They said about advocate solicitor get meeting asap etc. They say she overstepped the mark, not know the full story. Someone who works in residential/ community care said it sounds like I have been misled as what has been told and said / done are two different things and that I need a meeting as I have been misunderstood etc. I asked do I sound pathetic that I want the gynaecologist to give me a hug cuddle and kiss and tell me there are no hard feelings. The reply was no not stupid you need clarity and some people say I need to express my feelings etc. They said about get meeting imagine so though mixed messages if they can get meeting, if want to, if be on my own with her or not etc. I wanted to make a complaint about social services and safeguarding as I did not want to happen and feel the social lied to me, don't respect my privacy, accuse me of lying etc. I went on a depression chat site and some people are nice some people are not some people chat you up give emails but some are horrible e.g. when I said I have relationship family issues and bereavement they ask if that's all etc. (I know the gynaecologist said not to cut them out altogether, there scum of earth not me and the only person that hates me is me) Some people agree that there is friendly and then there is friendly about gynaecologists feelings etc. Somebody online said they don't believe me I am English and said I mess with people on there and I am not a real person, who talks like that. I told someone about adopt they said I need help and people who agree with me ii said next you'll be saying the gynaecologist needs help they called me a psycho imbred freak. ( I am not sure what this means but does not sound nice) I said not true and they replied true. Some people agree that she is attached to me and need a meeting with her asap and be beneficial for me to be in her life personally for a lot of reasons and want her there when go about operation as right now I cant go anywhere near there, walk, hair done shop etc and where go now hard enough so need this sorting out pronto. Same if I want to do XXXXXXX work at hospital. NHS 111 some people are not nice. Some people are. They said I need a meeting with the gynaecologist soon (this person) as I am not myself, affecting my life, affecting my health, need to do for the sake of my health, I need to have an input in the decision making as to what I want and what I need. Hear different things if GP / nurse can arrange meeting or not if personal or not. (Though they upset me so try not to see them) Patient services said about GP. Someone online said about getting a psychiatrist not sure CPN etc as this is affecting me a lot and they said if the psychiatrist etc can ring the hospital to speak to this gynaecologist or if she's left work for them to get her contact details and to phone her to get her to see me as I am not coping because she is not with me and because its affecting my life all this etc. I spoken to the Citizen's advice bureau and they could not go into much detail as they are an assessment line. But from what I told them they are on my side and they said it sounds contradictory. They then put them details through to health watch Sheffield. Not sure happen though as last time they put me through to voice ability which I have had bad experience with them and something about advocates to have etc. I know one couldn't help they made not about safeguarding put ideas in head about court restrain orders. Don't think someone told me that before. Hear different things if advocates can arrange meetings or not. Some people online said to write a letter give to advocate myself and gynaecologist etc. Some advocates are on my side but they cant support me as not in my area, and the ones in my area I have had bad experience with. One particular advocate not near me gave me mixed messages something about white black and grey areas. First she said what the gynaecologist said and did to me is something that a doctor would not do, then she said it may be personal to me and strictly professional to her. (That not make any sense) Some help lines are on my side and some are not as nice. I spoken to health watch in Rotherham and in Sheffield. The one in Rotherham are on my side and if want happened to me happened to them they would question the relationship too. Don't think they could help me though as not local to me. Then got told they could only to be then told they cant. I had this friend who works with people with dementia and she says the gynaecologist was being inappropriate and she would make a better friend than a gynaecologist. I tried to get a different social worker but I don't know you may have to be referred by social worker had or GP / Nurse. (Have issues with a lot of them) I spoken to Patient Opinion and they gave me mixed messages as well. I was also getting messages what IAPT workers and counsellors advocates can do etc. People go behind my back contact people say not want contacting even if they said they wont do it. Contacted some psychiatrists but charge a lot which I cant do. I spoken to a psychotherapist for enquiries she was giving me mixed messages as to how the gynaecologist feels towards me but then she said it sounds like a need a mediator. I contacted one but they said we both have to agree and it would charge me and gynaecologist £500 for the day. ( Which I thought I cant do) I am not sure if gynaecologist has heard about the risk topic and I had a form for jobcentre which needed filling her she could do I think and put details for them to contact her, hear different things who can do and lots of questions need to speak to her about. (Got loads at home and she got some and maybe passed to governs which upset about) I thought she took home as a lot and not fair patients and if record do in person and then governs said about send etc which not happy about and don't want to go through governs etc just her. I also need things back to give to gynaecologist and get gifts etc. When I was at college My tutor was worried about me and affected her sleep. I wondered if had same affect gynaecologist and / or if she cried not around etc. I wanted to comfort her. Its anniversary of my dogs death in May round about my birthday and his birthday October and other dogs birthday April