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Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression

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General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2003
Answered : 1563 Questions
I need an advocate please asap. To make a complaint about social services and to arrange a meeting between me and the gynaecologist: Feel at times if the gynaecologist lied to me, betrayed my trust, treated me like a kid, neglect me when I was down if she was laughing or a nervous laugh. I was also getting mixed messages if she has feelings for me which I didn't mind as I feel the same way. She said she wanted to adopt and look after me not because she is a doctor but because she is a nice person. 3 months later she said you know I want to look after you don't you. I said yes. She said but she can't. I have got a positive book to help me with my self esteem. She written it but not like addressed to me e.g. she put today I saw XXXXXXX in clinic and not saw you in clinic. In the book she put e.g. today she saw me in Clinic (June 2013) I am a lovely girl, I try hard all the time. I smile and that makes her smile, I am an important person and she likes me very much, she wants me to remember how important I am, they are always happy to see me at the hospital and they are never cross or angry with me. She then put a kiss and then Dr XXXXXXX and nurse XXXXXXX Then in September 2013 he put my hair looks ace and although I look very good and very smart I should not loose any more weight. She is not angry with me but I need to understand however much we like each other we are doctor patient not friends outside of clinic not allowed and get the sack. ( When I read this I agree and some people agree with me that it sounds like if she was allowed she would) ( I was also getting mixed messages about this as she said even if I left switched doctors you cant be friends though some professionals disagree and that you can and people have got married and had kids before etc) Then she put she wants me to use my elastic band when I am down and play happy music when I am down and dance. She did not put a kiss then and then I think a signature instead of her name. She stroked my head, (asked me if having a bad time at the moment) she tapped my shoulder (said I was extremely kind when got her Christmas gift and card not last Christmas the one before) she tapped and rubbed my knees legs and thighs. (she said I was a good girl) I DID NOT!!! mind her doing this to me, its just she touched me every time I saw her apart from September when she twanged the elastic band round my wrist. I thought I did something wrong. She called me pet names like em, honey, darling, sweetie. I do not know why but in my appointments there are one or two nurses there. The gynaecologist said oh no you bugger as I was turning down support in fears of getting attached and I have no idea how many people she has tried to contact. I think there was an advocate which they feel I do not need but she does, then I overheard the gynaecologist and the nurses talking something about social at risk, she is deeply concerned about me, ( I and some people agree deeply sounds more personal from the heart) something about budgeting, repeating things, doctor weekly, basic foods, daily support, childlike, difficult challenging etc. Then there was another social worker which I have issues with and the gynaecologist was going to give me a week to contact her and then shell get in touch with them to see if I did it or not and to tell them she thinks I need them.. (This was in September and a few months later the social did not hear from her about it) I asked the gynaecologist what she meant by me being a bugger, she said I am like a naughty kid, to which the nurse replied I am naughty. I do not know if this was a saying as I m 27 years of age. She pointed her hands towards me like a gun as if too shoot me. She said do not tell anybody but when she is down and dance she jumps on the bed (I do not know if this was a joke or not) She said she does not need to read my questions are like a book and asked if I read. (Hear different things about my questions if get done, if fair what would happen etc) She said it frustrates her I can not get much support as I am an adult. She said it bothers her that people can take advantage of me e.g. my memory and my money. She thinks I have got a severe learning difficulty. (not sure because of the memory and money part) The GP thinks I have autistic tendencies but hard to get a diagnosis as I am an adult. She said she can not get emotionally attached or involved with me and she cant be upset if anything happened to me so for example if her work colleague was on a blip machine and it went off she cant be upset as it would affect the treatment though she said I self harmed she would be upset. (I would have thought like some people if she would be upset at that surely shed be upset if I am on a blip machine) She said if I do or don't do something she would smack my bum. She was crying in front of me because e.g. I said I am a good for nothing nobody, I screw things up and I am scum of the earth. I do not know about emotion attachment or involvement but crying has got to be one of them!!!. So I asked her if she is not allowed then why did she cry, she said because she cares about me but not as a friend. (mixed messages) She said I am not allowed to get attached to her and she thinks I am as I have had not much love of people e.g. my family she is kind and she could not give me the love or type of love I want. (Me and some other people agree that she did give me love and not make sense) The social worker said the gynaecologist is worried about me because I am on my own, got no support and she thinks I go to her or only her about my problems. ( I do not understand this as some other people) The GP, social worker and when I had NHS advocate said the gynaecologist does not want contact, gifts, relationship. (Me and some other people agree that this does not make sense as because the things she said and did to me) The GP said something like the gynaecologist I envisaged relationship with as she was kind though if drowned self it would destroy the gynaecologist (I WONT DO ANYTHIING TO MYSELF INTENTIONAL EVER!!!!) I asked GP what destroyed means. She said upset. I said as in sad or angry. She said sad. Some people say being destroyed means so upset you can not cope with everyday life. ( Me and some other people think that is a strong feeling to have over someone) I was getting mixed messages if the gynaecologist thinks I want an operation or not. I do want it doing but I hear different things about the operation and I have lack of knowledge about this. I have also had this cough for 2 years now and been feeling dizzy tired and faint a lot, but back then I was throwing up, loosing my voice and had chest infections. Something about me going round in circles. So if she thinks I don't want the operation got ideas put into my head what were the appointments about then. I am in a lot of pain physically and emotionally.