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    Suggest treatment for passive-aggressive behavior

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Posted on Thu, 13 Jul 2017 in Relationship
Question: Hi Doctor,
I am feeling guilty over previously I passive-aggressive told off a colleague and now this colleague talks to others but do not want to talk to me anymore. Previously I was discussing some work with another colleague and this colleague kept turning around to peep/look, see what we are talking about, despite she herself already being so busy. I became intolerant and let out the word, "busybody!" From then on, she been ignoring me. All along, when visitors come, she don't get up to press open door. So its usually me get up to press open door. But when boss want to come in, she quickly get up to press open door. Her such actions made me very detest her and I again passive-aggressively told another colleague "someone see me press open door/see visitors, she do not know how to get up to open. But when see boss, she quickly get up". that day she used our flask water till no more but she did not top up, I open to see if there is water and the steam almost scalded my finger. I also passive-aggressive told another colleague, "someone used all our water and did not top up. I ended up almost scald my finger." all of her antics made me detest her so causing me to voiced out such remarks. now that she is ignoring me, it makes me feel guilt am I doing the right thing?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ivo Ditah 1 hour later
Brief Answer:
Talk to her upfront!

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

I have read through your information fully. The best solution is to talk this over with her and make peace. While you have nit done anything wrong, she is not making the work milieu friendly. It becomes very difficult to enjoy and continue working when a colleague continues to unnerve you. I will highly recommend that you talk to her over these things. Tell her you are troubled by them and they do not make you feel comfortable. You really want to be good work colleagues. Tell her if you have inadvertently wronged her, you apologize sincerely. This will allow you both to restart a good working and professional relationship.

In all, make peace and make the work environment and job more interesting!

I hope this guides. Try it out and report how the encounter unfolded to me.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ivo Ditah 6 days later

Thank you doctor, this problem had been solved.

I have a new question. I wonder if my friend has narcissus disorder. she dresses up over sexily everyday, regardless of the event or environment, and will take photos of herself everyday in different sexy outfits but same background. she hurries me to quickly take pics of her. the dance formation that we had been practicing for several weeks, yesterday shown on the projector she asked me what is it and I told her its 'baby formation' and she still asked we have baby formation meh? If she is tired when we are walking she would keep repeating she is tired. things that I don't wish to reveal, she would still keep asking. when I am unable to rush to meet for dinner and I told her not to wait for me, she would ask why and she would still want to wait for me and tell me to hurry up because our programme starts at 7.30pm and must be there. in the end she says another aunty do not want to wait for us because we are slow in eating. I felt stress in this. does she has narcissus?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ivo Ditah 30 minutes later
Brief Answer:
NO, she probably has histrionic personality disorder!

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

I gather that she like attention and loves doing things in a way that others will notice her. This fits the personality trait of a person with a histrionic personality tendency. I will recommend you always tell her how you try to talk to her about the things you don't like but in a very careful way. The approach must be very meticulous because she loves and seeks attention and shunning her away might be a tough one.

Let me know how this goes!
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ivo Ditah 27 hours later

I myself feel very stress whenever others hurry me, or sometimes when it comes to making decisions, although I take just a mere one second or two seconds to think or reply
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ivo Ditah 2 hours later
Brief Answer:
Always keep calm, listen to yourself and not others!

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

Always keep calm and listen to yourself. Work at your pace and don't allow others to hurry you up. Be reasonable in the mount of time you take before responding because you take responsibility for your actions. If you keep acting at the pace of others, you will make mistakes that might have consequences.

I wish you well.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ivo Ditah 18 hours later
thank you doctor for reply. I feel extremely hypersensitive whenever anyone imitates my tone or replies. I feel being made fun of. I would have a very distress feeling and could quickly imagine myself confiding to my friend about this. but it has affected my relationship with my friend because the moment I saw my friend, I interrupted my friend's important conversation with others and my friend was wondering how come I could not hear the topic is important and I interrupt just to talk about my feelings of feeling being made fun of. Is it normal and natural during such state of mental anguish to be immune of what others conversations are going on?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ivo Ditah 56 minutes later
Brief Answer:
THe content of a discussion is as important as the timing!

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

You will have to stop acting in an impulsive way. If something is urgent and must be addressed, then it is okay to interrupt a discussion. If it is not urgent, it is okay to wait. Remember, if you were to talk about something very good at the wrong time, person might misinterpret your intentions. I recommend that you always ask yourself the question: Can this wait before choosing to talk about it immediately or later.

I wish you well.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
Answered by
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Dr. Ivo Ditah

Internal Medicine Specialist

Practicing since :2002

Answered : 3922 Questions

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