etc so hard for me need to be with gynaecologist for better soon, which some people agree with. I also need help changing GP's Please.I also need chaperone my flat when e.g. joiner comes round. It also makes me wonder if the gynaecologist did things for me out of work too e.g. ring places about get help or if did not part of job (not mind if did) Not sure if mentioned want gynaecologist get questions, jobcentre form, cards etc and if said about not understand consent forms who told who what etc and need help to get access to medical files and for gynaecologist to go through meant as well as lot of things etc. I want long meeting with her please preferably own. May have mentioned about my panic, anxiety, panic attacks etc. I spoken to someone I think at carers centre and they said the gynaecologist is probably caring about me as a professional and that she is being gentle and being over gentle and not realised what she has done and not being sensible about it her words etc. She was questioning some professionals judgment e.g. When I told her the GMC, NHS 111, citizens advice bureau, Health watch in Rotherham etc are on my side she was saying they were giving me the wrong advice, that upset me as they must know if ok or not and these people are qualified in this sort of thing and they agree with me etc. She said something about if want to take action against her for misleading me, but some people say that wouldn't be that way in terms of lying to me etc but in terms of she said one thing and did another which the carers centre replied people are like that and people with aspergers autism may take things literal etc but the health watch in Rotherham they don't have autism and yet are on my side though cant help me etc. She also said that when people e.g. touch you on hand get wrong impression hear different things. The carers centre also said that say for example if a dog got run over people would be upset as a sign of empathy, though some people say that a doctor crying is unprofessional and must have some attachment to me and not to listen to people who say otherwise. She may have been shocked as to how much she cares she cares for me and got over initial shock etc maybe. I would really appreciate this if you would keep this between us. I really hope you can help me as this has gone on long enough and NHS 111 etc say strongly need to see this gynaecologist I think. Trying places see help wait to hear from some. Councillor saw once said I need to sort this gynaecological / relationship out first before see councillor again (this particular one) otherwise I’ll be making myself worse so need help fast. Thoughts saw Gynaecologist drive passed me yesterday thought she stared at me but not bipped wave etc thought did something wrong hates me etc. Nurse g1 now said to speak to governs one person etc. I don't want to shes upset me preferably want sorting out directly. Lot of professionals or non are on my side need to see her just some horrid about it. I have some proof councillor said etc that says need to contact gynaecologist told you about and speak to her first got a text and you may be able to phone talk type others too not sure. I don't sleep very well like lot of things think told you about. Need meeting as not self making ne self worse etc been told thanks for this means a lot. This make my birthday to see her though said about anniversary deaths etc so need some good news I am having really bad panic attacks cry etc. Not sure if you could ring gynaecologist at work or get or home number get her to see me like said about been told etc or speak directly other ways etc. Spoke to triage about email said about governs don't want to talk to them they one people ruined my life. Then someone said they would speak to gynaecologist but then said social and to go through hospital GP Then said about governs say go GP etc I said may have another advocate anyway instead. They didn't answer all my questions though Feel messed around people paint me in this bad light sick of it. After last spoke to governs not been out for 2 weeks then did and panicked cry affect living in out home etc. Don't sleep well etc. I don't want her involved like some other people. Some people say to speak to her directly send things etc. Someone said for me to write you me and gynaecologist a letter with my and her version sort of and to print copies and give gynaecologist when see her. Ill show you that and the councillors text and the positive book gynaecologist wrote in etc if you want. Glad can have you on my side etc. Not sure if you want me to email you anymore if forget things etc just scared wont get chance say everything hope so. and glad got you on side be there asap been long time coming finding hard to cope etc When had other advocate they said they would contact gynaecologist, then they said contact social say go through gp hospital. Day after messaged me (today) mot answered all questions they said they spoke to governs said go gp. So hear different things off people They ruined my life some people say try directly etc. Thanks hope you understand God bless you Sorry for long email Enough for you to go on Really hope you can help me Need her with me etc with questions gifts cards etc feel need to be reunited and feel people paint me out like bad person when im not. and need hug cuddle kiss from her tell her not hate me etc. If get gynaecologist to visit me this particular person preferably my home nurse me be there etc Lot of people agree need to see her asap, be beneficial, she's attached etc and ignore told Been 6 months Finding it hard to enjoy life do things etc until this is sorted out This is hurting me. My birthday coming up and more anniversary deaths soon hard enough and spent few Christmas own and want her with her by my side Please say you on my side too. Mean a lot to me Please help I may have forgotten some information but this may be enough for you to go on? Thanks for taking the time to read this email and I apologise its took so long to write it. I look forward to hear from you soon Many thanks XXXXXXX im female, 27 years old God bless you Thank you so much for doing this it means a lot and has been a long time coming. Ive been ringing up places etc waiting to hear from some. I am not sure what you do?