( Cry everyday because of this) Social worker was saying I do not understand consent forms. (I don't but that was not the reason why didn't have the operation for this particular thing though I need to address others as well) I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and the gynaecologist said about depression. I normally would see the gynaecologist every 3 months but a lot of things have happened since then. I could not wait that long and I wanted to speak to the gynaecologist to ask her about how get questions done ( medical and personal she knows and said about etc) and I could not get through and I was worrying so I think I spoke to someone within the NHS (I would not have done if I spoken to the gynaecologist) I asked them how get questions done. I cannot remember what they said. They asked me what else happened in appointments. (I WOULD NOT!!! have told them if they didn't ask me) So I told them what I told you. They said it could be abuse, neglect, inappropriate behaviour to joking sarcasm, if she fancied me if I was in a relationship and if she was being motherly protective of me. Because of that and the overdose (accidental) they alerted the local authorities, which was the social worker I got issues with. They then mentioned about having a strategy and safeguarding meeting which me and the gynaecologist did not go too. They said the only way to stop this from happening is to retract my statement. (I DID NOT!!!! MAKE A STATEMENT!!!) and they went behind my back ad did it anyway even when said they would not do it. They asked me if I was lying, which I was not, they said touching is a serious allegation. (THIS WAS NOT AN ALLEGATION TO ME I DID NOT MIND SOME OF THE THINGS SHE SAID AND DID TO ME!!!) They said things I never said e.g. the gynaecologist smacked my bum. They told me the gynaecologist is upset. (I am not sure type of upset and why / who at) They said wouldn't you be upset if someone complained, reported, made allegations against you. (I DID NOT DO THIS THOUGH!!!!!) I said I was worried that she would hate me, think I am a good for nothing no one and wants me dead. (They said they did not know the answer to that: which fed my fear a bit) I was hearing different things if the safeguarding has been closed or not. I heard it has been closed because no further investigation is required at this time. I got told that I maybe discharged properly or from this persons care because I was getting attached to her. (Which I thought was weird and some other people as saw her before safeguarding and she knew then etc) The gynaecologist said not to do anything to myself or the weekend which I took literal. I felt neglect me when felt that low left me etc. (governs said to ring GP in appointment though she walked away not get involved and if lied whereabouts etc) I have had problems with the governs e.g. say if I don't get things go over self, if gynaecologist wanted to see me earlier and why which I don't know, about not complicate questions if been through before or not if do or not and things like that and I think the gynaecologist said about not repeat etc) The patient services I could hear them talk about me which they denied etc. The patient services told me to write the gynaecologist a card about friendships and future appointments. SO I did that as well as put how it affects my everyday living which she knows about nightmares have about her reject me etc. But also affects sleep, eat, clean, go out , cancel face book etc. I put some people pros or not agree with me that there is something between us whether it be as a mother, sister, friend or more. I also put about social twist things and I want an operation, about minute takers, I did not mean for any of this to happen, wont do anything to myself, shell make my life better. I also put a copy of the General Medical Council (GMC) rules in there and my contact details and some web addresses saying you van date patients, so therefore can be friends etc. I enclosed a Christmas card and flowers chocolates and wine as I got told they would be ok and they would not be a personal gift. So I handed them into reception. A few weeks later I got a phone call from the social manager saying her and the governs was coming to see me about the recent cards and gifts. I was scared about this as I complained about governs and I have never seen her before. They gave me a letter saying thanks for my generosity and hospital doctors are not allowed to receive personal gifts of this nature. (which I thought and others thought was weird because I got told this would be ok) They said it was different before for some reason. The GMC said I need a meeting between me and the gynaecologist to discuss roles e.g. I was friends with her, she may not feel comfy talking about work outside of work and to ring up to prescribe medications etc. ( and I stick up for her, sing her praises, defend her admire, look up to respect etc) So I thought ok I will try and get this meeting arranged. So I paid a counsellor for them to turn round and say they can not help me. They can help you come to terms with things but they can not help you get an operations and for me to see this gynaecologist personally etc. So I got a solicitor involved. I DO NOT WANT SUING OR COMPENSATION!!! I feel she lies to me, says do things and not, stands me up etc. Triage left a message for the gynaecologist to contact me don't want the secretary to (triage suggested the gynaecologist to phone me) she emailed the gynaecologist months ago and I have not heard from her. Hear different things if the chief executive can arrange meetings to resolve or not. The solicitor said things to me about the gynaecologist I never said, so if she would have sent it to them they would think I have been lying about her when have not. The solicitor phoned up the secretary I thought she was going to speak to the gynaecologist or get her information. She did not do that. She phoned the secretary and said I have issues concerns need a meeting, to which they replied to speak to the governs about it. She then spoken to the governs and told me to give her a ring. (Hear different things if I was anonymous or not and if she guessed who I was or not) Chief's office put me through to the medical director and I thought they were going to ring me back but it was not them it was the governs. (I was crying my eyes out as I did not have the strength and energy to deal with her and I was crying throughout the conversation with her as well) Before I tell you what the governs said, some people told me to take no notice of her and the gynaecologist must be attached to me etc. The governs said I may be discharged from her care as I was getting attached to her. I thought weird as I saw before though not seen in 5 months since. I did not say this but I did say I thought the gynaecologist was getting attached to me. The governs said this is not the case. Some doctors are firm and she is friendly and like that with everyone. She said if the gynaecologist knew who all this is affecting me she would be upset and if she knew how close and quickly attached I get to people she would have behaved differently. The same with the allegations which are over and done with now. (THEY ARE NOT ALLEGATIONS!!!!!!) She said the same thing. I asked her why the gynaecologist was crying about me then. The governs said because I was going in there talking about non gynaecological things she was upset by what she heard and wanted to help me out. I asked about the adopting thing. I can not remember what she said but, some people say can be literal or not and could be affectionate kind term or that she wanted me to get help from other services. (Me and other people disagree because if she meant by others she would not have said I want to adopt and look after you she would have said by others if she meant that) The governs said no matter how many times I ring its the same no meeting (I have not rang for ages) Even with the GMC and the solicitor etc on my side she was having none of it. The governs said the gynaecologist is my doctor. (I do not understand as not anymore) She said she was going to make a note of our conversation and she said to see a GP and / or clinical psychologist. ( I do not want e.g. if man, at hospital, attached etc) She said about seeing a different gynaecologist. The solicitor then changed her version of events. First she made it out like she not know about meeting till I told her the next she said the governs guesses who I was and said not prepared to see my professionally not sure personally a doctor patient thing and see someone else. Think known gynaecologist for 2 years though less as normally saw her few times a year. (Me and some other people agree that it must be more than a doctor patient thing because of what she said and did to me) I spoke to the GMC I was crying my eyes out. They understand I do not want to make a complaint as I have a bond and care for this person and I do not want her to get hurt (though all this is hurting me) They said about advocate solicitor get meeting asap etc. They say she overstepped the mark, not know the full story. Someone who works in residential/ community care