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Suggest treatment for painful intercourse

Answered by
Dr. Chintan Solanki


Practicing since :2007

Answered : 2406 Questions

Posted on Mon, 19 Sep 2016 in Sexual Health
Question: Hi doctor,

I am not able to insert my penis into my wives vagina. Let me tell you the procedure I follow.

First I indulge in some foreplay with my clothes on. Gradually we undress and I start rubbing her clit in order to get her aroused. She does get wet when I do this. My penis gets erected.

But after that the real problem starts. Before I insert my penis I get into the kneel down position. She keeps her feet on my thighs(Don't know whether this is right)

Then I try to insert slowly. When I do this I can see her face becoming a bit tense and nervous. But still I continue. At that moment she says "stop stop stop stop its paining". I stop. Or else she says "I think you inserted it inside". I will say"I am also not sure. Only you have to say".

Both of us will be unsure and vague. We will be in a deadlock.

By the time I try again my penis would have lost erection. Plus I wont be in a mood to try again.

This has been happening for a long time. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what the problem is.

Whether I am doing it correctly and saying " I am not doing it correctly" or am I really doing it wrong? No idea.

Moreover there is one more issue.

Only when I fantasize a lot I ejaculate. So even if I manage to insert my penis into her vagina I am also afraid that I will not ejaculate when needed.

Cos of all this I feel ashamed of being a man.

This problem has been eating me. I want to have sex successfully and become a father soon.

Please help !!!!!
Answered by Dr. Chintan Solanki 1 hour later
Brief Answer:
she needs to be relaxed

Detailed Answer:

Welcome back. Thanks again for writing to us.

Your problem is still there.

From your narration it seems that problem is there in your wife's behavior also.She becomes nervous and asks you to stop. This may lead to tightening of vagina and you may not be able to insert easily or you may lose erection also.

The best thing is she should be relaxed. Some pain is there but it is enjoyable pain overall. One option is using lignocaine gel to prevent pain but it may cause numbness and problem in orgasm.Spending enough time in foreplay gives sufficient lubrication in vagina which you are already doing.She has to relax herself and avoid thought of pain. She can take pain killer medicine like diclofenac or ibuprofen before 2 hours of sex to prevent pain. After initial experience she will learn that pain is pleasurable overall and there will no pain after 3-4 successful intercourse.

Your position is likely right. You should bend on your knees and she should raise her legs with bent knees and touching her legs on your chest. Check the link for position.

I also recommend inserting your clean little finger in her vagina to check her hymen is intact or not and how does she feel with that.

Ask her also about her concerns of pain during sex and let me know and also give answers of following questions.

- Since when are you married?

- Is there no successful attempt yet?

- What is frequency of sex?

- Do you and your wife enjoy masturbation?

I will be happy to help further after your response.
Dr.Chintan Solanki.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

The User accepted the expert's answer

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