But some people say if left her care it would be fine to pursue friendship etc even some professionals and that I need to see her for reasons said etc Don't get most of your message. Nothing in my life don't enjoy need her some people say she has feelings for me she must do Having to deal with other bad news too. I want to cancel subscription please? thought one off think

No I do not understand any of message. Assume ok now now left care. Thought advocate could help or psychiatrist etc She accepted some gifts just after all this. mean by marriage, live in relationships, casual?

Sorry I cant forget this. I can not go near a hospital till this is sorted out. I need advocate. My councillor said she wont see me until I speak too the gynaecologist because it is making me worse. What do you mean about marriage and misinterpret and my innocence? What do you mean by refrained utter effect? I cant see a new doctor until this is sorted out im too scared. What mean by woven a web recurrent thoughts? thoughts dropped? Breathing techniques not help me Even hobbies don't thanks

I want gynaecologist as a mother, daughter, sister friend or more. I want advocate to get my voice heard and get gynaecologist to see me. Feel been painted in a bad way etc. I wish I remained silent on some things, but I would have suffered more and suffering now. Not sure if inappropriate touching involved but I didn't mind it. She said cant even date patients / friends even if left switch doctors though some people say as long as not in care anymore be ok etc. So you mean if both same e.g. both females be ok to have sexual relationship if opposite sex then its inappropriate and similar sentence indecent doctors part assume you mean not decent touch etc though ok if both same sex? and if friends the same if same sex ok? regards XXXXXXX

Some people say that she must be attached to me because of her actions etc. So your saying that you cant have a sexual relationship whether former patient or not depends and if same sex etc? So you are saying not a problem to be friends with them if left her care switch doctors etc. She must not think allowed and from what told you before because sounds like if allowed she would be. She said not allowed to date patients but I think gmc said you can depends or if its sexual maybe. I assume theres a difference between friends and dating so don't understand what you mean by bleak? like you said friends is different. How can I approach her directly? I don't know what you mean about not see me think of rules? I thought different now as left her care. What do you mean by moreover? I am not sure if she can view my details or not. I am not sure why shes not contacted me for so long. Maybe if cool period, if she is busy, if she thinks you not allowed when are, if people have bad mouthed me etc. I spoke to health watch Sheffield and they said to provide proof in writing that they think need to see this person to resolve could you provide me with this please? Some professionals say I need to see her asap some not so cant be dropped. Affecting me. Lot of questions not being answered since year ago etc and I even paid people to help not do and im on benefits and subjected myself to online abuse and mental rape think somebody called it. Ive given it 100% but I will not relax until sorted out otherwise think badly of me id think she think etc and people put ideas into my head. She only knows answers. What do you mean not to hurt anyone in the process? What do you mean on your experience and hurdles? Mean by drop? confusing me