said it sounds like I have been misled as what has been told and said / done are two different things and that I need a meeting as I have been misunderstood etc. I asked do I sound pathetic that I want the gynaecologist to give me a hug cuddle and kiss and tell me there are no hard feelings. The reply was no not stupid you need clarity and some people say I need to express my feelings etc. They said about get meeting imagine so though mixed messages if they can get meeting, if want to, if be on my own with her or not etc. I wanted to make a complaint about social services and safeguarding as I did not want to happen and feel the social lied to me, don't respect my privacy, accuse me of lying etc. I went on a depression chat site and some people are nice some people are not some people chat you up give emails but some are horrible e.g. when I said I have relationship family issues and bereavement they ask if that's all etc. (I know the gynaecologist said not to cut them out altogether, there scum of earth not me and the only person that hates me is me) Some people agree that there is friendly and then there is friendly about gynaecologists feelings etc. Somebody online said they don't believe me I am English and said I mess with people on there and I am not a real person, who talks like that. I told someone about adopt they said I need help and people who agree with me ii said next you'll be saying the gynaecologist needs help they called me a psycho imbred freak. ( I am not sure what this means but does not sound nice) I said not true and they replied true. Some people agree that she is attached to me and need a meeting with her asap and be beneficial for me to be in her life personally for a lot of reasons and want her there when go about operation as right now I cant go anywhere near there, walk, hair done shop etc and where go now hard enough so need this sorting out pronto. Same if I want to do XXXXXXX work at hospital. NHS 111 some people are not nice. Some people are. They said I need a meeting with the gynaecologist soon (this person) as I am not myself, affecting my life, affecting my health, need to do for the sake of my health, I need to have an input in the decision making as to what I want and what I need. Hear different things if GP / nurse can arrange meeting or not if personal or not. (Though they upset me so try not to see them) Patient services said about GP. Someone online said about getting a psychiatrist not sure CPN etc as this is affecting me a lot and they said if the psychiatrist etc can ring the hospital to speak to this gynaecologist or if she's left work for them to get her contact details and to phone her to get her to see me as I am not coping because she is not with me and because its affecting my life all this etc. I spoken to the Citizen's advice bureau and they could not go into much detail as they are an assessment line. But from what I told them they are on my side and they said it sounds contradictory. They then put them details through to health watch Sheffield. Not sure happen though as last time they put me through to voice ability which I have had bad experience with them and something about advocates to have etc. I know one couldn't help they made not about safeguarding put ideas in head about court restrain orders. Don't think someone told me that before. Hear different things if advocates can arrange meetings or not. Some people online said to write a letter give to advocate myself and gynaecologist etc. Some advocates are on my side but they cant support me as not in my area, and the ones in my area I have had bad experience with. One particular advocate not near me gave me mixed messages something about white black and grey areas. First she said what the gynaecologist said and did to me is something that a doctor would not do, then she said it may be personal to me and strictly professional to her. (That not make any sense) Some help lines are on my side and some are not as nice. I spoken to health watch in Rotherham and in Sheffield. The one in Rotherham are on my side and if want happened to me happened to them they would question the relationship too. Don't think they could help me though as not local to me. Then got told they could only to be then told they cant. I had this friend who works with people with dementia and she says the gynaecologist was being inappropriate and she would make a better friend than a gynaecologist. I tried to get a different social worker but I don't know you may have to be referred by social worker had or GP / Nurse. (Have issues with a lot of them) I spoken to Patient Opinion and they gave me mixed messages as well. I was also getting messages what IAPT workers and counsellors advocates can do etc. People go behind my back contact people say not want contacting even if they said they wont do it. Contacted some psychiatrists but charge a lot which I cant do. I spoken to a psychotherapist for enquiries she was giving me mixed messages as to how the gynaecologist feels towards me but then she said it sounds like a need a mediator. I contacted one but they said we both have to agree and it would charge me and gynaecologist £500 for the day. ( Which I thought I cant do) I am not sure if gynaecologist has heard about the risk topic and I had a form for jobcentre which needed filling her she could do I think and put details for them to contact her, hear different things who can do and lots of questions need to speak to her about. (Got loads at home and she got some and maybe passed to governs which upset about) I thought she took home as a lot and not fair patients and if record do in person and then governs said about send etc which not happy about and don't want to go through governs etc just her. I also need things back to give to gynaecologist and get gifts etc. When I was at college My tutor was worried about me and affected her sleep. I wondered if had same affect gynaecologist and / or if she cried not around etc. I wanted to comfort her. Its anniversary of my dogs death in May round about my birthday and his birthday October and other dogs birthday April etc so hard for me need to be with gynaecologist for better soon, which some people agree with. I also need help changing GP's Please.I also need chaperone my flat when e.g. joiner comes round. It also makes me wonder if the gynaecologist did things for me out of work too e.g. ring places about get help or if did not part of job (not mind if did) Not sure if mentioned want gynaecologist get questions, jobcentre form, cards etc and if said about not understand consent forms who told who what etc and need help to get access to medical files and for gynaecologist to go through meant as well as lot of things etc. I want long meeting with her please preferably own. May have mentioned about my panic, anxiety, panic attacks etc. I spoken to someone I think at carers centre and they said the gynaecologist is probably caring about me as a professional and that she is being gentle and being over gentle and not realised what she has done and not being sensible about it her words etc. She was questioning some professionals judgment e.g. When I told her the GMC, NHS 111, citizens advice bureau, Health watch in Rotherham etc are on my side she was saying they were giving me the wrong advice, that upset me as they must know if ok or not and these people are qualified in this sort of thing and they agree with me etc. She said something about if want to take action against her for misleading me, but some people say that wouldn't be that way in terms of lying to me etc but in terms of she said one thing and did another which the carers centre replied people are like that and people with aspergers autism may take things literal etc but the health watch in Rotherham they don't have autism and yet are on my side though cant help me etc. She also said that when people e.g. touch you on hand get wrong impression hear different things. The carers centre also said that say for example if a dog got run over people would be upset as a sign of empathy, though some people say that a doctor crying is unprofessional and must have some