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Dr. Andrew Rynne

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Suggest treatment for strange sexual fantasies

Answered by
Dr.
Dr. Vipul Prajapati

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2009

Answered : 850 Questions

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Posted on Tue, 19 Aug 2014 in Eating Disorders
Question: Hello Dr
My boyfriend has strange sexual fantasies ... he loves me very much and its not affecting me. However I just want to know if it's normal. Should I persuade him to seek help or just let it be.
This is what it is ... He will get aroused at the mention of my name. He cares not about ponography or other women at all. However with me, he will be turned on only if I told him that I had been 'licked' down there by someone else (of course mentally not in reality). He likes to imagine me being with others (including animals, men, women, anyone for that matter) once again mentally only and then he will be aroused. To him, traditional sex is not exciting. However, almost every day he admits his love to me and he did say he will change if I persuade him to. I don't want him to be unhappy as I love him. I want him to be himself with me. But is this normal? We have had many talks about this and we do not have an issue with it but I really would like a professional opinion as to how to get him to take his mind of this and just focus on the love making without these mental fantasies getting in the way. Also my other concern is if I keep allowing this, time after time, will it get worse? Will he start asking me to be degraded so he can witness me in the real act with real people? If it comes to that, it will surely be the deal breaker. I am happy to help him myself to the best of my ability as he is more than willing to do anything for me. But can he really change?

Please help. Thank you.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Vipul Prajapati 52 minutes later
Brief Answer:
No need to consult

Detailed Answer:
Hi dear,

Thank you for your query.

As some people have strange sexual fantasies so not to worry about it if you both have no problem with that if it affects anyone of your life then you must consult psychiatrist and need to take treatment.

with such sexual fantasies ever he had any abnormal behavior with you like force you too do something related to sex or if you don't do according to him and he gets easy irritable?

so for any conclusion detail history and mental status examination is necessary if life of both of you disturb due to that.

Not to worry much as such sexual fantasies normally not come out.
sometimes it is normal and have normal sexual life.

consult psychiatrist once only for your anxiety related to his strange sexual fantasies .

awaiting your response.

Thank you
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Ashwin Bhandari
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Vipul Prajapati 27 minutes later
Thanks Dr Prajapati
No he has never forced me. In fact, quite the opposite. He keeps asking me if I'm ok with it and he feels bad that he's like that but he says he can't help it. I didn't think these extreme sexual fantasies were normal. He thinks it's normal to do anything we like as long as the other person consents but he always asks me and never forces me. Also he is monogamous and he won't get aroused by anyone else which I find very strange too given his strong sexual desires.

We are both ok with the way things are. Should I follow up with psychiatrist? I don't want him to think there is something wrong with him and make him uncomfortable. I want to be there for him and love him so he can learn to be normal and confident.

Thanks for your help.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Vipul Prajapati 7 minutes later
Brief Answer:
No need to consult

Detailed Answer:
Hi dear,

Up to point when it not hurts or problem with anyone it is normal sexual fantasies. He might be involved with you deeply that may be the reason not having aroused by anyone. So not to worry much.

Whether he had any sexual contact with anyone before your relation? How you come to know he is not aroused by anyone?

If both of you are ok with that, then no need to consult.

even if you are worried for him consult with psychiatrist alone for detail history of him.

Thank you
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vaishalee Punj
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Vipul Prajapati 17 minutes later
Hello again
Yes we have a mutual trusting relationship and talk about everything openly. He told me he would not get aroused by anyone and no one really interests him apart from me. His extreme fantasies were somewhat of a worry to me before I consulted you but now I feel it is ok and quite normal. What brings about these fantasies? Is it something from his childhood? He has been raped by an adult male for 4 years as a child but he says it no longer affects him and that he has forgotten about it completely. He is also impotent due to spinal injuries but he is constantly aroused when he is with me which really doesn't make me uncomfortable as he is able to force himself to control it. Thank you and sorry about the multiple questions .... just a little concerned.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Vipul Prajapati 22 minutes later
Brief Answer:
No need to consult

Detailed Answer:
Hi dear,

There are many reason for strange sexual fantasies and no need to go in detail about it. One of reason may be abuse in childhood.

Spinal injury may be the cause for not aroused sexually by any one and may be aroused if tried for too long time.
Enjoy your relationship and sexual life.

Not to worry about anything.

Thank you.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vaishalee Punj
doctor
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