I don't understand if people have bad mouthed me she wouldn't want to see me therefore not contact me and other reasons said too e.g. busy if she thinks not allowed if cool etc. So you agree showed me love and keep with me. Need to work Is this the proof you sent me or will you ring gynaecologist on my behalf? So agree attached. Affects my eat, sleep, clean, attract flies don't want to go out. Someone mentioned health professional may get her work or home details get her to see me as in bad way. Go on depression chat sites mostly. I need to spend money she means so much shes worth it don't get u mean. I don't work as I suffer depression anxiety I think. Nothing interests me anymore even passions. Glad your my friend hope can rely on you to get me to see her etc. whats botherations? mean leave with you god? Icant relax tll sort outI am not a stalker im crying now I am not a stalker I went gifts think day off there ive not been up hospital for 6 months had hair done up there everything cant do same XXXXXXX work shopping etc. Got email etc not contacted her myself Sick of this

Do you think im ignored? How contact u? Whats resume? Im not allowed to work. Im not doing XXXXXXX anything till spoke gynaecologist Hope got your blessing Don't get misery soft heart? Cant save money im desperate My lifes meaningless Mean by cant ring contact always? If this costs month may cancelled it says here think discussion close couple days though said before Im not best person right now fir people regards

would I need I need to pay to speak to u? Whats an url? Whats biodata? what do u mean I have no choice but to do XXXXXXX work? I wanted to work in a hospital but I wont do until I see this gynaecologist or anything for that better id rather just in side and have done with it I can ruin anymore lives though I feel I have now Its is meaningless I was a mistake I don't belong here No one loves me im just a burden and that's the truth I cant save money I need this sorting out Id rather starve Thasnks

Not sure if I can talk to you soon then as I may not be able to afford it. So biodata is like a cv? No XXXXXXX wont make me feel better at the moment. Especially way I am feeling I will make people worse not better Already done that so I know. What do you mean by distribute time? Sorry cant stop thinking about her even my hobbies don't interest me anymore especially when pe0ple put ideas in to my head that she hates me is mad at me used me for benefits etc. I cant go near a hospital at the moment where been before hard enough. Ive already cancelled some appointments cant face toe world sometimes I am not great im ugly and an under achiever. What mean victim to circumstance? What mean don't need love I am love? What do you mean organisation art of living? What mean platform express self? I tried expressive dance take frustrations out etc not sure much good

assume drop desire if not possible you mean relationship as long as a mother sister friend fine if not more. Cant do XXXXXXX especially hospital till sorted out. Is art of living free?

Well cant do any XXXXXXX at the moment. Cant even have operation,, walk, have hair done shopping there till sort out. What mean not available sister mother do you mean if at work a lot though may be able to be sister mother sometimes and you need less time for friend assume mean? The thing is some medical people say I need to see her though Some people say she loves me but people may scare her e.g. if people ashamed same sex relationships etc. Mean platform? how much?