attachment to me and not to listen to people who say otherwise. She may have been shocked as to how much she cares she cares for me and got over initial shock etc maybe. I would really appreciate this if you would keep this between us. I really hope you can help me as this has gone on long enough and NHS 111 etc say strongly need to see this gynaecologist I think. Trying places see help wait to hear from some. Councillor saw once said I need to sort this gynaecological / relationship out first before see councillor again (this particular one) otherwise I’ll be making myself worse so need help fast. Thoughts saw Gynaecologist drive passed me yesterday thought she stared at me but not bipped wave etc thought did something wrong hates me etc. Nurse g1 now said to speak to governs one person etc. I don't want to shes upset me preferably want sorting out directly. Lot of professionals or non are on my side need to see her just some horrid about it. I have some proof councillor said etc that says need to contact gynaecologist told you about and speak to her first got a text and you may be able to phone talk type others too not sure. I don't sleep very well like lot of things think told you about. Need meeting as not self making ne self worse etc been told thanks for this means a lot. This make my birthday to see her though said about anniversary deaths etc so need some good news I am having really bad panic attacks cry etc. Not sure if you could ring gynaecologist at work or get or home number get her to see me like said about been told etc or speak directly other ways etc. Spoke to triage about email said about governs don't want to talk to them they one people ruined my life. Then someone said they would speak to gynaecologist but then said social and to go through hospital GP Then said about governs say go GP etc I said may have another advocate anyway instead. They didn't answer all my questions though Feel messed around people paint me in this bad light sick of it. After last spoke to governs not been out for 2 weeks then did and panicked cry affect living in out home etc. Don't sleep well etc. I don't want her involved like some other people. Some people say to speak to her directly send things etc. Someone said for me to write you me and gynaecologist a letter with my and her version sort of and to print copies and give gynaecologist when see her. Ill show you that and the councillors text and the positive book gynaecologist wrote in etc if you want. Glad can have you on my side etc. Not sure if you want me to email you anymore if forget things etc just scared wont get chance say everything hope so. and glad got you on side be there asap been long time coming finding hard to cope etc When had other advocate they said they would contact gynaecologist, then they said contact social say go through gp hospital. Day after messaged me (today) mot answered all questions they said they spoke to governs said go gp. So hear different things off people They ruined my life some people say try directly etc. Thanks hope you understand God bless you Sorry for long email Enough for you to go on Really hope you can help me Need her with me etc with questions gifts cards etc feel need to be reunited and feel people paint me out like bad person when im not. and need hug cuddle kiss from her tell her not hate me etc. If get gynaecologist to visit me this particular person preferably my home nurse me be there etc Lot of people agree need to see her asap, be beneficial, she's attached etc and ignore told Been 6 months Finding it hard to enjoy life do things etc until this is sorted out This is hurting me. My birthday coming up and more anniversary deaths soon hard enough and spent few Christmas own and want her with her by my side Please say you on my side too. Mean a lot to me Please help I may have forgotten some information but this may be enough for you to go on? Thanks for taking the time to read this email and I apologise its took so long to write it. I look forward to hear from you soon Many thanks XXXXXXX im female, 27 years old God bless you Thank you so much for doing this it means a lot and has been a long time coming. Ive been ringing up places etc waiting to hear from some. I am not sure what you do?
Posted Wed, 26 Mar 2014 in General Health
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 16 hours later
Brief Answer: It is about medical ethics Detailed Answer: Hi Thanks for posting your query on HealthcareMagic. You must have taken a lot of time to write this query. It took me one day to read it. Thus it seems that you are pretty serious about getting help. You feel you are in relationship with your treating physician but you are not sure and no one is able to give you assurance. So you do not know what to decide about it. Let me know if I am wrong here. Relationships can get very confusing, particularly because any human being is not gifted with a skill to read the other person's mind. Secondly people can fall in love one moment and fall out of love the other moment. Thirdly life does not come with an instruction manual as to what to do and when to do. I think I can give you a perspective about a doctor's mind and his or her professional obligations. Now a doctor is a human being. They can have feelings like anyone else, but they always need to apply their brain when it comes to dealing with their patients. You may say that doctors have feelings but they do not have a mind. And their actions are mostly controlled by their brain, which is justified because they do not want to end up with a lawsuit. Lawsuit may follow when they do something that is not in terms with medical ethics. Now getting in relationship with your patient is totally against medical ethics. I am sorry to say this but here is the end to this chapter in your life. Life goes on and you move on as well. Find someone else. She may never respond to your efforts. Be satisfied with whatever she is able to give. She will not be able to give you more than this (no matter what she is thinking and whatever you do to impress). Be realistic in life. My best advise is to think about yourself at all times. I hope you will listen to me here and control your mind. Do not let it go all over the place. There must be something else in store for you. Take care Dr Vaishalee
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 3 hours later
But some people say if left her care it would be fine to pursue friendship etc even some professionals and that I need to see her for reasons said etc Don't get most of your message. Nothing in my life don't enjoy need her some people say she has feelings for me she must do Having to deal with other bad news too. I want to cancel subscription please? thought one off think
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 42 minutes later
Brief Answer: I don't think your doctor can be personal with you Detailed Answer: Hi again, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and I am sorry to know that you are dealing with some stress. I want you to see your doctor's professional obligations. From whatever I know about medical ethics, once you are her patient she comes under professional obligation not to be in relationship with you. I am not sure about laws on marriage or live-in relationship in UK. I think the law can be molded for marriage purposes. But being in casual relationship is not allowed. One thing is sure that you need to change your doctor as it may become complicated legally. Relax for sometime and things may settle down. The more you get into it legally, the more stressful it may get. You weigh the pros and cones and you will need to decide on your own. People can just advise, they cannot act on your behalf. I personally would never get into gift-taking or relationships with my patients. It is ethically wrong. Hope you understand whatever I said. Dr Vaishalee
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 53 minutes later
No I do not understand any of message. Assume ok now now left care. Thought advocate could help or psychiatrist etc She accepted some gifts just after all this. mean by marriage, live in relationships, casual?
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 5 hours later
Brief Answer: Get appropriate medical care for your condition Detailed Answer: Hi again, I re-read your query and I did not find the cause of your visit to the gynecologist. Whatever your condition is, I think your only aim should be to get appropriate medical care for it. This is all you should expect from your doctor. Regarding other confusion that has been going around about what you said and what your gynecologist did, I think it should be best forgotten. If some authority tries to bring this confusion up again, then it would be wise to contact an advocate and get rid of this issue. It may affect your life and you may not gain anything out of it. It is about the way you express things that brings up the confusion, so I would advise you not to be very verbal with authorities. Even I misinterpreted some of the things written in your query. But after re-reading I was able to figure out that it is all happening out of your innocence. By marriage etc I was just figuring out any legal issues involved if your statements about touching are taken seriously. Thus I would ask you to refrain from uttering anything to that effect. So the best thing to do is to see a new gynecologist for your condition and forget this episode. Meanwhile also forget about developing any friendly correspondence with your previous gynecologist. If you need your records from her then your current doctor will be able to get those transferred. It seems that you have woven a web around you because of recurrent thoughts. These thoughts need to be dropped. You need to see things more clearly. Breathing techniques help a lot with recurrent thoughts. These are available as courses. Hope it helps and God bless you. Let me know if I can assist you further. Dr Vaishalee
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 1 hour later
Sorry I cant forget this. I can not go near a hospital till this is sorted out. I need advocate. My councillor said she wont see me until I speak too the gynaecologist because it is making me worse. What do you mean about marriage and misinterpret and my innocence? What do you mean by refrained utter effect? I cant see a new doctor until this is sorted out im too scared. What mean by woven a web recurrent thoughts? thoughts dropped? Breathing techniques not help me Even hobbies don't thanks
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 12 hours later
Brief Answer: What you want and your options Detailed Answer: Hi again, Actually whenever I read your query, I get mixed messages about what you want from your gynecologist. It would be best if you can summarize the real motive (that is what you want from her). I would also like to discuss your options about what you can do next. Mostly when a person starts some work, he has two options. Either to finish it and achieve the goal or to drop it in between. The dropping part happens when the things are not falling in place and it becomes impossible to complete the task. Also if you can tell what exactly do you want your advocate to do for you. By the sentence "refrain from uttering anything to that effect" I mean that you may avoid some complications by remaining silent. It is unprofessional for the doctor to develop any relationship (particularly sexual relationship) or inappropriately touching the patient. Now you and your doctor are both females, so it may not be taken seriously but in some scenarios especially when opposite sex is involved using similar sentences may seem indecent on the part of doctor. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 52 minutes later
I want gynaecologist as a mother, daughter, sister friend or more. I want advocate to get my voice heard and get gynaecologist to see me. Feel been painted in a bad way etc. I wish I remained silent on some things, but I would have suffered more and suffering now. Not sure if inappropriate touching involved but I didn't mind it. She said cant even date patients / friends even if left switch doctors though some people say as long as not in care anymore be ok etc. So you mean if both same e.g. both females be ok to have sexual relationship if opposite sex then its inappropriate and similar sentence indecent doctors part assume you mean not decent touch etc though ok if both same sex? and if friends the same if same sex ok? regards XXXXXXX
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 6 hours later
Brief Answer: Rules are rules Detailed Answer: Hi again, Now your query is more clear to me. I think you are clear with what you want but we have no idea about what the gynecologist is thinking. Rules should not come between you two. Rules mention clearly about not developing sexual relationship between doctor and patient, but is not very clear about other (casual) relationships. I think it is NOT inethical to see her and be her friend. But relationship is when both consent. She has mentioned that she cannot go on date with patients, so I think that your possibilities of having any sort of friendliness with her are bleak. It is normal on your part to want to meet her and clearing the scenario. For this matter you can approach her directly. Law will not be able to help you to arrange a meeting with her. I think she may not see you as she seems to be thinking about rules. Moreover she must be having your contact information and if she wants to meet and she can always contact you. My best suggestion: You can make your effort to see her but if it is not becoming possible (due to circumstances) than you better drop the whole thing and move on. Give your 100% and then relax. Atleast you will be assured that you tried your best. Make sure not to hurt anyone in the process. With my life experiences, I think there are too many hurdles between you two. So better drop it. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 23 minutes later
Some people say that she must be attached to me because of her actions etc. So your saying that you cant have a sexual relationship whether former patient or not depends and if same sex etc? So you are saying not a problem to be friends with them if left her care switch doctors etc. She must not think allowed and from what told you before because sounds like if allowed she would be. She said not allowed to date patients but I think gmc said you can depends or if its sexual maybe. I assume theres a difference between friends and dating so don't understand what you mean by bleak? like you said friends is different. How can I approach her directly? I don't know what you mean about not see me think of rules? I thought different now as left her care. What do you mean by moreover? I am not sure if she can view my details or not. I am not sure why shes not contacted me for so long. Maybe if cool period, if she is busy, if she thinks you not allowed when are, if people have bad mouthed me etc. I spoke to health watch Sheffield and they said to provide proof in writing that they think need to see this person to resolve could you provide me with this please? Some professionals say I need to see her asap some not so cant be dropped. Affecting me. Lot of questions not being answered since year ago etc and I even paid people to help not do and im on benefits and subjected myself to online abuse and mental rape think somebody called it. Ive given it 100% but I will not relax until sorted out otherwise think badly of me id think she think etc and people put ideas into my head. She only knows answers. What do you mean not to hurt anyone in the process? What do you mean on your experience and hurdles? Mean by drop? confusing me
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 2 hours later