The gynaecologist gave me mixed messages says want / not actions differ etc. Cant ring secretary bad experience feel people hospital block me Think told you about email triage sent her and solicitor while ago to gynaecologist. Some people say scared. Got written proof like told you what gynaecologist put in my positive book / letters people wrote etc

Don't know how to see secretary normally phone they wont give me time of day same governs etc. I am not sure maybe it is their doing and she wants to see me / scared how close got to me and got told when have feelings for someone normal to ignore someone or may not contact work get trouble and may not have contacted me e.g. busy bad mouth me if thinks complained which havnt etc

I cant I am miserable without her I don't possess her I am happy she loves me and hope continues thanks

I am miserable as not seen this gynaecologist in ages and I need to see her resolve things get questions done get her to see I am nice as people painted me in a bad light etc and on top of that family violent, got had bereavements near birthday too and being mentally raped. I need her only making me worse affect sleep eat clean not go out etc Not sure what you mean by what will she give up when I have her?

That's why trying to see her. I think she can help me in terms of this situation Mean by people same situation? I cant go out sleep terrible, eat little lot not cleaned pots self ages attract flies This is the first step try to see her Potential advocate upset me put ideas in my head about gynaecologist e.g unethical she did if like other patients worries her about exploit me take advantage saw my weakness e.g. learning disabilities depression. I stuck up for her Gynaecologist would be bothered if people took advantage of me to do with my memory and money so don't get it she said about gyni if see me if cant be in appointments etc. Upsets me people treat gyni terribly I cried and shaked when they left

What mean problems are not big I am exaggerating? I take anti depressants got told they supposed to help with sleep / may keep awake. GP gave me them ages ago. She will relieve me of this misery because to do with her. I don't understand its me and mind responsible for my problems not my fault I am in this mess? What mean how can someone else not help me? Trying steps see her etc got lot other worries this will be one

Assume I can meet with her but not obsess you mean not see her everday at least for now and assume you mean people live not live with people love see so ok Whats creation in my mind? mean by sneaky? Its not my fault this happened its people going my back painting me out like I am in the wrong when I didn't do this it was social etc saying not do things and do it anyway bad mouth me hope you don't think im sneaky cos im not im crying now

1) What mean obsess mentally? People are talking about me I know it 2) What do you mean no one has time to talk about me etc? 3) What mean moreover? hope have solution People are responsible and I know I have been bad mouthed.

Im confuses if you think gynaecologist wants to see me and of course I care I care lot lot of unfinished business etc I havnt done what I done to be done nothing about. I care because im upset if gynaecologist thinks ive told on her and I haven't complained reported her or anything and people put ideas into my head. What mean not see me? I care about her a lot. I try do passions not work not till got resolved. I cant go out I try fake smile. The best way stay healthy assume peace of mind you say happy is to know she not hates me etc otherwise think better for everyone

I stepped out of the house 1 week 2 weeks ago and I did online food shopping not go out still not cleaned etc. I don't understand do you think she hates me? Mean by irrespective of bad mouthing? I thought shed hate me if people have said things I not said about her etc

Thing is im scared she thinks done something to her and I have not e.g. with safeguard not my fault Last part hard

What mean ignore kids mistakes completely? Never with mine. I know my family hit me What mean wake up see reality? what mean no reason not think about or or happened?

1) I don't understand what you said about Whatever you said, would not result in negative feelings in her. You know if you think that she is like a mother, then mothers ignore their kids mistakes completely. Sometimes children even humiliate or hit their mother and she does not usually react badly. So wake-up and see the reality. There is no reason to be thinking about her or whatever happened? 2) What mean by battered woman syndrome / not depression? 3) Mean by no spanking no harm no scold? 4) I don't know what you mean by take pillow me ignore? though I am suffering. They been violent to me all my life. Got bullied school / Home. School verbally physical et home same maybe sexual. I had social worker in my mid to late 20s to try find some where to live. 5) Mean by self reliant? I moved out ages ago. They still same and lie etc. Im not sure gynaecologist means by this she said don't cut my family out altogether they are scum of earth not me and the only person hates me is me. Family came to mine unannounced before. 6) Organisation support in what? Spoke to advocate about gynaecologist she really upset me about it / say about her etc Try save money hard. Though not been out ages go online etc XXXXXXX