Brief Answer: May see her at her clinic but avoid stalking her Detailed Answer: Hi again Yes she may or may not be attached to you. It may just be a way of expression for her. A meeting with her may work and will give you more clarity. You may contact her at her office. She will have access to your details in the patient files and the electronic medical records. If she wanted to see you she would have done so despite all the bad mouthing about you. You are suffering because you are holding onto the love that she showed to you. You have to see the end-result of your efforts. If you feel that it will work then go ahead with your efforts otherwise drop the task. Do not let it affect your routine life. You are already on benefits and you do not want to lose your precious time and money on something that may not work. It is better if you become busy in your work. Staying busy will help you keep your mind off gynecologist. I am sorry you have been hurt emotionally while looking for support. You can rely on me. Think of me as your friend. Leave all your botherations with me or GOD (whatever works for you) and relax. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 12 minutes later
I don't understand if people have bad mouthed me she wouldn't want to see me therefore not contact me and other reasons said too e.g. busy if she thinks not allowed if cool etc. So you agree showed me love and keep with me. Need to work Is this the proof you sent me or will you ring gynaecologist on my behalf? So agree attached. Affects my eat, sleep, clean, attract flies don't want to go out. Someone mentioned health professional may get her work or home details get her to see me as in bad way. Go on depression chat sites mostly. I need to spend money she means so much shes worth it don't get u mean. I don't work as I suffer depression anxiety I think. Nothing interests me anymore even passions. Glad your my friend hope can rely on you to get me to see her etc. whats botherations? mean leave with you god? Icant relax tll sort outI am not a stalker im crying now I am not a stalker I went gifts think day off there ive not been up hospital for 6 months had hair done up there everything cant do same XXXXXXX work shopping etc. Got email etc not contacted her myself Sick of this
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 12 hours later
Brief Answer: Need to do something Detailed Answer: Hi again, Thanks for accepting me as your friend. Now that I am your friend, I can guide you out of this issue. Now that you have tasted you can very well imagine how miserable other people may be. One way to forget your own misery is to take care of others who are in misery. Keep a soft heart for those who got ignored like you. Now I know that you have been doing XXXXXXX I would like you to help like you in XXXXXXX You do not want other people in misery like you. Secondly you will need money to survive in this world. So I also want you to post your resumes. Do not waste the benefits. Save money. Thirdly I do not personally think that you are depressed. But if you feel that you need medicines then ask your doctor to provide you a prescription. Lastly I believe that God is the best friend a person can have so trust him and drop whatever is bothering you with Him. It helps. I am far off from UK so I cannot ring a doctor there but I can be in contact with you always. I hope that by the time you send me followup you have started helping people in misery and posted a few resumes yourself. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 3 hours later
Do you think im ignored? How contact u? Whats resume? Im not allowed to work. Im not doing XXXXXXX anything till spoke gynaecologist Hope got your blessing Don't get misery soft heart? Cant save money im desperate My lifes meaningless Mean by cant ring contact always? If this costs month may cancelled it says here think discussion close couple days though said before Im not best person right now fir people regards
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 5 hours later
Brief Answer: You are loved Detailed Answer: Hi again You can contact me through healthcaremagic again by posting a direct query whenever you need assistance. You can go through the following URL to view my profile: I have no idea why you cannot work, but resume means your biodata that you send to employers to get a job. XXXXXXX is one thing that will make you feel better. You have no choice but to do it. Your life is not meaningless, maybe you were born to do XXXXXXX and help people during their bad times. You will always remain the best person for God since he made you the way you are. I am sure there are people who love you a lot but you are not able to see it. Saving money is another thing that you HAVE to do. You have no other choice but to save money. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 11 minutes later
would I need I need to pay to speak to u? Whats an url? Whats biodata? what do u mean I have no choice but to do XXXXXXX work? I wanted to work in a hospital but I wont do until I see this gynaecologist or anything for that better id rather just in side and have done with it I can ruin anymore lives though I feel I have now Its is meaningless I was a mistake I don't belong here No one loves me im just a burden and that's the truth I cant save money I need this sorting out Id rather starve Thasnks
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 27 minutes later
Brief Answer: Starving isn't good for you Detailed Answer: Hi again, Yes, to post a direct query you will need to pay. When you click on a URL, a webpage opens. A biodata is a summary of whatever you have done in life and career. XXXXXXX is a necessity for make yourself feel better. Let us distribute time. One hour for hospital work and rest of the 23 hours to think about gynecologist. You are a great person, don't become a victim to circumstances. Be strong like a lion. People need you for so many things. You do not need anyone's love. You are love. Maybe you can join an organisation like art of living, etc. It will give you a platform to express yourself. Regards. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 47 minutes later
Not sure if I can talk to you soon then as I may not be able to afford it. So biodata is like a cv? No XXXXXXX wont make me feel better at the moment. Especially way I am feeling I will make people worse not better Already done that so I know. What do you mean by distribute time? Sorry cant stop thinking about her even my hobbies don't interest me anymore especially when pe0ple put ideas in to my head that she hates me is mad at me used me for benefits etc. I cant go near a hospital at the moment where been before hard enough. Ive already cancelled some appointments cant face toe world sometimes I am not great im ugly and an under achiever. What mean victim to circumstance? What mean don't need love I am love? What do you mean organisation art of living? What mean platform express self? I tried expressive dance take frustrations out etc not sure much good
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 15 hours later
Brief Answer: Never asked you to stop thinking Detailed Answer: Hi again I never asked you to stop thinking about her. It is not in someone's capacity to stop thoughts. I just want you to drop your desire to see her if that is not becoming possible. Yes bio-data is a cv You will do XXXXXXX to make yourself feel better. It is not about making people feel better. You can just do things to make their life comfortable by doing small chores for them. You can even do it in your daily life. You may face the world. No one will harm you. If you are a loving personality (which I am sure you are), you will attract friends. Just be natural and behave the way you are. You do not need to behave in a different way just to impress people. Art of living is an organisation that teaches yoga and gives opportunity to do some service or XXXXXXX A five day course of yoga called waves of happiness is available in most countries. You can search if it is available near you. Take care. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 0 minute later
assume drop desire if not possible you mean relationship as long as a mother sister friend fine if not more. Cant do XXXXXXX especially hospital till sorted out. Is art of living free?
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 10 minutes later
Brief Answer: Yes desire of a relationship Detailed Answer: Hi again She has to be available to be your sister or mother. She is not available for it. You may just call her secretary and check if the doctor wants to see you. If she does not want to see you or she does not respond then better drop the desire. Art of living will provide you better opportunities for service than hospital. You will only need to pay to register for the course and then you do not need to pay anything lifelong. All the services afterwards are free. Mostly it is a platform for services. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 0 minute later
Well cant do any XXXXXXX at the moment. Cant even have operation,, walk, have hair done shopping there till sort out. What mean not available sister mother do you mean if at work a lot though may be able to be sister mother sometimes and you need less time for friend assume mean? The thing is some medical people say I need to see her though Some people say she loves me but people may scare her e.g. if people ashamed same sex relationships etc. Mean platform? how much?
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 15 minutes later
Brief Answer: People will confuse you Detailed Answer: Hi again, The more you look for advises from people the more they will confuse you. Whether or not you will develop a relationship with her will depend on her response. People can only guess. So better check with her secretary and back out if it is a "no". The course fees is not much. You will need to check at the local center. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 1 minute later
The gynaecologist gave me mixed messages says want / not actions differ etc. Cant ring secretary bad experience feel people hospital block me Think told you about email triage sent her and solicitor while ago to gynaecologist. Some people say scared. Got written proof like told you what gynaecologist put in my positive book / letters people wrote etc
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 8 minutes later
Brief Answer: Don't tell the secretary whole story Detailed Answer: Hi again, This is the last time you will be trying. Do not tell the secretary whole story. Walk upto her and tell her to check with the gynecologist if she is available to see you. If it seems that secretary is blocking you, then it must be on order from gynecologist. Assume it that way and back out. Hope you get back on track with your own life. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 1 minute later
Don't know how to see secretary normally phone they wont give me time of day same governs etc. I am not sure maybe it is their doing and she wants to see me / scared how close got to me and got told when have feelings for someone normal to ignore someone or may not contact work get trouble and may not have contacted me e.g. busy bad mouth me if thinks complained which havnt etc
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 6 hours later
Brief Answer: One thing sure is that she never contacted you Detailed Answer: Hi again I think I am not being able to convince you that she will contact you if she needs to. You are knitting a web in your mind by keeping the hope of seeing her. Just try once more and if it does not work then you have to drop the whole idea. By holding on to this issue you will only bring misery to yourself. Try to value what you have and let go of what you do not have. Do not try to possess her. Be happy with whatever love she has shown till now. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 3 minutes later
I cant I am miserable without her I don't possess her I am happy she loves me and hope continues thanks
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 4 minutes later
Brief Answer: Did not understand Detailed Answer: Hi Why are you miserable without? I really did not understand. What will she give you when you get her? Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 9 minutes later
I am miserable as not seen this gynaecologist in ages and I need to see her resolve things get questions done get her to see I am nice as people painted me in a bad light etc and on top of that family violent, got had bereavements near birthday too and being mentally raped. I need her only making me worse affect sleep eat clean not go out etc Not sure what you mean by what will she give up when I have her?
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 33 minutes later
Brief Answer: I don't think you need her only Detailed Answer: Hi again There are many people who would be going through the same situation as you. I don't think the gynecologist may be help to you in such a situation. I think Art of living would be able to help you a lot. You also need to take steps to make your life better. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 24 minutes later
That's why trying to see her. I think she can help me in terms of this situation Mean by people same situation? I cant go out sleep terrible, eat little lot not cleaned pots self ages attract flies This is the first step try to see her Potential advocate upset me put ideas in my head about gynaecologist e.g unethical she did if like other patients worries her about exploit me take advantage saw my weakness e.g. learning disabilities depression. I stuck up for her Gynaecologist would be bothered if people took advantage of me to do with my memory and money so don't get it she said about gyni if see me if cant be in appointments etc. Upsets me people treat gyni terribly I cried and shaked when they left
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 54 minutes later
Brief Answer: May take medicines for sleeping Detailed Answer: Hi Your problem is not big. You are exaggerating it. It seems that your daily life is getting hindered because of this issue. A visit to a psychiatrist may help. He may be able to give you medicines for sleep issues. Thinking about gynecologist is ok but staying unclean for prolonged periods, having sleep issues and eating little is not ok. I really do not want you to think that the gynecologist will be able to relieve you of your misery. She is just another human being with problems of her own. You need to get up from your couch. Start by taking small steps to kitchen or washroom. Try doing some cleaning today. It is you and your mind that is responsible for your problems. How can someone else help you? She wont come to your house and clean it. You got to take steps to make your life better. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 5 minutes later
What mean problems are not big I am exaggerating? I take anti depressants got told they supposed to help with sleep / may keep awake. GP gave me them ages ago. She will relieve me of this misery because to do with her. I don't understand its me and mind responsible for my problems not my fault I am in this mess? What mean how can someone else not help me? Trying steps see her etc got lot other worries this will be one
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 21 hours later
Brief Answer: Keep routine life running Detailed Answer: Hi again It is very important to work hard in life (whether you get paid or not). Personal hygiene is must for good health. Water should run outside the body and inside the body daily. You can meet her but do not be obsessed with her. Live a normal life. Many people live without their beloved. Not a big deal. I still think that this issue is a creation of your own mind. It is very sneaky to blame someone else for your problems. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 37 minutes later
Assume I can meet with her but not obsess you mean not see her everday at least for now and assume you mean people live not live with people love see so ok Whats creation in my mind? mean by sneaky? Its not my fault this happened its people going my back painting me out like I am in the wrong when I didn't do this it was social etc saying not do things and do it anyway bad mouth me hope you don't think im sneaky cos im not im crying now
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 15 minutes later
Brief Answer: By obsessed I meant mentally obsessed Detailed Answer: Hi again It is ok to see her everyday, but is not ok to be obsessed with her mentally. The creation in mind means when you think that people are talking behind your back, when they do not. Then it is a figment of your mind. No one has time to talk about you and bad mouth about you. By sneaky I mean blaming others for your problems when they are not responsible. Moreover all problems have a solution. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 7 minutes later
1) What mean obsess mentally? People are talking about me I know it 2) What do you mean no one has time to talk about me etc? 3) What mean moreover? hope have solution People are responsible and I know I have been bad mouthed.
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 8 minutes later
Brief Answer: If badmouthed, please ignore it Detailed Answer: Hi again If you are 100% sure that you have been bad mouthed, then better ignore it. The reason is that they would have forgotten about it but you are still holding onto it. Why would you care? If someone does not want to see you, again why should you care. You should be busy enough with work that you do not get time to think about all this. So my best advise is to get up and get around and atleast look happy. This is best way to stay healthy and have peace of mind. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 18 minutes later
Im confuses if you think gynaecologist wants to see me and of course I care I care lot lot of unfinished business etc I havnt done what I done to be done nothing about. I care because im upset if gynaecologist thinks ive told on her and I haven't complained reported her or anything and people put ideas into my head. What mean not see me? I care about her a lot. I try do passions not work not till got resolved. I cant go out I try fake smile. The best way stay healthy assume peace of mind you say happy is to know she not hates me etc otherwise think better for everyone
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 57 minutes later
Brief Answer: Need to step out of house Detailed Answer: Hi again I understand what you are going through. Your situation may get worse if you keep thinking about it. You need to step out of the house. If she has shown some affection towards you, then there are very chances that she will hate you irrespective of the bad mouthing Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 19 minutes later
I stepped out of the house 1 week 2 weeks ago and I did online food shopping not go out still not cleaned etc. I don't understand do you think she hates me? Mean by irrespective of bad mouthing? I thought shed hate me if people have said things I not said about her etc
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 19 minutes later
Brief Answer: She does not hate you Detailed Answer: Hi I don't think she hates you. There is no reason to hate you. She would have hated you if you had hit her or been cruel to her. You need to step out of the house and start the cleaning process as well. Water should run outside the body and inside the body. Keep yourself healthy and clean. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 1 minute later
Thing is im scared she thinks done something to her and I have not e.g. with safeguard not my fault Last part hard
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 13 minutes later
Brief Answer: You did not do anything Detailed Answer: Hi Whatever you said, would not result in negative feelings in her. You know if you think that she is like a mother, then mothers ignore their kids mistakes completely. Sometimes children even humiliate or hit their mother and she does not usually react badly. So wake-up and see the reality. There is no reason to be thinking about her or whatever happened. Regards Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 4 minutes later
What mean ignore kids mistakes completely? Never with mine. I know my family hit me What mean wake up see reality? what mean no reason not think about or or happened?
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 11 hours later
Brief Answer: I don't know level of violence you're experiencing Detailed Answer: Hi again I am not aware of the level of violence you are experiencing. If it is not limited to scolding and harmless spanking, then you may be experiencing symptoms of battered woman syndrome (and not depression). You can do a lot about it. You are living in a country that has strict laws against violence. You have many options as below: 1) ignore it, take a pillow and go to sleep - this is what you are doing already and you may be experiencing the side effects of it 2) consult an advocate about what you can do about it. He will tell you your legal options so that you can decide accordingly 3) You need to get away from negative environment. Trust God and take steps towards it. Move out and become self-reliant. 4) Join an organisation where you can find support. Art of living is one such organisation with tremendous support available. Think about yourself. Start by saving money. Dr Vaishalee
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Follow-up: Suggest ways to cope up with anxiety and depression 2 hours later
1) I don't understand what you said about Whatever you said, would not result in negative feelings in her. You know if you think that she is like a mother, then mothers ignore their kids mistakes completely. Sometimes children even humiliate or hit their mother and she does not usually react badly. So wake-up and see the reality. There is no reason to be thinking about her or whatever happened? 2) What mean by battered woman syndrome / not depression? 3) Mean by no spanking no harm no scold? 4) I don't know what you mean by take pillow me ignore? though I am suffering. They been violent to me all my life. Got bullied school / Home. School verbally physical et home same maybe sexual. I had social worker in my mid to late 20s to try find some where to live. 5) Mean by self reliant? I moved out ages ago. They still same and lie etc. Im not sure gynaecologist means by this she said don't cut my family out altogether they are scum of earth not me and the only person hates me is me. Family came to mine unannounced before. 6) Organisation support in what? Spoke to advocate about gynaecologist she really upset me about it / say about her etc Try save money hard. Though not been out ages go online etc XXXXXXX
Answered by Dr. Vaishalee Punj 2 days later
Brief Answer: Take care of yourself Detailed Answer: Hi again Not everyone is bad. Keep your hope alive and socialize with people around. Keep yourself clean. It is good you took help. Now that phase of life is over and you need to move on. Take care Dr Vaishalee
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